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#4231 |
Close to the Edit!
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Karma: 267994408
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: UK
Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"
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![]() Groan (and double groan). A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. |
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#4232 | |
Grand Sorcerer
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Karma: 11844413
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tampa, FL USA
Device: Kindle Touch
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Quote:
But the punch line I "use" is. You throw one overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter. BOb Last edited by pilotbob; 12-09-2011 at 09:31 AM. |
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#4233 |
Is that a sandwich?
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Karma: 101697116
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
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Beauty is only a light switch away.
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#4234 |
Is that a sandwich?
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Karma: 101697116
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Nook Glowlight Plus
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Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean (against doors, tables, walls).
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#4235 |
Illiterate
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Karma: 37848716
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: The Sandwich Isles
Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro
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#4236 |
The Introvert
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Karma: 1000077497
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: United Kingdom
Device: Sony Reader PRS-650 & 505 & 500
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#4237 |
Grand Sorcerer
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Karma: 64462893
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Harrisburg outskirts
Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1
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I thought they'd have tried "ten" then.
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#4238 |
Guru
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Karma: 43409226
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Bay Area, CA
Device: Kindle 3
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#4239 |
Opsimath
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Karma: 187123287
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand
Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy
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What? Do you mean you do NOT have them in your department stores?
![]() Not only are there elevator operators who push the buttons for you, they bow to you when you enter, protect you from the closing door, and bow to you when you exit... AND... there is a second operator outside the lift to invite you in, remind everyone that the lift is about to depart, and give you all (including the inside operator) a nice farewell bow. If the department store really has its act together, there are also Escalator Girls... ![]() These are all highly desirable jobs in Japan, requiring a four-year college degree, and extensive training. ![]() Most often, young women choose which department store to work for depending upon who has designed the uniforms. Donna Karen and Armani are the most sought-after designers. It is their goal to meet the man of their dreams (before age 25) and quit this damn boring work! Stitchawl |
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#4240 |
Guru
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Karma: 5565888
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Townsend, WI
Device: Palm TX, PRS-505 (BLUE)
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#4241 | |
Wizard
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Karma: 2081110
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: SW Australia
Device: Eco Eclipse, Sony PRS 350 (pink), Ipod Touch, Kindle Touch
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Quote:
Aaahh Japan, everyone is so polite. It took us about a month to stop bowing to everyone when we got home after staying there for a couple of weeks. |
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#4242 |
Opsimath
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Karma: 187123287
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand
Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy
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#4243 |
The Introvert
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Karma: 1000077497
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: United Kingdom
Device: Sony Reader PRS-650 & 505 & 500
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#4244 |
Addict
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Karma: 17083352
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Device: K4 Touch, Kindle Fire, HP Touchpad
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A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”
The rancher says, “Okay, but do not go in that field over there,” as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. “See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? ” The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis Bull…… With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he’ll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs….. “Your badge… Show him your badge!!” |
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#4245 |
Addict
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Karma: 17083352
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Device: K4 Touch, Kindle Fire, HP Touchpad
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A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But, officer,” the man began, “I can explain” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!” A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.” “Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.” |
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