Unutterably Silly Convenient Lies

[kindlekitten]

DAMN! and I didn't have the garlic handy!

[poohbear_nc]

Originally Posted by kindlekitten

DAMN! and I didn't have the garlic handy!

Of course not - Am put it all in the whisky!

[poohbear_nc]

Oh, and of course, a dozen or so mechanical chickens.

And ... as night began falling ...
[dave] I didn't drop it! It was Deb's fault! (smack!) Ow!

... and the slavering group of morons, errr, gallant crew marched on, trailed by their newly reconstituted captain
... no one noticed the small mechanical chickens' eyes begin to glow in a sickly lurid red light that could only mean ---
... freed from the garlicky whiskey fumes (damn you Am - you'll be the first to be assimilated) ... (KK next!)
...the Borg Chicken drones were reawakening to their vampiric programming ...

Could the fate of our feckless heros lie with pshrynk? Did he leave a wee dram o'spirits in the liquor cabinet to combat this fearsome feathery menace? Or would GeoffC's herbal cooking skills save the day -- and the crew?
Can the fearless, but hungry, female bodyguards handle this fowl challenge to their beloved, but confusing, captain?
And where is WDE the wonder pup?

[pshrynk]

I always leave enough behind to deal with Adrian in case he shows up. Or psockpuppet. He absorbs alcohol like a sponge.

[kindlekitten]

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

(KK next!)

NEVAH!!!!!!

[Wetdogeared]

Originally Posted by mvisconte

[mvisconte] I smell alcohol. Ah... yes. I see... the Chicken-borg has re-booted. I think we can deal with this. Attention, everybody, can we regroup outside? Near the sign that says "Gatheration Point"

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

And where is WDE the wonder pup?

(Just repainted that sign. I just couldn't let it stay that way.)

[Dave] Hey WD(E), whacha doin'?

[WD(E)] Have you ever been to sea, Billy?

[Dave] No, just the side of it. And my name's Dave, WD(E).

[WD(E)] Duh! Sorry Dave. Well, I'm painting over this here sign, Dave.

[Dave] That's okay, WD(E). What's a "Muster Station"?

[WD(E)] Why, that's a...a...a..."Gatheration Point".

[Dave] But...but...don't they mean...

[WD(E)] Yeah, I know. (An idiosyncratic response.)

[Dave] We better run and catch up to the Capt'n and the rest of the gang.

[WD[E]) Yeah, I know. This captain's last name wouldn't be Highliner would it?

[Dave] I dunno WD(E). It seems appropriate in as how we've been flying pretty high lately.

[WD(E)] We have, haven't we.

[Dave] Yup, I think she likes me.

[WD(E)] Yeah, I know.

[mvisconte]

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

And ... as night began falling ...
[dave] I didn't drop it! It was Deb's fault! (smack!) Ow!

If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, it's ALWAYS Deb's fault... but KK and Am are doing their part, too.

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

... and the slavering group of morons, errr, gallant crew marched on, trailed by their newly reconstituted captain

Wait. what? I was behind Clovis (not a sight for the faint of heart) being followed by Deb, KK, and Am. But (npi), if I'm behind the crew (where a good captain should be), then who's behind me? Or, who's behind am I behind?

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

... no one noticed the small mechanical chickens' eyes begin to glow in a sickly lurid red light that could only mean ---

Oh, I noticed all right... I noticed.

...

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

...the Borg Chicken drones were reawakening to their vampiric programming ...

Nope, not yet. I'll go with the glowing eyes... we need to be able to see to get around in the dark, right?

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

Could the fate of our feckless heros lie with pshrynk?

Oh, I get it. Psychiatrist, couch, lie. Heh.

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

Or would GeoffC's herbal cooking skills save the day -- and the crew?

Chocolate's an herb, right? Coat the chickens in choco, and BAM! -- no more chicken. But some indigestion soon after.

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

Can the fearless, but hungry, female bodyguards handle this fowl challenge to their beloved, but confusing, captain?

Methinks they can handle pretty much anything... plus, Dave has those wonderful toys! (Joker: Where DOES he get those wonderful toys?)

(Reading from manual:
"Press Red Button To Arm Device" *CLICK*
Good... now what's the next part... "Release to Detonate"
Oh crap. Note to self: Read the ENTIRE manual next time before playing with shiny toys.)

