Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 265

marino.DV · 10-26-2011, 05:46 AM

Level One

It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at Level One you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool.".

Level Two

It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at Level Two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool.".

Level Three

One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!" At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get drinking fantasies. (like, "Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.") But at Level Three, that devil is a little bit bigger....and he's buying. And you're thinking "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours sleep...and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool.".

Level Four

Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending. For last call, you ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar. Just because you don't like his face! And now you're thinking, "Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an.... after hours bar. And here, at Level Four, you actually think to yourself, "Well....as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well....STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow ... cool.".

Level Five

Five in the morning. After unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named Ruby!!!"), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as...that morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell- at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!" One of your friends stands up and screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO FLORIDA!!!!!"- and passes out. You crawl outside for air , and then you hit the worst part of Level Five -- the sun.

You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging. And they look at you-and they know. And they say..."Who's Ruby?"

Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory like you've beat the night, but if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I live!" And some of us have that little addition, "and this time, I mean it!"

yvanleterrible · 10-26-2011, 06:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marino.DV

Level One

It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at Level One you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool.".

Level Two

It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at Level Two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool.".

Level Three

One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!" At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get drinking fantasies. (like, "Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.") But at Level Three, that devil is a little bit bigger....and he's buying. And you're thinking "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours sleep...and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool.".

Level Four

Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending. For last call, you ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar. Just because you don't like his face! And now you're thinking, "Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an.... after hours bar. And here, at Level Four, you actually think to yourself, "Well....as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well....STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow ... cool.".

Level Five

Five in the morning. After unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named Ruby!!!"), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as...that morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell- at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!" One of your friends stands up and screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO FLORIDA!!!!!"- and passes out. You crawl outside for air , and then you hit the worst part of Level Five -- the sun.

You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging. And they look at you-and they know. And they say..."Who's Ruby?"

Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory like you've beat the night, but if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I live!" And some of us have that little addition, "and this time, I mean it!"

Thank God if alcohol makes you sick before level two!

Stitchawl · 10-26-2011, 06:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dwanthny

Even here in North Carolina we have the Festival of Lights for one night in Early to mid December with the entire campus lit up.

I thought that was called Hanukkah !

Stitchawl

DoctorOhh · 10-26-2011, 06:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

I thought that was called Hanukkah !

It is very possible the Festival of Light here at the University roughly coincides with Hanukak but the two are not related. There are many forms of Festival of Light events around the world. Ours here is closer to this Holiday Trail of Lights celebration found in Louisiana or the tradition described for Christmas here.

It makes for an amazing display. Warms your heart.

Stitchawl · 10-26-2011, 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dwanthny

It is very possible the Festival of Light here at the University roughly coincides with Hanukak but the two are not related. There are many forms of celebration found in Louisiana or the tradition described for Christmas
It makes for an amazing display. Warms your heart.

Personally, I like the one we do in northern Thailand. Larger paper 'bags' and no sand. Usually thousands of them in the air all evening!

... and several fires around the countryside too as they come down.

Happy New Year!

Stitchawl

CyGuy · 10-26-2011, 09:54 AM

Finally the reference book all men have waited for:

Spoiler:

Falcao · 10-26-2011, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

I thought that was called Hanukkah !

Stitchawl

No, no hanukkah here. Paper farolitos (or luminarias) are a Xmas Catholic tradition from southwestern USA and northern Mexico. On central Mexico I have seen electrical farolitos made of metal and crystal (21th century farolitos I guess

).

You can read more about Hispanic Christmas decorations here.

On topic

badgoodDeb · 10-26-2011, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CyGuy

Finally the reference book all men have waited for:

Spoiler:

Oh! That's just book 1. It's a 12 volume compendium. So far.

CyGuy · 10-26-2011, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

[/SPOILER]

Oh! That's just book 1. It's a 12 volume compendium. So far.

Great, and this will likely be the worlds first multi-terabyte ebook!

CyGuy · 10-26-2011, 02:01 PM

Warning: Most of us have heard of the dangers of too much masturbation. Here is some graphic proof:

pilotbob · 10-26-2011, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CyGuy

Warning: Most of us have heard of the dangers of too much masturbation. Here is some graphic proof:

This is why you MUST switch hands every so often!

BOb

PeterT · 10-26-2011, 02:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

Oh! That's just book 1. It's a 12 volume compendium. So far.

I thought that was just the incomplete (and inaccurate) Index!

