Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 220

orlok · 07-11-2011, 05:59 PM

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, John"

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

DrDln · 07-11-2011, 07:26 PM

Take it lightly and enjoy!

President of a nation [Imgaine the one with most suicide bombers] teaching his children the spelling of Assassination*

* One ass behind another ass, behind that I, and behind me the whole nation.*

Fbone · 07-11-2011, 09:42 PM

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

yvanleterrible · 07-12-2011, 05:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

Add to that, coworkers.

travger · 07-12-2011, 05:52 AM

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

orlok · 07-12-2011, 12:14 PM

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, each of the three lawyers buys a ticket while the three engineers buy only one ticket.

"How can the three of you travel on one ticket?" asks a lawyer.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

Aboard the train the lawyers take their respective seats while all three engineers cram into the restroom and squeeze the door closed behind them. When the conductor comes around collecting tickets, he knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The lawyers are impressed with this clever idea. On the way home from the conference, they decide to copy the engineers' technique. At the station, they buy a single ticket for their return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all!

"How on earth are you going to pull this off?" asks a lawyer.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They board the train. The three lawyers cram into one restroom and the three engineers cram into the other restroom. Shortly after the train departs, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and knocks on the other restroom door. "Ticket, please!”

Fbone · 07-12-2011, 05:59 PM

Last night a hole was blown in the wall of Police Headquarters. Police are looking into it.

Bilbo1967 · 07-12-2011, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

Last night a hole was blown in the wall of Police Headquarters. Police are looking into it.

Similarly, all the toilets were stolen from Police Headquarters last night. Police say they have nothing to go on.

Fbone · 07-13-2011, 03:26 AM

Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

yvanleterrible · 07-13-2011, 04:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by travger

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater....................

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

She was given a small butt if I recall...

travger · 07-13-2011, 07:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

She was given a small butt if I recall...

Whatever you give a woman...

If you bought her implants, you have no cause to complain. Otherwise it's not men's business.

Parents/Creator, whoever gave the small butt is certainly not interested in getting anything in exchange.

And, if women wear it, then it's called buuty.

Lycoming · 07-13-2011, 10:12 AM

Ed and Ted went to the fair. They came across a small crowd gathered around a stall and went over to take a look. "What's going on?" Ed asked one of the crowd.

"We're watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine," he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. "Nobody has managed to stay on for the full three minutes yet. And there's a prize of $1000 for anybody who can.

"I can do that!" Ed said confidently.
"No you can't," said Ted.
"I sure as hell can!" said Ed.

"You'll get yourself killed if you try and ride that monster," said Ted.
"Watch this," said Ed and climbed aboard the bronco machine.

The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles but still a grim-faced Ed clung to its back. After two minutes the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until Ed was a blur. But when the three minutes were up Ed was still on the machine's back acknowledging the cheers and cries from the small crowd.

He dismounted, collected his winnings and rejoined Ted. "Where in hell did you learn to ride a bucking bronco like that!?" Ted asked.

"Remember three months ago," Ed said...
"When my wife had whooping cough...?"

orlok · 07-13-2011, 12:07 PM

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Stitchawl · 07-13-2011, 07:14 PM

Apple does it again!!
Apple announced today that it has
developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iBoob will cost
from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size.

This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Stitchawl

Fbone · 07-14-2011, 12:43 AM

Life is an endless struggle, full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.

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07-11-2011, 05:59 PM	#3286
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates." About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, John" Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

07-11-2011, 07:26 PM	#3287
DrDln Banned Posts: 1,527 Karma: 2349214 Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Mountain House, CA Device: kindle	Take it lightly and enjoy! President of a nation [Imgaine the one with most suicide bombers] teaching his children the spelling of Assassination* * One ass behind another ass, behind that I, and behind me the whole nation.*

07-11-2011, 09:42 PM	#3288
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

07-12-2011, 05:52 AM	#3290
travger Evangelist Posts: 485 Karma: 270594 Join Date: Aug 2010 Device: palm tx, Windows7, Galaxy A5	Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

07-12-2011, 12:14 PM	#3291
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, each of the three lawyers buys a ticket while the three engineers buy only one ticket. "How can the three of you travel on one ticket?" asks a lawyer. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. Aboard the train the lawyers take their respective seats while all three engineers cram into the restroom and squeeze the door closed behind them. When the conductor comes around collecting tickets, he knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The lawyers are impressed with this clever idea. On the way home from the conference, they decide to copy the engineers' technique. At the station, they buy a single ticket for their return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all! "How on earth are you going to pull this off?" asks a lawyer. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They board the train. The three lawyers cram into one restroom and the three engineers cram into the other restroom. Shortly after the train departs, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and knocks on the other restroom door. "Ticket, please!”

07-12-2011, 05:59 PM	#3292
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Last night a hole was blown in the wall of Police Headquarters. Police are looking into it.

07-13-2011, 03:26 AM	#3294
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

07-13-2011, 10:12 AM	#3297
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Ed and Ted went to the fair. They came across a small crowd gathered around a stall and went over to take a look. "What's going on?" Ed asked one of the crowd. "We're watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine," he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. "Nobody has managed to stay on for the full three minutes yet. And there's a prize of $1000 for anybody who can. "I can do that!" Ed said confidently. "No you can't," said Ted. "I sure as hell can!" said Ed. "You'll get yourself killed if you try and ride that monster," said Ted. "Watch this," said Ed and climbed aboard the bronco machine. The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles but still a grim-faced Ed clung to its back. After two minutes the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until Ed was a blur. But when the three minutes were up Ed was still on the machine's back acknowledging the cheers and cries from the small crowd. He dismounted, collected his winnings and rejoined Ted. "Where in hell did you learn to ride a bucking bronco like that!?" Ted asked. "Remember three months ago," Ed said... "When my wife had whooping cough...?"

07-13-2011, 12:07 PM	#3298
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"

07-13-2011, 07:14 PM	#3299
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	Apple does it again!! Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iBoob will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them. Stitchawl

07-14-2011, 12:43 AM	#3300
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Life is an endless struggle, full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.