Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 272

PeterT · 11-08-2011, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

After digging down to 30 feet in Colchester, Jack Lucknow, a
self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found “absolutely f**k all”. Jack has therefore concluded that “250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."

Makes you bloody proud to be British.

I thought it was an IRISH man who had done the dig!

Hamlet53 · 11-08-2011, 06:59 PM

According to the story this actually originates with George Takei.

Quake1028 · 11-09-2011, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

Technology

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Australian
scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and
came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone
network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Aussies, in the weeks that followed, an
American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet and, shortly
after, a story was published in the New York Times: "American
archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have
concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech
communications network 50 years earlier than the Australians".

One week later, Essex County Council (for you colonial types that's in the SE of England) , reported the following:

After digging down to 30 feet in Colchester, Jack Lucknow, a
self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found “absolutely f**k all”. Jack has therefore concluded that “250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."

Makes you bloody proud to be British.

Reminds me of an Eddie Izzard joke. Great stuff

.

Lycoming · 11-09-2011, 09:32 AM

How To Save The Airlines

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell, they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary , thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Obama think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

HomeInMyShoes · 11-09-2011, 09:33 AM

It was moderately funny. Until the signature at which point it was hilarious.

Bilbo1967 · 11-09-2011, 10:48 AM

One for UK members only possibly:

A professional footballer, a racist and a philanderer walk into a bar.

"Good evening, Mr Terry", says the barman.

Fbone · 11-09-2011, 11:36 AM

If brains were dynamite you wouldn't even have enough to blow your nose.

Bilbo1967 · 11-09-2011, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

If brains were dynamite you wouldn't even have enough to blow your nose.

I didn't think my joke was that bad!

Lycoming · 11-09-2011, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bilbo1967

I didn't think my joke was that bad!

No, it's one of Fbone's series.

WT Sharpe · 11-09-2011, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

No, it's one of Fbone's series.

Fbone has a series of Bilbo1967 jokes?

Bilbo1967 · 11-09-2011, 12:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

Fbone has a series of Bilbo1967 jokes?

Fbone is my wife???!!???

badgoodDeb · 11-09-2011, 02:37 PM

[ Hey, *I* like male flight attendants!

]

Stitchawl · 11-09-2011, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HomeInMyShoes

It was moderately funny. Until the signature at which point it was hilarious.

'Funny?' I thought it a workable solution!

Stitchawl

Fbone · 11-09-2011, 07:52 PM

If God had meant for me to touch my toes, He would have put chocolate on the floor.

wodin · 11-09-2011, 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

'Funny?' I thought it a workable solution!

Stitchawl

X1

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11-08-2011, 06:59 PM	#4067
Hamlet53 Nameless Being	According to the story this actually originates with George Takei.

11-09-2011, 09:32 AM	#4069
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	How To Save The Airlines Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell, they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary , thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.' Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset. Why didn't Obama think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself? Sincerely, Bill Clinton

11-09-2011, 09:33 AM	#4070
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	It was moderately funny. Until the signature at which point it was hilarious.

11-09-2011, 10:48 AM	#4071
Bilbo1967 Not scared! Posts: 13,424 Karma: 81011643 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Midlands, UK Device: Kindle Paperwhite 10, Huawei M5 10	One for UK members only possibly: A professional footballer, a racist and a philanderer walk into a bar. "Good evening, Mr Terry", says the barman.

11-09-2011, 11:36 AM	#4072
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,318 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	If brains were dynamite you wouldn't even have enough to blow your nose.

11-09-2011, 02:37 PM	#4077
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,574 Karma: 64462893 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	[ Hey, I like male flight attendants! ]

11-09-2011, 07:52 PM	#4079
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,318 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	If God had meant for me to touch my toes, He would have put chocolate on the floor.