Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[wodin]

Harumph!! I clearly didn't run fast enough or duck low enough!

[Joybells]

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

Discern a difference? I can't understand either of them equally!
But anyway, isn't New Zealand just a suburb of Australia?

Spoiler:

If you're going to duck and run, it's better to have a really GOOD reason..

Stitchawl

Some people have been reported as thinking that Auckland harbour bridge and Sydney harbour bridge are two ends of the same bridge, and that you can commute to work! Aren't tourists wonderful?

Oh, I wish Australia really did encompass NZ. There are so many Kiwis on the Gold Coast already(me included). Actually, at one time very early in the history of the antipodes, NZ was part of the Australian state of New South Wales (capital Sydney)!

But seriously, NZ is a small country with just over 4 million people, and small countries find it difficult to run all the services it has to provide on such a small taxable population. Consider it - only about 1 million (probably) are working! A few years ago NZ had to get rid of its Air Force (perhaps because of an outbreak of earache?), because it couldn't run an Army, Navy and Airforce at once. The Navy was once just two ships!

But NZ is a spunky little country, with achievements far outweighing its size. So why did I leave after 45 years? To be with my grandchildren on the Gold Coast, and to avoid dying of asthma in Wellington, where the lovely clear air carries a pollen that was killing me. God bless the radiata pine.

[Joybells]

Originally Posted by wodin

Harumph!! I clearly didn't run fast enough or duck low enough!

Oops! Sorry Wodin! didn't mean to lecture - back to the topic!




Two Irishmen are walking along a country road in NZ, past a lovely radiata pine forest, when they see a sign which says

"TREE FELLERS WANTED"

"What a pity we don't have Seamus wid' us" says Patrick to Sean. "We could have applied for dat job."

[Shayne Parkinson]

I hope there aren't any New Zealanders reading this!

You think?

Kiwis also have lost the ability to distinguish between the 'eer' and 'air' sounds.

You can make a fair estimate as to a Kiwi's age with that one. Anyone who can still distinguish the sounds is almost certainly over 35. Me included.

I still remember the first time I heard the sounds confused. A young techie guy at a place where I was consulting seemed to be telling me that a disc was "shearing". This is a nasty business, with the top layer being scraped off. I realised he meant "sharing", which is quite a different matter.

I heard a linguist on the radio a little while ago commenting that the sounds in "sea" and "see" used to be distinguishable by English speakers. Vowel sounds have a way of being combined.

We do still have a Air Force, btw. No fighter planes, though.

[Joybells]

Kia Ora Shayne! Is it a pacifist airforce?

[Fbone]

You're not completely worthless...I can at least use you as a bad example.

[Bookpossum]

I have just remembered a funny true story from many years ago concerning Australia and New Zealand.

A lot of Kiwis were moving to live in Australia, and the Prime Minister of NZ at the time was asked in an interview whether or not he was concerned about this. (He was renowned for not being very fond of Australia.)

"Oh no," he replied, "it raises the IQ of both countries."
-----------

PS Not true of you I'm sure, Joybells!
PPS And by the way, I love your frog.

[wannabee]

A bloke walked into the store and asked for some fush and chups. The fellow behind the counter laughed and said you must be a kiwi. hahahahah.
The bloke was insulted and stormed off and decided to see a language tutor. After a few lessons he walks back to the shop and says "May I have some fish and chips please?"
The fellow behind the counter bursts out laughing again. Insulted by his laughter in his new correctly enunciated accent asks him "Whats so funny?"
The guy says "This is a furniture store mate"!

[PeterT]

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

[PeterT]

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.

"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"

"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.

"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."

"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

[PeterT]

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her.

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked "What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said the blonde.

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."

[wannabee]

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

Scroll Down. --->























<----- Scroll Up.

[wannabee]

A wife and her blonde husband were trying to sleep, but the next door neighbor's dog was barking. This had been going on for months. Every night, the dog barked for hours, robbing them of sleep.

Finally, the blonde says, "I've had enough. I'm going to do something about this." So he gets up, puts on his robe and goes down stairs and out the back door. A little while later, he comes back.

"What did you do? The dog's still barking," asks the wife.

"I put the dog in our back yard. Let's see how they like it."

[amward]

Originally Posted by Bookpossum

I have just remembered a funny true story from many years ago concerning Australia and New Zealand.

A lot of Kiwis were moving to live in Australia, and the Prime Minister of NZ at the time was asked in an interview whether or not he was concerned about this. (He was renowned for not being very fond of Australia.)

"Oh no," he replied, "it raises the IQ of both countries."
-----------

PS Not true of you I'm sure, Joybells!
PPS And by the way, I love your frog.

Was this David Longe?

[Shayne Parkinson]

No, that's a Muldoonism.