The Vent and Rant Thread

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by FizzyWater

Maybe not, but I bet she has a hard time finding a pair of pants that she wouldn't have to hem up!

Originally Posted by Hemmi

Yeah, at 5'2" it's hard to find pants you don't have to hem or jeans you don't have to roll up. Even when you buy petite sizes.

Grass is always greener, right? 'Tis ever thus.

Hitch

[badgoodDeb]

Originally Posted by Hitch

OMG, gurl, I'll bet YOU never have to give up on 9 pairs of pants out of 10 because they're flapping up around the swell of your calf! LOL...

Hitch

Originally Posted by FizzyWater

Maybe not, but I bet she has a hard time finding a pair of pants that she wouldn't have to hem up!

Originally Posted by Hemmi

Yeah, at 5'2" it's hard to find pants you don't have to hem or jeans you don't have to roll up. Even when you buy petite sizes.

Yup - I was going to say the above, but you all saved me the effort.

[Hemmi]

So I'm the horrible person because I answered the question that you asked me? I'm the bad guy because that wasn't what you meant? How am I supposed to know what you want to know when that's not what you asked?

And grow a thicker skin, don't go crying in the corner how I was mean to you, just because I answered the question you asked.

[Hitch]

HOW is it, I wonder, that people can complete an ENTIRE book and not follow simple instructions? I know, I know, I'm constantly back here with the same damn question, but REALLY?

Some time back, I created two Uploading Guides. One for eBooks at KDP, one for Paperbacks. Super-detailed, screenshots of EVERY click, every step. So that the most timid publisher could feel guided, right?

So, I give an interior PDF and a cover PDF to a client and send him off with the Guide. I tell him that about the time he gets his proof copy back, his eBooks will be done and THEN he can upload those.

What happens?

This total BUFFOON uploads the PDF AS THE EBOOK. Worse, he upload the (*&^%$#@ wraparound cover, for the paperback, AS THE EBOOK COVER.

So now, this disastrous-looking eBook is for SALE, after I sent him repeated emails telling him STOP! Finally, I ask him for his login info, because I can't stand it and I find out that he's started TWO entries, TWO paperbacks, never got past the first page for each and oh, yeah, somehow, his Bowker-issued ISBN won't go through, because it's assigned to some OTHER FREAKING BOOK. So, I can't even upload the files.

Then he gives me some excuse about "back meta files" (only GOD knows what the hell he's talking about) and how he "tried to download them six times." What the...??? Then he said "Oh, but KDP said it would be EASY, so I tried."

So, I ask him, "So and so, since I spent 8 hours making that Uploading Guide, tell me--did you open it? Did you even DOWNLOAD IT?"

I'm just...I don't get it. I really don't. Right, I made that guide to what, entertain MYSELF?

RUGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH!!!! I am so (*&^%$#@ angry about it. Now, with the "used" ISBN, however the hell that happens, we have to reissue the interior, fix the cover....for NO DAMN REASON.

Hitch

[DMcCunney]

Originally Posted by Hitch

HOW is it, I wonder, that people can complete an ENTIRE book and not follow simple instructions? I know, I know, I'm constantly back here with the same damn question, but REALLY?

Simple enough - in computer terms, they are "write only". They don't read.

Another applicable computer term is "half duplex". Communication is one way at a time, and it their case, the one way is outgoing. That it will fail because there is no functioning feedback loop is not something they will comprehend.

(And of course when their efforts fail with a resounding thud, they can blame things on you rather than their own incompetence.)
______
Dennis

[BetterRed]

@Hitch - but how many folks to whom you gave the Guides didn't make a hash of it.

Some of us hate filling in forms at the best of times. In particular I have a mental block, verging on breakdown, when it comes to dealing with computer form based systems that need a completely separate set of instructions.

Typically we dodge the bullet, e.g. go o'seas when there's a census, or don't bother with an insurance claim, or we outsource it, to a tax accountant, building surveyor, lawyer etc.

BR

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by DMcCunney

Simple enough - in computer terms, they are "write only". They don't read.

Another applicable computer term is "half duplex". Communication is one way at a time, and it their case, the one way is outgoing. That it will fail because there is no functioning feedback loop is not something they will comprehend.

(And of course when their efforts fail with a resounding thud, they can blame things on you rather than their own incompetence.)
______
Dennis

I just will NEVER understand it. I have an entire wall--not one bookcase, a bloody WALL--of my office, about 12' long, and the bookcase is 7+' high, crammed with manuals, how-to books, specialty books on things like (for example) old Adobe Pagemaker, InDesign, C++ programming, and all the things you guys would expect, and stuff you wouldn't, all designed to LEARN ME STUFF. This sudden allergy of people to RTFI'ing...man. It's just so frustrating.

Originally Posted by BetterRed

@Hitch - but how many folks to whom you gave the Guides didn't make a hash of it.

You are right there, of course, Red.

Some of us hate filling in forms at the best of times. In particular I have a mental block, verging on breakdown, when it comes to dealing with computer form based systems that need a completely separate set of instructions.

Red, I get that, but c'mon, man, you ever looked at that site? The KDP publishing site? I'm not being condescending when I say it's designed for not-brilliant users. It's like Name, address, book title, book description. Book category. Upload book file, upload book cover, set price, click publish. Brother, I get that some people are allergic to forms, but here's my question--if you KNOW that's how you are, why in the name of all that's holy would you undertake it in the first bloody place?

Typically we dodge the bullet, e.g. go o'seas when there's a census, or don't bother with an insurance claim, or we outsource it, to a tax accountant, building surveyor, lawyer etc.

BR

Well...at least you get it done for you, if you can't handle it. Although I refuse to believe that you couldn't manage the KDP, Red. I've been reading your posts, seen you discussing the inner workings of Windows, etc. for years here. Given that the KDP requires very little effort, in terms of uploading the book, and it's hardly some cryptic, needs-Indiana-Jones-to-decipher-it undertaking, I'm reasonably sure that even if you're online-forms-allergic, you could manage it without utterly hashing it.

I have another rant, one that is now daily making me insane, also related to my field of endeavor, but different than this--but I feel as though I should let other folks rant for a while first. (sigh).


Hitch

[Hitch]

Okay, yes, I'm sorry, I suck. I ranted yesterday, and I'm back already with a new whine. But if you guys would rant more, I wouldn't look like a rant-hog, dammit.

So: I am absolutely fed up with incompetent cover designers. How the HELL do you call yourself a cover designer, if you can't even create a cover without a "template" that you download from some third party, to tell you how big the cover is supposed to be?

Lemme tell you, figuring out the correct size for a cover is NOT, truly, rocket science. You don't even need advanced math. Multiplication, and addition--that's all you need. Take the trim size of the book (like, 6" x 9", let's say). You already know, sans any real math, that the height will ALWAYS be the height plus 0.125, top and bottom. Thus, the height is 9.25. WOW, amazing, right?

Then, the width. Quite simply--the page count, multiplied by a multiplier for the type of paper you choose (white versus cream) equals the spine width, plus the width of the two covers (6 inches, tricky, I know) plus bleed, left and right. So, if our 6" example happened to have a half-inch-wide spine, as calculated by the page count x the paper type multiplier, it would be what? It would be 12.75" (0.125" bleed, plus 6" back cover, plus 0.5" spine, plus 6" front cover, plus 0.125" bleed. That's it!).

Right? You guys all got that? NOT hard, set out in the Kindle Publishing Guidelines; you can download templates for these things at a VARIETY of web locations, PLUS from Amazon. The specs have been the SAME since the Createspace days, so, what, 10 years now?

Now to zee rant:

I must see AT LEAST one cover a day that somehow, I'm expected to fix, guide, explain, etc. Why the hell is that my responsibility? This just happened--a client, for whom we did not make the cover, obviously, sends me an email, asking if his "cover designer" can CALL ME, to get "my" specs, as if they're mine. Now, bear in mind--we never really need to even SEE the wraparound cover; that goes to the printers. Not us.

I'm annoyed by the request, but I send him the layout specs--I do the MATH for him and type it out in an email, (just the numbers, not the whole bloody explanation I just gave you), for BOTH white and cream as I don't know which he'll choose, and send it to him. I tell him to send it to her, as that's probably all she's looking for, right?

Since, apparently, she doesn't know how to do it HERSELF????

Then, yesterday, she CALLS me and asks me a bunch of questions, and then asks me if I have a VISUAL GUIDE that I can send her. WT*? She tells me how experienced she is as a graphic designer, etc. and how she can do this in photoshop or illustrator--if you're so experienced, why would you even SAY THAT?

After ten minutes of this, I tell her to go to Bookow.com, where she can download a template she can use.

THEN, last night, I get this email from the client:

Thank you for speaking with the artist of my book cover. She will send the cover to my Booknook account. Please let me know if it arrives as per your specifications.

WHAT? I nearly lost it. I wrote back and asked him why he was expecting me to review or fix her work. I mean, the gall of it, right? Why am I supposed to check her work? It's not my damn job, man, and I'm not being paid for it. I told him that it's HER job to check her own work, to know what she's supposed to do. I'm not her boss, and I'm not being compensated for it.

Can you imagine what a customer would say, if, upon giving them our PDF or eBooks, I turned to them and said, "oh, wait, gosh, I better go check with the Joe Blow Formatting Company, to see if we DID THIS RIGHT?"

Why wouldn't someone have a cow if I said that? Why don't they have a cow, when a "cover designer" says it?

I'm just so tired of all the incompetence. It's every-bloody-where in self-publishing, it truly is. It's incredibly exhausting to deal with. Before this life, in my last life, building 5-star hotels, etc., I had NO idea that there were so many incompetent people in the world, I TRULY didn't. Sure, I knew that there were dumb people and smart people...but I had no idea how much the former overwhelmed the latter.

Sorry for rant-hogging. /rant

Hitch

[Greg Anos]

The two most common element in the universe are Hydrogen and Stupidity.

- Frank Zappa

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by Ralph Sir Edward

The two most common element in the universe are Hydrogen and Stupidity.

- Frank Zappa

And hydrogen is over-estimated. Stupidity is under-estimated (in quantity, I mean).

What irks me? A lot of it isn't stupidity--it's laziness or a refusal to read instructions, take ownership of their OWN S**T, etc. That's different than someone being too dim to understand something. I actually have sympathy for those born a bit slower than the rest. Lazy? Not so much.

Hitch

[wodin]

Originally Posted by Hitch

...
But if you guys would rant more, I wouldn't look like a rant-hog, dammit.

Ranting about the ranters? Novel.

Originally Posted by Hitch

...
I'm just so tired of all the incompetence. It's every-bloody-where in self-publishing, it truly is.
...
Sorry for rant-hogging. /rant

Hitch

D'ja get paid?

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by wodin

Ranting about the ranters? Novel.


D'ja get paid?

YES, of course. But I didn't get paid for that which caused the rantyness. I need to find a way to make clients pay for AGGRO, dang it!

Hitch

[4691mls]

Do you normally charge a flat fee for your services? Maybe you could state up front that anybody who doesn't follow instructions will be charged an hourly rate (in addition to your standard fee) for you to fix their mess!

[DMcCunney]

Originally Posted by Hitch

YES, of course. But I didn't get paid for that which caused the rantyness. I need to find a way to make clients pay for AGGRO, dang it!

In the printing business, they have the acronym AA, which stands for "Author's Alterations". This translates to "We charge extra for aggravation", as AAs occur when the author wants to make a change after the job is on press.

A job goes to a printer. The printer sets up the job on press, and runs proofs for the client to approve. Usually, those changes will be things under printer control, like not getting colors in a color job quite right. That's a minor on press adjustment. Make it, and print.

Sometimes the client decides on seeing the proof that they really want something different than what they sent to be printed in the first place. This is doable, but may require creating new plates and setting up the job again. Press time on major commercial presses is carefully scheduled, and having to rip up the schedule and redo everything is not well thought of. The printer will charge you extra (a lot extra) if you want that. Sometimes clients think better of it and decide they can live with what they originally sent when they find out how much extra the changes will be...

(I used to work for a major commercial printer decades back, and saw this frequently. I encountered one case that left me grimly amused. We had done an annual report for a corporation. There was an error in the financials in fine print that were part of the report. The way the applicable regulations were written, we couldn't just insert an errata sheet. They had to redo the entire job from scratch. Client error, not ours, but nobody was happy. The client had to pay for a whole new job. We had to redo our production schedule and decide who we had to make unhappy because their job wouldn't be on the big Rockwell 4 color web offset press when it was originally scheduled to be. It's a reason I'm glad I'm not in that business these days.)

But meanwhile, it sounds like you need to rethink your quotes, more carefully delineate just what you commit to do as basic service, and what you can do but will charge extra for if you are asked to do it. You want to be able to point to what the client agreed to when you signed the original contract and say "The contract doesn't cover this. I'm going to have to charge you more as specified in the supplemental fee schedule I sent you along with the original contract."

The client will doubtless squawk, but they either pay up or it doesn't get done.
______
Dennis

[CRussel]

We called those "change orders". And got rich off them.

Charlie.