Unutterably Silly Convenient Lies

[badgoodDeb]

Originally Posted by GeoffC

Hey Debs, there's some BIG guns in this little old armoury ......

Cool beans!! I'll leave that to KK though. I don't like to get black powder residue on my nice leather corset. KK lives for black powder devices -- I'll just watch the fireworks.

Flabber propelled. Who woulda thunk?

[mvisconte]

One of my previous... acquaintences seems to have enrolled me in the Fez-of-the-Month club... boxes 'em up, and ships 'em out hisself. Unfortunately, he leaves the head attached. I ain't wearin' those things. If this is any indication of Algiers, I'm suddenly finding the Arctic much more interesting.

I haven't jimmies the lock to the armoury yet... funny wires running all over the place, and they're all red or blue -- and I can't remember which color would disarm anything unpleasant.

On the bright side, I did find that there are bottom-mounted loud-speakers. If we run into trouble, we can play Kenny G until any unfriendlies fall asleep. Or we could play Michael Bolton and wait until they dispatch each other.

Deb, I am counting of you for muscle and intimidation. Er, not to ME, but to anybody unpleasant to me -- just to be clear.

You hear that Geoff? Heh... I gots a body guard.

On the practical, anybody got any experience in hand-to-hand or can you at least square dance? I find that a suitable substitute when unfriendlies try to put hands-on.

You know, I don't know why I'm so jumpy... this is really just a simple trading mission... trade something for gold, I was told. Odd crate in the cargo bay. It sez "organs" on it. Puzzling.






OK, I couldn't wait. I peeked, then I peaked. Nothing runny, gross, or illegal. It's a Casio WK-series. I feel a lot better... I was sure it was going to look back at me or give me edgar allen poe nightmares. I don't THINK it's illegal.

Deb, can you an KK find a suitable distraction for the harbor master and mates? Nothing that will require a mop or creamation, please... we'll want to return to this port eventually. (hm... I wonder if Monte Carlo has a zeppelin hanger free? -- if not, I think the Pope can put us up for a while... he owes me one, plus, the Vatican has reasonable "no questions" exchange rates, and there are souvenirs).

Geoff, I just thought of something... if we have to pacify a group of people, we can drop steamed broccoli on them. How long do you think it will take you to steam about 2 tonnes of broccoli? Is it better to have it already steamed and drop cold, or take the chance on having to wait while you steam it?

[mvisconte]

Originally Posted by kindlekitten

HEY! where's the hot tub!?

The hot tub is on third deck, right above the skylight in the bar. Let us know when you plan of visiting, as I usually need a drink right about then.

Beats watching sports on the bar tv anyday.

Pshrynk, if you're tending, can I get a dry gin martini, please? With an olive, if you can get the jar open.

[mvisconte]

Ooo! I almost bribed a minor official! I promised him that if we could get a quite pass on customs, I'd arrange it so he was hung over when we got past the harbour.

He found me out when I inquired what size life preserver he wore. Damn, that's ALMOST worked, so many times.

[kindlekitten]

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

Cool beans!! I'll leave that to KK though. I don't like to get black powder residue on my nice leather corset. KK lives for black powder devices -- I'll just watch the fireworks.

Flabber propelled. Who woulda thunk?

there's nothing better than the scent of gunpowder in the morning!

Originally Posted by mvisconte

One of my previous... acquaintences seems to have enrolled me in the Fez-of-the-Month club... boxes 'em up, and ships 'em out hisself. Unfortunately, he leaves the head attached. I ain't wearin' those things. If this is any indication of Algiers, I'm suddenly finding the Arctic much more interesting.

I've the PERFECT solution! we'll use them as docking bumpers! keeps away the gawkers!
I haven't jimmies the lock to the armoury yet... funny wires running all over the place, and they're all red or blue -- and I can't remember which color would disarm anything unpleasant.

On the bright side, I did find that there are bottom-mounted loud-speakers. If we run into trouble, we can play Kenny G until any unfriendlies fall asleep. Or we could play Michael Bolton and wait until they dispatch each other.

Deb, I am counting of you for muscle and intimidation. Er, not to ME, but to anybody unpleasant to me -- just to be clear.

You hear that Geoff? Heh... I gots a body guard.

On the practical, anybody got any experience in hand-to-hand or can you at least square dance? I find that a suitable substitute when unfriendlies try to put hands-on.

You know, I don't know why I'm so jumpy... this is really just a simple trading mission... trade something for gold, I was told. Odd crate in the cargo bay. It sez "organs" on it. Puzzling.






OK, I couldn't wait. I peeked, then I peaked. Nothing runny, gross, or illegal. It's a Casio WK-series. I feel a lot better... I was sure it was going to look back at me or give me edgar allen poe nightmares. I don't THINK it's illegal.

