Silliness Terrible Jokes - Page 22

neil_swann80 · 03-08-2024, 11:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DNSB

My coffee looked at me this morning and said "Sorry, I don't do miracles."

Funny and accurate for myself also.

My father has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart.

DNSB · 03-13-2024, 10:33 PM

Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son.
He said: "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"

ownedbycats · 03-17-2024, 12:55 AM

I always knock on the fridge door before opening it. You never know when there's a salad dressing.

DNSB · 03-17-2024, 09:28 PM

I visited a cafe one day with my friends. The waiter recommended that we try their special coffee. We agreed and soon the coffee arrived. As we drink the coffee, we realized that it tastes like dirt and mud. Disgusted by the fact, all of us complained immediately. The alarmed waiter rushes over and says, "Well Sir, it was freshly ground coffee!"

ownedbycats · 03-17-2024, 09:33 PM

Free of charge: Dead batteries!

DNSB · 03-17-2024, 11:53 PM

An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables, and asks, “Can I join you?”

ownedbycats · 03-19-2024, 03:39 PM

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neil_swann80 · 03-19-2024, 03:53 PM

What did the boolean say to the integer? “You can’t handle the truth.”

DNSB · 03-19-2024, 08:00 PM

Writing a horror screenplay.

It starts off with a ringing phone. The person answers, and it's their mum saying "I have a computer question."

ownedbycats · 03-19-2024, 08:05 PM

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Her daughter is named Help I'm trapped in a driver's license factory.

DNSB · 03-20-2024, 12:21 AM

I’ve got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He’s going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.
Edit: Apparently he’s stuck in traffic and he’s going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes.
Edit2: He’s making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes.
Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days.

ownedbycats · 03-20-2024, 12:25 AM

I've been using Vim for years... I can't figure out how to exit.

neil_swann80 · 03-20-2024, 12:28 AM

I’m not interrupting you, I’m putting our conversation in full-duplex mode.

ownedbycats · 03-20-2024, 01:08 AM

How to write regular expressions:

1. Open a text editor.
2. Let your cat play on the keyboard.

Sirtel · 03-20-2024, 01:57 AM

"Help! My cat walked over the keyboard and now everything on my computer is a mess!"
"Let your cat walk over the keyboard backwards, to restore the original state."

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03-13-2024, 10:33 PM	#317
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,355 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said: "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"

03-17-2024, 12:55 AM	#318
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,000 Karma: 75337983 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I always knock on the fridge door before opening it. You never know when there's a salad dressing.

03-17-2024, 09:28 PM	#319
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,355 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I visited a cafe one day with my friends. The waiter recommended that we try their special coffee. We agreed and soon the coffee arrived. As we drink the coffee, we realized that it tastes like dirt and mud. Disgusted by the fact, all of us complained immediately. The alarmed waiter rushes over and says, "Well Sir, it was freshly ground coffee!"

03-17-2024, 09:33 PM	#320
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,000 Karma: 75337983 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Free of charge: Dead batteries!

03-17-2024, 11:53 PM	#321
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,355 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables, and asks, “Can I join you?”

03-19-2024, 03:39 PM	#322
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,000 Karma: 75337983 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD

03-19-2024, 03:53 PM	#323
neil_swann80 0000000000101010 Posts: 5,891 Karma: 12981955 Join Date: Mar 2023 Location: An island off the coast of Ireland Device: PB632 [HD3]	What did the boolean say to the integer? “You can’t handle the truth.”

03-19-2024, 08:00 PM	#324
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,355 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Writing a horror screenplay. It starts off with a ringing phone. The person answers, and it's their mum saying "I have a computer question."

03-19-2024, 08:05 PM	#325
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,000 Karma: 75337983 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Her daughter is named Help I'm trapped in a driver's license factory.

03-20-2024, 12:21 AM	#326
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,355 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I’ve got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He’s going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes. Edit: Apparently he’s stuck in traffic and he’s going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes. Edit2: He’s making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes. Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days.

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03-20-2024, 12:25 AM	#327
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,000 Karma: 75337983 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	I've been using Vim for years... I can't figure out how to exit.

03-20-2024, 12:28 AM	#328
neil_swann80 0000000000101010 Posts: 5,891 Karma: 12981955 Join Date: Mar 2023 Location: An island off the coast of Ireland Device: PB632 [HD3]	I’m not interrupting you, I’m putting our conversation in full-duplex mode.

03-20-2024, 01:08 AM	#329
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,000 Karma: 75337983 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	How to write regular expressions: 1. Open a text editor. 2. Let your cat play on the keyboard.

03-20-2024, 01:57 AM	#330
Sirtel Grand Sorcerer Posts: 13,509 Karma: 240526511 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Estonia Device: Kobo Sage & Libra 2	"Help! My cat walked over the keyboard and now everything on my computer is a mess!" "Let your cat walk over the keyboard backwards, to restore the original state."