Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 218

Lycoming · 07-04-2011, 02:37 PM

An Iowa farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's and knocked on the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your Dad home?"

"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."

"Well, is your Mother here?"

"No sir, she went to town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No sir, he went with Mom and Dad."

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."

"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Linda, pregnant."

The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $100 for the bull, $50 for the dog and $20 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

Fbone · 07-04-2011, 09:56 PM

Old age comes at a bad time.

orlok · 07-05-2011, 07:27 AM

A woman, three months pregnant, falls into a deep coma. Six months later, she awakens and asks the nearest doctor about the fate of her baby.

"You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine," says the doctor. "Luckily, your brother named them for you."

"Oh no, not by brother! He's an idiot! What did he call the girl?"

"Denise," the doctor replies.

Thinking that isn't so bad, she asks, "And what did he call the boy?"

The doctor answers, "Denephew."

Javed · 07-05-2011, 07:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

A woman, three months pregnant, falls into a deep coma. Six months later, she awakens and asks the nearest doctor about the fate of her baby.

"You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine," says the doctor. "Luckily, your brother named them for you."

"Oh no, not by brother! He's an idiot! What did he call the girl?"

"Denise," the doctor replies.

Thinking that isn't so bad, she asks, "And what did he call the boy?"

The doctor answers, "Denephew."

maianhvk · 07-05-2011, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

A woman, three months pregnant, falls into a deep coma. Six months later, she awakens and asks the nearest doctor about the fate of her baby.

"You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine," says the doctor. "Luckily, your brother named them for you."

"Oh no, not by brother! He's an idiot! What did he call the girl?"

"Denise," the doctor replies.

Thinking that isn't so bad, she asks, "And what did he call the boy?"

The doctor answers, "Denephew."

Fbone · 07-05-2011, 03:54 PM

One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."

DrDln · 07-06-2011, 03:01 PM

Have fun with this Q&A. Answer the question before you read the answer.

Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

A. No time at all it is already built.

orlok · 07-06-2011, 04:20 PM

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; 45 years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "They're not getting divorced if I have anything to do about it," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife and says, "Okay, they're coming for Thanksgiving...now what do we tell them for Christmas?"

Fbone · 07-07-2011, 03:34 AM

One of the great mysteries to me is the fact that a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.

Fbone · 07-07-2011, 05:31 PM

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read."

Format C: · 07-08-2011, 05:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read."

It actually happened to me.
I said: "I saw the sign, of course, but I didn't see YOU!"....

Lycoming · 07-08-2011, 08:57 AM

Urgent Warning for Tomorrow

ALIENS ARE COMING TO EARTH TOMORROW.

THEIR MISSION IS TO ABDUCT ALL SEXY, GOOD LOOKING "OLD" PEOPLE.

I'M JUST POSTING THIS TO SAY GOODBYE.

I'VE GOT TO GO PACK.

orlok · 07-08-2011, 04:06 PM

Two Irish couples go to a swingers party, and decide to swap partners.

After two hours Paddy says "that's the best sex I have had in years.

I wonder what the girls are up to?"

Fbone · 07-08-2011, 06:53 PM

I once went to a museum where all the work in the museum had been done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators.

maianhvk · 07-09-2011, 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

Two Irish couples go to a swingers party, and decide to swap partners.

After two hours Paddy says "that's the best sex I have had in years.

I wonder what the girls are up to?"

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07-04-2011, 02:37 PM	#3256
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	An Iowa farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's and knocked on the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your Dad home?" "No sir, he isn't; he went to town." "Well, is your Mother here?" "No sir, she went to town with Dad." "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "No sir, he went with Mom and Dad." The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message." "Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Linda, pregnant." The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $100 for the bull, $50 for the dog and $20 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

07-04-2011, 09:56 PM	#3257
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Old age comes at a bad time.

07-05-2011, 07:27 AM	#3258
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A woman, three months pregnant, falls into a deep coma. Six months later, she awakens and asks the nearest doctor about the fate of her baby. "You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine," says the doctor. "Luckily, your brother named them for you." "Oh no, not by brother! He's an idiot! What did he call the girl?" "Denise," the doctor replies. Thinking that isn't so bad, she asks, "And what did he call the boy?" The doctor answers, "Denephew."

07-05-2011, 03:54 PM	#3261
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."

07-06-2011, 03:01 PM	#3262
DrDln Banned Posts: 1,527 Karma: 2349214 Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Mountain House, CA Device: kindle	Have fun with this Q&A. Answer the question before you read the answer. Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? A. No time at all it is already built.

07-06-2011, 04:20 PM	#3263
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; 45 years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "They're not getting divorced if I have anything to do about it," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife and says, "Okay, they're coming for Thanksgiving...now what do we tell them for Christmas?"

07-07-2011, 03:34 AM	#3264
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	One of the great mysteries to me is the fact that a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider.

07-07-2011, 05:31 PM	#3265
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read."

07-08-2011, 08:57 AM	#3267
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Urgent Warning for Tomorrow ALIENS ARE COMING TO EARTH TOMORROW. THEIR MISSION IS TO ABDUCT ALL SEXY, GOOD LOOKING "OLD" PEOPLE. I'M JUST POSTING THIS TO SAY GOODBYE. I'VE GOT TO GO PACK.

07-08-2011, 04:06 PM	#3268
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Two Irish couples go to a swingers party, and decide to swap partners. After two hours Paddy says "that's the best sex I have had in years. I wonder what the girls are up to?"

07-08-2011, 06:53 PM	#3269
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I once went to a museum where all the work in the museum had been done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators.