Unutterably Silly Friday's question of the Day 03 Oct 08

[pshrynk]

:groan:

[badgoodDeb]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

At last the station commander regained his voice and composure. "Sir? I know this sounds incredible, but – ummm --- errr, … we appear to be under attack from jedi ARTs."

whispers: jARTs? OMGoodness!!

VR, got any more popcorn? Mine's gone now. Oh, and can I hug you? It's starting to get scary here ......

[DixieGal]

Hi VR, Deb, I'm back from vacation. Anything new happening around the threads. (glances at thread) WTH???? Scoot over, lemme sit on the end of the couch beside the lamp.... (pets puppy, scritches behind its ears, grabs jowls and pulls them to make doggie smiley, settles in to watch what happens next)

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

...
At last the station commander regained his voice and composure. "Sir? I know this sounds incredible, but – ummm --- errr, … we appear to be under attack from jedi ARTs."

...and vanquishing old Darthy-boy was like opening the top of a soft-boiled egg


(http://www.sugarbushsquirrel.com/)

[radioflyertoo]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

...and vanquishing old Darthy-boy was like opening the top of a soft-boiled egg


(http://www.sugarbushsquirrel.com/)

So I guess charged state distributions can be used to provide meanful information on large-scale squirrel dynamics beyond detection of the outset of folding.

[LazyScot]

<cut to the military control room in the mountain.>

"Ma'am. The F-22's are reporting in. The Ranger's site… It's been wiped out. They're reporting no survivors and extensive damage. They're awaiting orders."

A silence passed over the control room as the news of the deaths sank in.

"We'll morn later. Now we deal with problem and make sure no others suffer the same fate." Stated the commander in terms that brooked no argument. "Get the F-22s down to a site where PsyOps can check them out. And get verification from recon flight yesterday. Get in touch with SigInt; see if there is anything of interest from the site about the time the attack took place." With that, as various officers efficiently passed her commands out, she turned to space liaison officer, and asked "any more news from Fred?"

"Ma'am; we have POTUS…" said a junior comms officer, passing a headset.

With a deep breath, the commander put on the headset. "President, we have a si—"

"Certainly I'll whisper if you want." Whispered the commander. "Now, we have—"

"No, I didn't know the President could start the hunting seasons early—"

"Yes, I'm sure. If I could just have a moment of your time. We have a serious problem and appear under attack from codeword ART. I—"

"Well I'd delay going hunting for a little. We need your permission to —"

"We will certainly help you eliminate the rabbits, but first we—"

"Yes, President. I need to have your permission to defend the —"

"Yes, President, I suspect they are in league with the rabbits. I need—"

"Can you confirm that you are giving me blanket authority to take all measures I see fit to deal with the ART threat?"

"Thank you President Fudd. I strongly recommend that you get aboard Air Force One at —"

"Yes, I think it would be an excellent place to spot the wabbits, I mean, rabbits from."

"Thank you, President. Goodbye."

With that she looked round the control room. "If any of you ever breath a word of this, or even try to titter….", she threatened, wisely leaving the punishment up to the imagination of those in the room. Shaking her head, she muttered to herself "Sometimes I wonder were the real threat to the nation lies. Rabbits indeed."

[LazyScot]

<cut back to Fred. Where the station commander is pushing LazyScot's bed (with him holding onto its underside), whilst talking to ground control.>

"Yes, I'm sure the craft is there; I can clearly see it. If you give me a moment I'll align our external cameras on it so you can see it and track it."

"What's ARTs?" asked LazyScot.

"Arboreal Rodent Threats." Replied the station commander.

LazyScot thought for a moment. "They're Furry A--"

"Shut Up. Ground Control will fly you down. Just strap yourself in." And with that the commander finished pushing LazyScot and his bed into the capsule and slammed down the airlock to the capsule. Shaking his head he muttered, "Yeah, I know, and they're in space suits and not welcome. If someone was scripting this they ought to be fired, one way, into deep space. My psychiatrist is not going to believe this." And with that, he then busied himself setting the cameras to point at the approach craft and its flotilla of space-suited squirrels, and placing them under the control of the ground station.

"You should be able to see the ARTs and ART craft on camera, and you should have control."

"Confirmed," said the ground control with Zen-like tones. "I have control. But we still cannot see the other target via radar or any other mechanism. Given how close they are reading on the cameras, I reco—"

"Don't worry, I am getting out now. The original target is now in capsule 2. It's clear for you to bring it down, but be careful about that other invisible bogey I reported. It's about 250 metres from us directly in line with the detach vector of capsule 2. I'm about to enter the capsule 1. I'll detach myself, and Neil and I will come down in it."

With that there was a dull thump as LazyScot's capsule left the station followed by another as the crew's capsule detatched. At almost the same moment a number of small, barely audible pairs of taps could be heard running through the station. The squirrels had arrived at Fred.

And with that the commander through himself into the remaining capsule, slamming down the airlock as he entered. Just as he shut the airlock door, a rushing blizzard emptied Fred through a freshly cut hole, courtesy of a light-sabre, and seconds after the suited squirrels enter.

The forms move menacingly along the length of the now vacated Fred, clearly looking for someone or something, randomly slicing and smashing parts as they move through towards the docking hatches. Had it been possible to hear, it would have seemed perfectly natural to hear something like "the target is not aboard" in communications back to their mother craft, once they had finally completed the search.

[pshrynk]

So, these ARTs -- They got six limbs and breed like, well, rats?

[LazyScot]

<cut back to the military control room, that despite the recent audio encounter with the President, has managed to retain its air of calm and sanity. Aided by the arrival of the coffee and doughnuts trolley.>

"Right, we've got the go for whatever we need to do. If we can find a base, I want to be able to eliminate it in minutes—the ground attack can go in later to mop up. Get a suitable task force airborne, and equipped for any eventuality. Include the ability to take out a deep bunker, and see if we can get any of the remote rollers. Keep all options open – I don't want to go nuclear if we can possibly avoid it, bu--" said the commander, the interruption causing an expression of resigned, expectation.

"Ma'am," said the space liaison officer. "Fred is ready to evacuate. They have the initial target in one capsule and the crew is in another. But they are reporting a new hostile target that has deployed ARTs against Fred. We cannot get any radar fixes on this new target, but have it via the external cameras on Fred."

"Right; get them all down. See if you can bring them down to the same site as the F-22s so they can be evaluated. And I don't expect arguments over non-water landings. I know those capsules are capable of it, even if they occupants might get somewhat bruised."

"At once. Shall I order the marines to try and take out the new target as well as the ARTs on Fred?"

"Yes—No! Wait. You said that Fred had limited manoeuvring ability?"

"Yes, some, but---"

"Okay. What is the new target doing?"

"Difficult to tell, but it looks like it is moving after the capsule holding the first—"

"Excellent. We have control of the first capsule?"

"Yes."

"So we have some bait, control and a baseball bat called Fred," stated the commander.

"Ma'am, you can't. Fred is---"

"Just a bunch of overpriced fancy metal and plastic. If the F-22s are right, I've lost people on my watch. I have blanket Presidential authority. If I can save lives of my people at the price of a rejected extra for a Star Wars movie I will. Do I make myself clear?"

"But the first target is on…"

"Exactly. Either it's theirs, in which case we take it out, or it got us into this mess and should damn well get us out of it. Now, are you resigning?"

"Yes Ma'am. I mean no Ma'am. I mean I'll see you orders are carried out." And with that the officer started a very animated dialogue.

[nekokami]

An animated dialogue? Has the rest of this been live-action?

[radioflyertoo]

Nah they are just pretending it's really stop action claymation ala Wallace and Gromett.

[digitalzen]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

...and vanquishing old Darthy-boy was like opening the top of a soft-boiled egg


(http://www.sugarbushsquirrel.com/)

someone just started another thread about squirrels....they seem to be invading this forum! i'd like to see a harry potter version

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by digitalzen

someone just started another thread about squirrels....they seem to be invading this forum! i'd like to see a harry potter version

digitalzen, you have no idea how much the evil little buggers have invaded. Trust me, I've been supplying the Pirate Ninja Squirrels from my expansive armoury, so I know how far it's gone.

(and, BTW, I think it's fantastic to see you jumping straight in, feet first. I always like to see new folk getting sucked into the vortex...err, I mean, joining in. Be careful - it's addictive!)

Cheers,
Marc

[digitalzen]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

digitalzen, you have no idea how much the evil little buggers have invaded. Trust me, I've been supplying the Pirate Ninja Squirrels from my expansive armoury, so I know how far it's gone.

(and, BTW, I think it's fantastic to see you jumping straight in, feet first. I always like to see new folk getting sucked into the vortex...err, I mean, joining in. Be careful - it's addictive!)

Cheers,
Marc

Marc, it sounds like you're letting things get out of control on here -- perhaps that's why this forum is so addictive? Ah, the all consuming chaos. I'm going to start seeing squirrels not just on here, but popping out of my books, all thanks to you!

Perhaps your rascally little squirrels would be up for a match against my uncle? He has a very worrying penchant for going after them with the BB gun . I think some ninja squirrels need to show him who's boss.

Enough squirrel talk for now -- it's making me squirrelly.

And thanks btw, it's fun to be here with all you crazies

[pshrynk]

Originally Posted by digitalzen

Marc, it sounds like you're letting things get out of control on here -- perhaps that's why this forum is so addictive? Ah, the all consuming chaos. I'm going to start seeing squirrels not just on here, but popping out of my books, all thanks to you!

Perhaps your rascally little squirrels would be up for a match against my uncle? He has a very worrying penchant for going after them with the BB gun . I think some ninja squirrels need to show him who's boss.

Enough squirrel talk for now -- it's making me squirrelly.

And thanks btw, it's fun to be here with all you crazies

Not all of us are crazies. some are attendants.

$300, please, you can pay the lady at the door.