Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 293

wannabee · 01-05-2012, 05:31 AM

I was an ugly kid. When I played in the sand box the cat kept covering me up.

Daithi · 01-05-2012, 02:10 PM

One of my employees didn't show up for work today. Normally, he is a pretty diligent individual, so when he didn't even call, I started to get a little concerned, and I called his home. His four year old daughter answered the phone and said "Hello" in a hushed voice. Our conversation then proceeded something like as follows--

"Hi Alice. Is your daddy home?"

"Yes, but he is busy."

"Well, how about your mommy?"

"She's busy too."

"Well are there any other adults there at the house?"

"The policemen and the firemen."

"Let me speak with one of them."

"I can't. They're busy."

"What are they all doing?"

"They're looking for me."

Fbone · 01-05-2012, 03:41 PM

Anything preying on my mind would starve to death.

Fbone · 01-06-2012, 04:32 PM

Archeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.

Fbone · 01-07-2012, 02:39 PM

At my age, actions creak louder than words.

Fbone · 01-09-2012, 01:51 AM

Did you hear about the new 'morning after' pill for men? It changes their blood type.

orlok · 01-09-2012, 04:42 PM

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside.

One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road.

"I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.

"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"

"Well, we work for the county government, " one of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the county's money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us - me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back."

"Yeah," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean we can't work, does it?"

WT Sharpe · 01-09-2012, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

Did you hear about the new 'morning after' pill for men? It changes their blood type.

That's cold!

yvanleterrible · 01-10-2012, 06:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

That's cold!

Quite!

Could have been worse though. " It changes their genetic signature."...

wannabee · 01-10-2012, 07:37 AM

A prisoner escaped from Long Bay Gaol (jail) using a fake gun made out of paper. He got caught when his getaway car blew away.

wannabee · 01-10-2012, 07:45 AM

After Christmas I'm heavily in debt. My goal now is to just be broke. I just want to get back to zero. I'll leave it to my kids. "See this? None of this is all yours."

wannabee · 01-10-2012, 07:56 AM

Everything at Ikea requires assembly. I bought a pillow and they gave me a sack and a duck.

badgoodDeb · 01-10-2012, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wannabee

Everything at Ikea requires assembly. I bought a pillow and they gave me a sack and a duck.

Here's directions for an IKEA Hadron Collider.

http://www.spinthebottle.com/how-to-...adron-collider

Fbone · 01-10-2012, 02:45 PM

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

Bookpossum · 01-10-2012, 05:42 PM

Oh, I don't know. She's a pretty discerning dog!

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01-05-2012, 05:31 AM	#4381
wannabee Media Bloke Posts: 2,382 Karma: 113956855 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: NSW - Australia Device: iOS	I was an ugly kid. When I played in the sand box the cat kept covering me up.

01-05-2012, 02:10 PM	#4382
Daithi Publishers are evil! Posts: 2,418 Karma: 36205264 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Rhode Island Device: Various Kindles	One of my employees didn't show up for work today. Normally, he is a pretty diligent individual, so when he didn't even call, I started to get a little concerned, and I called his home. His four year old daughter answered the phone and said "Hello" in a hushed voice. Our conversation then proceeded something like as follows-- "Hi Alice. Is your daddy home?" "Yes, but he is busy." "Well, how about your mommy?" "She's busy too." "Well are there any other adults there at the house?" "The policemen and the firemen." "Let me speak with one of them." "I can't. They're busy." "What are they all doing?" "They're looking for me."

01-05-2012, 03:41 PM	#4383
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Anything preying on my mind would starve to death.

01-06-2012, 04:32 PM	#4384
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Archeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.

01-07-2012, 02:39 PM	#4385
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	At my age, actions creak louder than words.

01-09-2012, 01:51 AM	#4386
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Did you hear about the new 'morning after' pill for men? It changes their blood type.

01-09-2012, 04:42 PM	#4387
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?" "Well, we work for the county government, " one of the men said. "But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the county's money?" "You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us - me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back." "Yeah," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean we can't work, does it?"

01-10-2012, 07:37 AM	#4390
wannabee Media Bloke Posts: 2,382 Karma: 113956855 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: NSW - Australia Device: iOS	A prisoner escaped from Long Bay Gaol (jail) using a fake gun made out of paper. He got caught when his getaway car blew away.

01-10-2012, 07:45 AM	#4391
wannabee Media Bloke Posts: 2,382 Karma: 113956855 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: NSW - Australia Device: iOS	After Christmas I'm heavily in debt. My goal now is to just be broke. I just want to get back to zero. I'll leave it to my kids. "See this? None of this is all yours."

01-10-2012, 07:56 AM	#4392
wannabee Media Bloke Posts: 2,382 Karma: 113956855 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: NSW - Australia Device: iOS	Everything at Ikea requires assembly. I bought a pillow and they gave me a sack and a duck.

01-10-2012, 02:45 PM	#4394
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

01-10-2012, 05:42 PM	#4395
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,146 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	Oh, I don't know. She's a pretty discerning dog!