Deb, can you an KK find a suitable distraction for the harbor master and mates? Nothing that will require a mop or creamation, please... we'll want to return to this port eventually. (hm... I wonder if Monte Carlo has a zeppelin hanger free? -- if not, I think the Pope can put us up for a while... he owes me one, plus, the Vatican has reasonable "no questions" exchange rates, and there are souvenirs).

like I said! I found a use for the heads! and we can always port hockey with the heads!
Geoff, I just thought of something... if we have to pacify a group of people, we can drop steamed broccoli on them. How long do you think it will take you to steam about 2 tonnes of broccoli? Is it better to have it already steamed and drop cold, or take the chance on having to wait while you steam it?

Originally Posted by mvisconte

The hot tub is on third deck, right above the skylight in the bar. Let us know when you plan of visiting, as I usually need a drink right about then.

Beats watching sports on the bar tv anyday.

Pshrynk, if you're tending, can I get a dry gin martini, please? With an olive, if you can get the jar open.

I always go in stealth mode!

[FlorenceArt]

Originally Posted by mvisconte

I haven't jimmies the lock to the armoury yet... funny wires running all over the place, and they're all red or blue -- and I can't remember which color would disarm anything unpleasant.

Well, that's easy: just pick a color at random, then at the very last second change your mind and pick the other. That always works.

[GeoffC]

"black powder" - these were not that kind of item - these packed a bigger punch and were nuclear-fueled...

[ShortNCuddlyAm]

Originally Posted by mvisconte

OK, I couldn't wait. I peeked, then I peaked. Nothing runny, gross, or illegal. It's a Casio WK-series. I feel a lot better... I was sure it was going to look back at me or give me edgar allen poe nightmares. I don't THINK it's illegal.

Possession isn't illegal in most countries, but use without licence is covered under the geneva convention. Even countries/regimes/individuals who don't observe the geneva convention observe that bit.

Meanwhile, all the chocolate appears to be genuine chocolate, but I need to do some more taste tests first. Same with the whisky. There is rather a lot to get through, erm, taste, so if anyone wants to help me... Geoff?

[GeoffC]

someone hollared ....



sheesh - has anybody really tried steaming tonnes of broccolli in a 3 pint saucepan, over a candle ..... this had better work Boss or you I and your bodyguard are going to have words of more than one sylabable .....

[dsvick]

Originally Posted by mvisconte

On the practical, anybody got any experience in hand-to-hand or can you at least square dance? I find that a suitable substitute when unfriendlies try to put hands-on.

In the Marine Corps we receive extensive hand to hand and unarmed combat techniques. Required hours or rigorous practice, training, sweating, bleeding, and even greater amounts of swearing. After the exhaustive course, final testing, and demonstrations most graduates are thoroughly qualified to go get their butts kicked in bar fight.

Other sorts of weapons, like pointy things that go bang, or tubey things that go whoosh boom, and long stick thingys that go rat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat are another story and there is a much greater chance of not hurting myself or others, well not too many others.

I could help KK if needed, or shortncuddly her job sounds interesting as well - or better yet I could do both - that sounds like a good combination!

[kindlekitten]

Originally Posted by dsvick

In the Marine Corps we receive extensive hand to hand and unarmed combat techniques. Required hours or rigorous practice, training, sweating, bleeding, and even greater amounts of swearing. After the exhaustive course, final testing, and demonstrations most graduates are thoroughly qualified to go get their butts kicked in bar fight.

Other sorts of weapons, like pointy things that go bang, or tubey things that go whoosh boom, and long stick thingys that go rat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat are another story and there is a much greater chance of not hurting myself or others, well not too many others.

I could help KK if needed, or shortncuddly her job sounds interesting as well - or better yet I could do both - that sounds like a good combination!

back aWAY from the gunpowder and no one gets hurt!

[pshrynk]

Originally Posted by mvisconte

I need to get busy checking the system out. Please, please, PLEASE people, don't go pressing the buttons! Especially buttons that imply either things exploding, or things dropping. The main floor is also a loading hatch. We've lost one good table and set of chairs so far.

You mean this red one here? <<click>> Uh oh.



AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

[dsvick]

Originally Posted by kindlekitten

back aWAY from the gunpowder and no one gets hurt!

Gunpowder!? I suppose next you'll tell me this isn't a candle?

[Wetdogeared]

Originally Posted by dsvick

Gunpowder!? I suppose next you'll tell me this isn't a candle?

Pass it to Kevin2960. He's been looking for something to do with his right hand.

[dsvick]

Originally Posted by mvisconte

Please, please, PLEASE people, don't go pressing the buttons! Especially buttons that imply either things exploding, or things dropping.

Originally Posted by pshrynk

You mean this red one here? <<click>> Uh oh.



AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

See this is where a trained weapons technician comes in - you have to ensure that it does the dropping part before the exploding part.


sheeesh, amatuers....