Unutterably Silly Escape Committee

[badgoodDeb]

Have they done enough shopping to re-energize the economy?

[LazyScot]

"Excuse me, " politely interrupted Nekokami, " but large quantities of Christmas trees, decorations and festive accessories seem have suddenly appeared."

"What???," said a very confused LazyScot. "It's still July, " he finished glancing quickly at his watch. "They ---." In true Cary Grant doubletake style (which really did not suit his physique), he stopped and then looked at his watch again. "December??!?." "DECEMBER." He sat down rapidly.

"I told you it was dangerous outside the Lounge. Things don't happen in the correct fashion. Time, for instance," commented Nekokami.

"Okay, okay. So we'll be better back in the Lounge. Let's go. Actually let's add some Christmas stuff; it'll help the party along," said LazyScot, picking out a couple of very nice Christmas trees and some stylishly subdued decorations.

"Don't forget to pay, " reminded Nekokami as they added to Pandaborg-B's logistics nightmare.

"this letter just appeared for you at the mailboxes, etc. store", said Zelda, passing an envelope bearing a Hawaiian stamp to LazyScot, who promptly opened it, and read the contents.

"It's from my sanity, " said LazyScot, paraphrasing as he read. "Apparently she's enjoying a great, lengthy, protracted holiday in Hawaii." LazyScot continued to read, pausing as he digested the contents. "It seems she is really enjoying it there. And has been joined by my common sense." With that LazyScot looking up and briefly stopping reading, " well not surprising, I suppose, given the events of late," as he watch the llamas and Pandaborg load the BatPickup with a somewhat unusually collection of shopping as Arthur's surreal coat lightshow display progressed unabated. LazyScot continued reading, " they're planning on settling down together and are opening a tea shop in Paia at the start of the road to Hana," finished LazyScot, putting the letter down.

"will they offer discounts to us, if we make it to hawaii?" asked Zelda? In response, LazyScot glared.

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

"will they offer discounts to us, if we make it to hawaii?" asked Zelda? In response, LazyScot glared.

but, will they ?? all those scones start to add up after a while you know !

[LazyScot]

"Okay, we're almost there. I think we're still missing a brain, some angora rabbits and an assortment of party music. And it's just as well I got the Harley's as we won't fit in the pickup, or the trailer now, "observed Pandaborg-B indicating the almost overloaded BatPickUP. "So what now, LazyScot?" He concluded as the last shopping package was loaded up, and Dorothy and William at last got Arthur settled, and his psychedelic light effect toned down to "only slightly insane".

"SURRENDER IMMEDIATELY. PUT YOUR HANDS UP AND WALK OVER TO THE ENTRANCE" blared out with all the subtly of a shocking pink dress at a funeral, causing everyone (okay, just LazyScot) to jump.

"I wondered how long it would take them to get here, " said Pandaborg Policeman, "especially as what we're doing is being described on a website."

"Why didn’t you warn us, then…" snapped an annoyed LazyScot.

"Two words: script and---"

"YOU HAVE THIRTY SECONDS TO COMPLY OR WE OPEN FIRE." Announced the armed forces surrounding the shopping mall, in a tone from which the only inference one could draw was that they wanted to open fire, and if you did surrender, they would decide thirty seconds had passed and open fire anyway.

"Right, Pandborgs, mount your bikes, everyone else into the pickup. BatAI – you're so bright, suggestions for getting us out of here?"

"Easy." With that a long bar started emerging from the front of the pickup and slowly unfolding. "If the Pandaborg will just link up to the forward plot device, I'll fly us out of here."

"You heard the Bat-AI." Shouted LazyScot out of the pickup window. He then paused, looked confused and observed "I must be learning, I didn't even think to doubt the insanity of what was just said. I'm clearly better off without them." And with that the Pandaborg hitched their Harley's to the tow-bar at the front of the PickUp, and made sure they had a very good hold on their bikes. And for no apparent reason whatsoever, everyone then put on their sunglasses.

"There are 106 armed policemen out there, we've got a full tank of gas, half a bar of chocolate, its dark and we're wearing sunglasses," said LazyScot, making a truly awful reference to the Blues Brothers.

"hit it." Said Zelda (with a certain degree of nerves, given the way the lounge can mis-interpret things).

