Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 262

Fbone · 10-22-2011, 01:58 AM

I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

dreams · 10-22-2011, 05:22 AM

Did you hear about the guy who called the police because he saw some people stealing things out of the shed in his back yard?

The police asked him if they were in his house and he said, "No." Then the police said that all units were busy and he should lock his doors. They would send someone as soon as they could.

The guy hung up, waited 30 seconds and called back. "I just called you about the people stealing things out of my shed. Well, don't worry about it, I shot them."

In less than five minutes, police cars screeched into his driveway, sirens blaring, and caught the thieves red-handed.

"I thought you said you shot them," said the officer.

"I thought you said no one was available," he replied.

****

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

maianhvk · 10-22-2011, 06:20 AM

I don't know if this is for real, but anyway...

A few days ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets President Barack Obama.

The instructor told Mori, "Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Obama, please say, "How are you?" Then Mr. Obama should say, "I am fine, and you?" Now, you should say, "Me too." Afterward we, the translators, will do the work for you."

It looks quite simple, but the truth is...

When Mori met Obama, he mistakenly said, "Who are you?" (Instead of "How are you?")

Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor, "Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha..."

Then Mori replied, "Me too, ha-ha..."

odiakkoh · 10-22-2011, 07:10 AM

I call bs but still funny.

wannabee · 10-22-2011, 07:16 AM

Give my regards to bugs bunny

The Terminator · 10-22-2011, 02:21 PM

I doubt that one

Fbone · 10-22-2011, 07:29 PM

I finally quit smoking by using the patch. I put six of them over my mouth.

Lycoming · 10-23-2011, 04:58 AM

I would like to share an experience with you. It concerns drinking and driving.
As you know some of us have had brushes with the authorities on our way home in recent months.

Well, I, for one, have done something about it. The other night I was out for a dinner and a few drinks with some friends.
After having far too much BEER, and knowing full well I was wasted, I did something I have never done before, I took a bus home.

*I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise in itself, as I have never driven a bus before.*

astra · 10-23-2011, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

*I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise in itself, as I have never driven a bus before.*

Bikeridr · 10-23-2011, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

I would like to share an experience with you. It concerns drinking and driving.
As you know some of us have had brushes with the authorities on our way home in recent months.

Well, I, for one, have done something about it. The other night I was out for a dinner and a few drinks with some friends.
After having far too much BEER, and knowing full well I was wasted, I did something I have never done before, I took a bus home.

*I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise in itself, as I have never driven a bus before.*

Quote:

Originally Posted by astra

Well, some of us might not find this funny.
Especially if one has lost close relatives due to jerkoff-drunk-drivers..

No karma on this one.

astra · 10-23-2011, 09:39 AM

I didn't look at it from that point of view.

Spoiler:

Lycoming · 10-23-2011, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bikeridr

Well, some of us might not find this funny.
Especially if one has lost close relatives due to jerkoff-drunk-drivers..

No karma on this one.

If this has upset you then I can only apologise; however it's a classic case of mild black humour, which has ensured I remain relatively sane despite the occasional mishap in my life.

Bikeridr · 10-23-2011, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by astra

I didn't look at it from that point of view.

Spoiler:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

If this has upset you then I can only apologise; however it's a classic case of mild black humour, which has ensured I remain relatively sane despite the occasional mishap in my life.

Well, maybe I overreacted. I still don't find drunk-driving jokes funny since drunk/drug-driving is a major problem.

Anyway, from my point of view, the joke would have been funny still without that last paragraph.

Fbone · 10-23-2011, 08:30 PM

I fish, therefore I lie.

Fbone · 10-23-2011, 09:15 PM

I fought the lawn and the lawn won.

10-23-2011, 09:39 AM	#3926
astra The Introvert Posts: 8,307 Karma: 1000077497 Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: United Kingdom Device: Sony Reader PRS-650 & 505 & 500	I didn't look at it from that point of view. Spoiler: Although, a drunk driver has ruined my parents' life when they were relatively young 52/50. On 7th November this year it will be 21 years since that day Last edited by astra; 10-23-2011 at 09:42 AM.

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10-22-2011, 01:58 AM	#3916
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,313 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

10-22-2011, 05:22 AM	#3917
dreams It's about the umbrella Posts: 25,110 Karma: 56250158 Join Date: Jan 2009 Device: Sony 505\| K Fire \| KK 3G+Wi-Fi \| iPhone 3Gs \|Vista 32-bit Hm Prem w/FF	Did you hear about the guy who called the police because he saw some people stealing things out of the shed in his back yard? The police asked him if they were in his house and he said, "No." Then the police said that all units were busy and he should lock his doors. They would send someone as soon as they could. The guy hung up, waited 30 seconds and called back. "I just called you about the people stealing things out of my shed. Well, don't worry about it, I shot them." In less than five minutes, police cars screeched into his driveway, sirens blaring, and caught the thieves red-handed. "I thought you said you shot them," said the officer. "I thought you said no one was available," he replied. **** Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

10-22-2011, 06:20 AM	#3918
maianhvk whimsical Posts: 2,779 Karma: 88193939 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: in darkness Device: current: PPW 4. brick: K3 & Voyage.	I don't know if this is for real, but anyway... A few days ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets President Barack Obama. The instructor told Mori, "Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Obama, please say, "How are you?" Then Mr. Obama should say, "I am fine, and you?" Now, you should say, "Me too." Afterward we, the translators, will do the work for you." It looks quite simple, but the truth is... When Mori met Obama, he mistakenly said, "Who are you?" (Instead of "How are you?") Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor, "Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha..." Then Mori replied, "Me too, ha-ha..."

10-22-2011, 07:10 AM	#3919
odiakkoh Guru Posts: 823 Karma: 1818344 Join Date: Apr 2011 Device: iPhone 5s	I call bs but still funny.

10-22-2011, 07:16 AM	#3920
wannabee Media Bloke Posts: 2,382 Karma: 113956855 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: NSW - Australia Device: iOS	Give my regards to bugs bunny

10-22-2011, 02:21 PM	#3921
The Terminator Retired Posts: 2,552 Karma: 37638420 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Vancouver Island Canada Device: Kobo Touch, Optimus One (2.3), Nexus 7 (4.2)	I doubt that one

10-22-2011, 07:29 PM	#3922
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,313 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I finally quit smoking by using the patch. I put six of them over my mouth.

10-23-2011, 04:58 AM	#3923
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	I would like to share an experience with you. It concerns drinking and driving. As you know some of us have had brushes with the authorities on our way home in recent months. Well, I, for one, have done something about it. The other night I was out for a dinner and a few drinks with some friends. After having far too much BEER, and knowing full well I was wasted, I did something I have never done before, I took a bus home. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise in itself, as I have never driven a bus before.

10-23-2011, 08:30 PM	#3929
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,313 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I fish, therefore I lie.

10-23-2011, 09:15 PM	#3930
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,313 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I fought the lawn and the lawn won.