Lycoming · 10-26-2011, 02:35 PM

A Vermont story about a flatlander from New York City. He got sick of the big city grind and bought an old farm way back in a hollow, miles from a paved road. He drove down to get groceries every couple of weeks and had to pick up his mail from the local post office since they don’t deliver way out where he lives.
After six months of being totally alone, there is a knock on the door. He opened it to find a large bearded local standing outside.
"Name’s Floyd, your neighbor from the next hollow. Having a party Saturday; thought you’d like to come."
This sounded pretty good so the flatlander readily agrees to the invitation.
"Gotta warn you, though: There might be some drinkin."
The flatlander allows as that would be OK.
"More ’n likely that there’ll be some fighting, too."
Even that sounded tolerable after six months of living like a hermit.
"I’ve even seen some kissin’ at these parties."
That sounded just fine since the flatlander hadn’t spent more than a few minutes with a woman since he moved up to Vermont.
Just as Floyd was leaving, the flatlander looks up and asks, "Well, what should I wear to this party?"
Floyd turned back around and said, "Whatever you want . . . just going to be the two of us!"

CyGuy · 10-26-2011, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CyGuy

Finally the reference book all men have waited for:

Spoiler:

UPDATE: Now available in audio-book format! Dual-sided bluray discs though.

CyGuy · 10-26-2011, 03:13 PM

My very first attempt at authoring a book, and I am going to publish it right here on Mobile Read!

Understanding Men - A Woman’s Guide
by CyGuy

Men need sex, beer, and sports on TV. They need to remain under the illusion that they are in control. The end.

10-26-2011, 09:54 AM	#3966
CyGuy Avid Reader Posts: 769 Karma: 7777778 Join Date: Aug 2009 Device: PocketBook 902, Galaxy Tab 2 7.0, ASUS TF700, and Cybook Gen III	Finally the reference book all men have waited for: Spoiler: Attached Thumbnails Last edited by WT Sharpe; 10-26-2011 at 12:55 PM. Reason: Image too large: Placed under spoiler tag.

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10-26-2011, 05:46 AM	#3961
marino.DV Groupie Posts: 163 Karma: 651780 Join Date: Sep 2011 Device: none	Level One It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at Level One you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool.". Level Two It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at Level Two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool.". Level Three One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!" At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get drinking fantasies. (like, "Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.") But at Level Three, that devil is a little bit bigger....and he's buying. And you're thinking "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours sleep...and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool.". Level Four Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending. For last call, you ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar. Just because you don't like his face! And now you're thinking, "Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an.... after hours bar. And here, at Level Four, you actually think to yourself, "Well....as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well....STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow ... cool.". Level Five Five in the morning. After unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named Ruby!!!"), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as...that morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell- at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!" One of your friends stands up and screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO FLORIDA!!!!!"- and passes out. You crawl outside for air , and then you hit the worst part of Level Five -- the sun. You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging. And they look at you-and they know. And they say..."Who's Ruby?" Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory like you've beat the night, but if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I live!" And some of us have that little addition, "and this time, I mean it!"

10-26-2011, 02:01 PM	#3970
CyGuy Avid Reader Posts: 769 Karma: 7777778 Join Date: Aug 2009 Device: PocketBook 902, Galaxy Tab 2 7.0, ASUS TF700, and Cybook Gen III	Warning: Most of us have heard of the dangers of too much masturbation. Here is some graphic proof:

10-26-2011, 02:35 PM	#3973
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	A Vermont story about a flatlander from New York City. He got sick of the big city grind and bought an old farm way back in a hollow, miles from a paved road. He drove down to get groceries every couple of weeks and had to pick up his mail from the local post office since they don’t deliver way out where he lives. After six months of being totally alone, there is a knock on the door. He opened it to find a large bearded local standing outside. "Name’s Floyd, your neighbor from the next hollow. Having a party Saturday; thought you’d like to come." This sounded pretty good so the flatlander readily agrees to the invitation. "Gotta warn you, though: There might be some drinkin." The flatlander allows as that would be OK. "More ’n likely that there’ll be some fighting, too." Even that sounded tolerable after six months of living like a hermit. "I’ve even seen some kissin’ at these parties." That sounded just fine since the flatlander hadn’t spent more than a few minutes with a woman since he moved up to Vermont. Just as Floyd was leaving, the flatlander looks up and asks, "Well, what should I wear to this party?" Floyd turned back around and said, "Whatever you want . . . just going to be the two of us!"

10-26-2011, 03:13 PM	#3975
CyGuy Avid Reader Posts: 769 Karma: 7777778 Join Date: Aug 2009 Device: PocketBook 902, Galaxy Tab 2 7.0, ASUS TF700, and Cybook Gen III	My very first attempt at authoring a book, and I am going to publish it right here on Mobile Read! Understanding Men - A Woman’s Guide by CyGuy Men need sex, beer, and sports on TV. They need to remain under the illusion that they are in control. The end.