Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 230

pdurrant · 08-10-2011, 11:05 AM

Australian foreplay: "You awake, Sheila?"

MJK2111 · 08-10-2011, 02:38 PM

Married guy's foreplay: Honey, it's October!

pdurrant · 08-10-2011, 03:06 PM

Possibly slightly unsuitable so

Spoiler:

Ajax · 08-10-2011, 07:32 PM

The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.

He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him.

So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

Fbone · 08-10-2011, 07:43 PM

Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

amward · 08-10-2011, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

Thought that was just husbands

Ajax · 08-10-2011, 08:30 PM

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV..

The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump.."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money.

James_Wilde · 08-11-2011, 03:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ajax

The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money.

Brilliant! One of the best blonde jokes I've seen.

CyGuy · 08-11-2011, 12:15 PM

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.

As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wipe your nose and then shudder violently. Are you OK?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. " I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"

The woman nodded, "Pepper."

PeterT · 08-11-2011, 06:29 PM

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I
really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you
today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me
sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I
feel great. I be at work soon......... You got nice house.

Ajax · 08-11-2011, 06:52 PM

A lady went to see a tarot reader woman who'll predict her future..!
Lady, I'm sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future.

Don't tell me things that I already know, Tell me if there would be an investigation.

WT Sharpe · 08-11-2011, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PeterT

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I
really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work."

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you
today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me
sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I
feel great. I be at work soon......... You got nice house.

TRUE STORY: A friend where I work was distressing our very prudish boss with tales of his sex life. Our boss didn't really want to hear it. "One thing I can say about my wife," he told him, "She is good in bed!"

Our very uptight boss man just shook his head; but when I added "I'll second that!" to his story, I thought the bosses' jaw would hit the floor. My friend just laughed.

Fbone · 08-11-2011, 10:25 PM

Men are like bike helmets, they're good in emergencies but usually just look silly.

issybird · 08-11-2011, 11:20 PM

What's wrinkled and hangs out your underwear?

Spoiler:

travger · 08-12-2011, 12:02 AM

TRUE STORY, happened ca 30 years ago:
Friend of mine took his 2-3 year old daughter to sauna.
She was surprised: "Daddy has a tail! Daddy, why do you have a tail?"
He was still searching for words when the girl already found an answer:
"Must be for beauty's sake."
Puzzle solved.

08-10-2011, 03:06 PM	#3438
pdurrant The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠 Posts: 74,036 Karma: 315160596 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Norfolk, England Device: Kindle Oasis	Possibly slightly unsuitable so Spoiler: A TV chat show is interviewing a sex therapist, and to show that variation in frequency of sexual activity is normal, the sex therapist asks the entire audience to stand up. Then anyone who doesn't currently have a regular sex partner is asked to sit down. 20% of the audience sit. Then anyone who has sex once a day, or more frequently. 10% sit. Then anyone who has sex once a week or more. 30% sit. Then anyone who has sex once a month or more. 30% sit. Then anyone who has sex once every three months or more. The last 10% sit.... ...except for one man. Therapist: "Sir, you do have a regular partner?" Man: "Yes." (smiling) Therapist: "Do you have sex once every three months, or more frequently?" Man: "No." (grinning) Therapist: "Would you be willing to tell us how often you do have sex with your partner?" Man: "Of course. Once a year." (still grinning) Therapist: "You seem to be happy with this situation. Can you tell us why?" Man: "Tonight's the night!"

08-11-2011, 11:20 PM	#3449
issybird o saeclum infacetum Posts: 21,329 Karma: 234636059 Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: New England Device: Mini, H2O, Glo HD, Aura One, PW4, PW5	What's wrinkled and hangs out your underwear? Spoiler: Your mother.

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08-10-2011, 11:05 AM	#3436
pdurrant The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠 Posts: 74,036 Karma: 315160596 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Norfolk, England Device: Kindle Oasis	Australian foreplay: "You awake, Sheila?"

08-10-2011, 02:38 PM	#3437
MJK2111 FUBAR! Posts: 1,946 Karma: 15018767 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Woodstock, IL Device: Kindle 3, Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 S	Married guy's foreplay: Honey, it's October!

08-10-2011, 07:32 PM	#3439
Ajax Addict Posts: 386 Karma: 17083352 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Texas Device: K4 Touch, Kindle Fire, HP Touchpad	The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

08-10-2011, 07:43 PM	#3440
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

08-10-2011, 08:30 PM	#3442
Ajax Addict Posts: 386 Karma: 17083352 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Texas Device: K4 Touch, Kindle Fire, HP Touchpad	Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.. The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump.." The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again." Bob took the money.

08-11-2011, 12:15 PM	#3444
CyGuy Avid Reader Posts: 769 Karma: 7777778 Join Date: Aug 2009 Device: PocketBook 902, Galaxy Tab 2 7.0, ASUS TF700, and Cybook Gen III	A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than before. Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wipe your nose and then shudder violently. Are you OK?" "I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm." The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. " I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?" The woman nodded, "Pepper."

08-11-2011, 06:29 PM	#3445
PeterT Grand Sorcerer Posts: 13,545 Karma: 79436716 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Toronto Device: Libra H2O, Libra Colour	Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work." The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon......... You got nice house.

08-11-2011, 06:52 PM	#3446
Ajax Addict Posts: 386 Karma: 17083352 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Texas Device: K4 Touch, Kindle Fire, HP Touchpad	A lady went to see a tarot reader woman who'll predict her future..! Lady, I'm sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future. Don't tell me things that I already know, Tell me if there would be an investigation.

08-11-2011, 10:25 PM	#3448
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Men are like bike helmets, they're good in emergencies but usually just look silly.

08-12-2011, 12:02 AM	#3450
travger Evangelist Posts: 485 Karma: 270594 Join Date: Aug 2010 Device: palm tx, Windows7, Galaxy A5	TRUE STORY, happened ca 30 years ago: Friend of mine took his 2-3 year old daughter to sauna. She was surprised: "Daddy has a tail! Daddy, why do you have a tail?" He was still searching for words when the girl already found an answer: "Must be for beauty's sake." Puzzle solved.