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

And where is WDE the wonder pup?

Ah! Now I know. WD(E) is following the girls...
You know, WD(E) has a unique view on things... I can truthfully say, "I'd like to see things from his perspective."


[Announcer] We'll get right back to our feature, but first this commercial!
[Commercial guy] ... We've secretly replaced their Folgers Crystals with Clovis' 'shine. Let's listen in!
[Crew] Now THAT's some DAMN FINE COFFEE! Woohoo!
[Commercial guy] Maybe we should have thought this out a bit more.
[Announcer] Available at fine stills near you! Back to our show.

[poohbear_nc]

Psssst ... dave ... come here .... dave ....

[dave] What? Who's calling me? Am? Is that you? It's so dark I can't see anything except those blasted chicken eyes glowing like demonic Exit signs.

... that's right dave ... over here ... Deb's taking off her univorm ... vant to see?...

[dave] Where? Let me through you blasted poultry-bots!

...you need to bend ofer and look through this peep-hole dave...

[dave] OK - why is the peep-hole so close to the ground? I have to get down on my hands and knees ... and
AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
get that tube out of my neck you feathered fiends! Am, WDE, somebody - help! I'm getting faint ... can't hold on ...

[ChickenBorgVampire] Gooood vork mein widdle flock. Ve have taken our virst victim tonight. Take him to ze vault now. Bring up some more of the vhiskey - we'll lure the rest of them out!

Vun down. Now for the next ....

.... Hmmm Here widdle doggie! Ve haff chocolate! Lots and lots of dark chocolate! .....

(Und haff the net ready in case KK comes along!)

[badgoodDeb]

You know, I make a Really Good chicken soup. Time to get started on that recipe.....

[kindlekitten]

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

You know, I make a Really Good chicken soup. Time to get started on that recipe.....

here's some garlic!

*psssst* I think someone just dropped the soap!

[poohbear_nc]

Zoo ... maybe I catch 2 by ze zoup kettle, eh? My flock awaits your puny attempts at culinary combat!
... memo to self - lay in an extra large supply of mints to combat incoming garlic/vhiskey bombs ...

[GeoffC]

how did this adventure morph into a foodie and drinkie story - what happened to the "PLAN" ....

[poohbear_nc]

The PLAN is being catered?

[mvisconte]

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

Psssst ... dave ... come here .... dave ....

...

[dave] Where? Let me through you blasted poultry-bots!

...you need to bend ofer and look through this peep-hole dave...

[dave] OK - why is the peep-hole so close to the ground? I have to get down on my hands and knees ... and
AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
...

Wait... why is this looking more like a scene from "Deliverance?"

"diddle-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee..."


Come on! Deliverance was Georgia -- this is Virginia.

Dagnabit in-bred chickens...

That's what we need! Breading! And a huge fire, to take the place of the plasma jets.

Hang on Dave, we're gonna reduce those damnable chickens to alarm clocks.

Clovis, get that ol' weed burner and fill it with some 'shine, we're gonna have to exterminate before we go rescue Tiny.



Plan? Who the hell said we have a plan? I have a scheme to capture / schwindle some Atzec gold, oggle the female crew members. (totally different than oggling the crew's members), mate with some native virgins, become Monarch of Lemuria (hey, look at me, I'm King o' the Monkeys!).

You think I PLANNED this?
Piloting a stolen dirigible across un-charted space (and time),
smuggling probably-stolen organs,
trying to run things using a SOP manual written in 27 languages (and a few alien hieroglyphics) with only Rosetta Stone disks to help me translate,
stuck ass-first in a farmer's field, miles from civilization,
low on supplies, chocolate, whiskey, and coffee cream,
battling cyborg chickens which don't know long-pig from lamb -- and won't eat their alarms clocks like good chickens,
teaming up with a crazy half-mutant back-woods moon-shiner,
on my way to bust a condemned man I don't even know out of a rinky-dink jail in some urban backwater,
hiking down dirt roads trying to find said rinky-dink jail,
and using poison ivey after a slit trench because we forgot to find a Sears-Roebuck catalog?

Does THAT sound like a plan to YOU, bucky?






Darn-tootin'! Ah... I love it when a plan comes together.

[Wetdogeared]

Is this a fill-in-the-blanks plan?