And so LazyScot floored the accelerator, and the pickup launched itself forward, and in perfect synchronisation 106 guns were cocked and aimed at the location of the pickup.

Then, to the amazement of everyone, the pickup leapt into the air and accelerated faster than even the Harley's would normally have been able to attain. The resultant craft, resembling a gothic version of Santa Claus, his sleigh and his reindeer hurtled straight at, and over the police, weaving, zig-ing and zag-ing with a nimble elegance that totally defeated any thought of aiming that the police had. As a result, the unfortunate law enforcement agents could do nothing but try and collect their jaws from the floor; apart from those who waved back in disbelief to Arthur as he tried to say a drunken hello over the side of the trailer and instead were trying to repair the psychedelic damage his coat had done to their eyesight.

[nekokami]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

For reasons lost in the mists of posts, he sought to form an escape committee, which met with something between skepticism and disbelief.

Somewhere in the near neighborhood of "ridicule," I believe.

Originally Posted by LazyScot

"Gunpowder is a type of tea. Like Oolong. You know – the Black Dragon. Like in R. A. Macavoy's book."

"Oh yes, know the book well; excellent one. But, I though you wanted some other teas as well."

Oh, well done! Extra karma for the book placement. One of my favorites!

Originally Posted by LazyScot

"Got them; and lots of other goodies." Replied Nekokami waving four large, stuffed bags bearing the name Fortnum and Mason, and two bearing the logo "Chococo – The Purbeck Chocolate Company", as George, Anne and Charlotte operate a relay to the pick-up with crate after crate labelled "Maxwell and Kennedy".

I will grant you that Fornum & Mason appear to offer a splendid variety of chocolate delights, and Maxwell & Kennedy have quite the rep for their handmade goodies, but Nekokami has selected Chococo, Green & Blacks, Rapunzel, and other organic and fair trade confectionaries only. (The llamas, however, may have chosen other goodies, and I wouldn't begrudge helping them carry the loot.)

[GeoffC]

one can do a lot with half a bar of chocolate....

[LazyScot]

Having successfully lost the few following police vehicles, by the simple expedients of both out pacing them and flying over a conveniently re-located Grand Canyon, the pickup had landed on a quiet road in the middle of a flat open landscape criss-crossed with high chain-link fences and the occasional fields of over ripe corn.

"I know I'm going to regret this, but where are we going to get the last few items?" asked LazyScot.

"One moment, I just need to hac… er consult some databases." <pause> "hmmm" <pause> "Well did you evah…" <pause> "Okay." Conclude the BatAI.

"I'm not going to like this, am I?" prophesised LazyScot.

"Yes is unlikely to be a truthful answer" admitted the BatAI.

"Where is your spirit of adventure?" asked Pandaborg-B.

"I think Arthur drank it all back in the Shopping Mall. I don't have any options do I?"

"So you did read the script?" asked the BatAI.

"I don't know where you get these weird delusions from, but no. I just see blindingly obvious patterns, I'm pretty certain I'm still up the tree, and that sounds awfully like a pile of rocks."

"Up the tree?" asked the BatAI.

"Oh look it up yourself, and lets get this over with" retorted LazyScot grumpily.

"Okay, let's start with the brain. If we go to---"

"Oh why spoil the surprise." grouched LazyScot. "Which way?" and with that the BatAI SatNav lit up. "Okay, Pandborg follow me. Unless you've got some common sense or an instinct for self preservation."

"Someone got out of bed on the wrong side." Observed Zelda.

"Look, I have no idea how to put a cork in a Klein bottle, but I'm more than willing to try, and I don't think the bottle will enjoy it." Growled LazyScot as he threw the pickup around far more violently than was necessary.

After fifteen unnecessarily sharp turns, LazyScot's mood seemed to lighten. "Hey, you know this is actually quite fun…"

"Arthur appears to be a little bit green now. And the rest of us are somewhat thrown about. Perhaps, if you are feeling a little less crabby you could drive somewhat more gently?" asked Nekokami.

"Oh alright. Sorry." And with that LazyScot turned, as directed by the BatSatNav which now ominously said "You have arrived at your final destination", and passed through and unmanned gate that automatically glided open, allowing access to a long drive that had the worrying air of carefully maintained neglect.

