Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 269

dreams · 11-03-2011, 12:22 AM

The first rule of holes...

If you are in one, stop digging.

howyoudoin · 11-03-2011, 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

I need my sinuses like I need a hole in my head.

[I'm running out of material]

Please keep going! Your updates always put a smile on my face

afa · 11-03-2011, 02:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

I ordered a self help tape called "How to Handle Disappointment" when the package came, the box was empty.

Hehe...

WT Sharpe · 11-03-2011, 08:15 AM

From Aaron Karo's Ruminations.com:

How long a month is depends on whether or not you've had unprotected sex.

WT Sharpe · 11-03-2011, 08:17 AM

Also from Aaron Karo's Ruminations.com:

If you're wearing more makeup than clothing, you may need to re-evaluate your lifestyle.

badgoodDeb · 11-03-2011, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by silvan4now

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.

'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'

A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'

I originally heard this with the reply "Yeah, yeah..." which works even better, IMHO.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wannabee

Like them . . . slowly roasted with potatoes, I'd say.

Well, I *was* thinking of tacking that phrase on!

Fbone · 11-03-2011, 04:43 PM

I went to a bookstore and asked the salesperson where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

badgoodDeb · 11-03-2011, 05:53 PM

good one!

Fbone · 11-04-2011, 01:47 AM

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

dreams · 11-04-2011, 03:18 AM

I read some article which said that the symptoms of stress are impulse buying, eating too much and driving too fast.

Are they kidding? That's what I call a perfect day.

orlok · 11-04-2011, 05:31 AM

Life is like a delayed shipment of German sausages. The wurst is yet to come.

astra · 11-04-2011, 06:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

Life is like a delayed shipment of German sausages. The wurst is yet to come.

but

maianhvk · 11-04-2011, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

How long a month is depends on whether or not you've had unprotected sex.

pdurrant · 11-04-2011, 10:46 AM

I'm not obese. I'm just too short for my weight.

Fbone · 11-05-2011, 04:14 AM

I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.

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11-03-2011, 12:22 AM	#4021
dreams It's about the umbrella Posts: 25,110 Karma: 56250158 Join Date: Jan 2009 Device: Sony 505\| K Fire \| KK 3G+Wi-Fi \| iPhone 3Gs \|Vista 32-bit Hm Prem w/FF	The first rule of holes... If you are in one, stop digging.

11-03-2011, 08:15 AM	#4024
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	From Aaron Karo's Ruminations.com: How long a month is depends on whether or not you've had unprotected sex.

11-03-2011, 08:17 AM	#4025
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	Also from Aaron Karo's Ruminations.com: If you're wearing more makeup than clothing, you may need to re-evaluate your lifestyle.

11-03-2011, 04:43 PM	#4027
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I went to a bookstore and asked the salesperson where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

11-03-2011, 05:53 PM	#4028
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,551 Karma: 64462893 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	good one!

11-04-2011, 01:47 AM	#4029
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

11-04-2011, 03:18 AM	#4030
dreams It's about the umbrella Posts: 25,110 Karma: 56250158 Join Date: Jan 2009 Device: Sony 505\| K Fire \| KK 3G+Wi-Fi \| iPhone 3Gs \|Vista 32-bit Hm Prem w/FF	I read some article which said that the symptoms of stress are impulse buying, eating too much and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's what I call a perfect day.

11-04-2011, 05:31 AM	#4031
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Life is like a delayed shipment of German sausages. The wurst is yet to come.

11-04-2011, 10:46 AM	#4034
pdurrant The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠 Posts: 74,041 Karma: 315160596 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Norfolk, England Device: Kindle Oasis	I'm not obese. I'm just too short for my weight.

11-05-2011, 04:14 AM	#4035
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.