[LazyScot]

"Okay, oh marvellous BatAI, " said LazyScot as the team got out of the pickup, dismounted from their motorbikes and clambered out of the trailer, " so what are we after here?"

"The brain. It'll be the right size, but with a few extra additions," said the BatAI.

"Okay, " sighed LazyScot, who was slowly learning not to question impossible silliness, "so do we just walk in and pick it up?"

"Yup!" replied the BatAI, far too cheerfully and optimistically for LazyScot's taste. And with that, they all trooped into the building.

"So just what is this place, anyway?" asked LazyScot in a tone not expecting an answer as the menagerie ambled down the corridor of the apparently unoccupied building.

"It’s the super secret emergency backup and unmanned research facility for Google. And it houses a spare wikipedia server, " answered the BatAI in an alarmingly nonchalant and matter of fact way. Every one stopped moving. "They use those a few of those brains, with additions, as backup servers. That's the additions the brain will have."

"Err… WHAT??" spluttered LazyScot.

"Don't worry about it. You'll be in and out in no time. It'll be perfectly safe. There's no-one here."

"Okay, so I'm worried. Lets get this over with as quickly as possible." And with that everyone started moving rapidly onwards.

"Third door on the right, straight through the lab into the corridor on the other side and it's the door opposite, " directed the BatAI. "Oh, try not to talk whilst you're going through the lab."

"Why not?"

"They've an advanced search engine linked to a highly advanced, military spec fabrication system, " explained the BatAI to a very intrigued LazyScot who developed a gleam in his eye. And with that the team entered the lab.

"Venture One," said LazyScot. And with that the room darkened and silent machinery spun into action. In a matter of seconds, a perfect, fully functional Venture One rolled into the room, and the lights returned.

"Tom Waits." Shouted an enthusiastic Zelda a few seconds too late as everyone rushed to get out of the lab before temptation produced some serious copyright violations.

"spoilsports, " said Zelda. "oh well. i guess at least steve jordan will be happy."

"It's just fair payment for his stories this year. Right let's get the brain and get out of here before anything goes wrong, " said LazyScot pushing the Venture One into the lab and loading the brain into it. "What are those?" asked LazyScot indicating a pile of boxes labelled "battery operated, handheld liquidizers".

"They're a plot device. Don't worry about them." Responded a curt BatAI.

"Okay. However, one thing troubles me. How come they have no security given the importance and value of all this stuff?"

"Oh this is Google. They don't need it. They know everything."

"What on earth do you mean?" queried a confused LazyScot.

"Well, since Google know everything, though their monitoring of everything on the net, they know what will happen before it happens. So they can stop it, or arrange appropriate defence."

"Ah. I think we have a problem."

"How so?" asked the BatAI.

"Well all of this is being typed by me into a website. That is indexed by Google…"

"Oh B---," started the BatAI as various alarms and klaxons went off.

"DUCK!!! Killer Kumquats…." Shouted LazyScot diving to the floor as a small, high velocity flying orange fruit narrowly missed him and embedded itself deep in the wall.

[zelda_pinwheel]

the obvious solution would have been to request "method for putting a cork in a klein bottle ?" while in the server room.

but then what do you expect from someone who won't even let me request tom waits. sheesh. spoilsports is putting it mildly.

[Greg Anos]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

the obvious solution would have been to request "method for putting a cork in a klein bottle ?" while in the server room.

but then what do you expect from someone who won't even let me request tom waits. sheesh. spoilsports is putting it mildly.

Just don't get your shorts in a Mobeius twist....

[nekokami]

So the question is... why did Google let us into the place to begin with? They must WANT us to take the brain and flee... but why?

[LazyScot]

Originally Posted by nekokami

So the question is... why did Google let us into the place to begin with? They must WANT us to take the brain and flee... but why?

Anyone would think it was trying to plant a spy in our midst. But we won't know that until the sequel, will we?

[GeoffC]

and then we need a prequel

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

Anyone would think it was trying to plant a spy in our midst. But we won't know that until the sequel, will we?

so just when will we be seeing the sequel, anyway ?


...no pressure, of course.

[GeoffC]

...no none at all - but when are we scheduled for an update ?