Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 217

wodin · 06-29-2011, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romans 12:17, NIV

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.

______

Lycoming · 06-30-2011, 01:59 AM

The health system in a nutshell

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,

"Hello."

"Mrs Sanders, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.
When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week,

a biopsy from another Mr Sanders arrived as well.

We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband.
Frankly, either way the results are not good."

"What do you mean?" Mrs Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's

and the other one tested positive for HIV.
We can't tell which is which."

"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs Sanders.

"Normally we can, but MEDICARE will pay for these expensive tests only once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The MEDICARE Help desk recommends that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town..

If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.

odiakkoh · 06-30-2011, 02:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.

Fbone · 06-30-2011, 02:54 AM

For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake.

Fbone · 06-30-2011, 10:31 PM

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

orlok · 07-01-2011, 09:50 AM

A man goes to a doctor’s office and asks the nurse if she has any grapes. The nurse says, "This is a doctor’s office; we don’t have any grapes."

The man apologizes and leaves. The next day he returns and again asks the nurse for grapes. The nurse says patiently, “I still don’t have any grapes."

The same man returns for five days straight and asks for grapes every time. On the fifth day the nurse, who is no longer patient, says, "No! And the next time you come here and ask for grapes I will staple your feet to the floor."

The next day the man comes back and says, "Excuse me, do you have any staples?"

The nurse, bewildered and frustrated says, "No."

The man replies, “In that case, do you have any grapes?"

Fbone · 07-01-2011, 07:56 PM

Four-word story of failure: Hired, tired, mired, fired.

Lycoming · 07-02-2011, 03:32 PM

There once was a pervert named Weiner
Who had a perverted demeanor
Forced from the Hill
For acting like Bill
Now Congress is one wiener leaner

DrDln · 07-02-2011, 04:48 PM

Here's funny headline:

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy!

Fbone · 07-03-2011, 02:35 AM

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary there!

Lycoming · 07-03-2011, 07:22 AM

Leroy and Earl are quietly sitting on a Park Bench in Newark ,
chewing tobacco telling jokes when suddenly Leroy says,
"Think I'm gonna divorce the wife
- she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."
Earl spits on the grass, takes a long pause, purses his lips and says,
"Better think it over.............women like that are hard to find."

Fbone · 07-03-2011, 09:18 PM

Ok. I'm gonna need a hammer, a chisel... and maybe a couple of cruise missiles. But this pickle jar WILL come open!

Stitchawl · 07-04-2011, 01:36 AM

The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife.
They said, "Is this your wife, sir?"
Shocked, I answered, " Yes."
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."

Stitchawl

Mortis · 07-04-2011, 04:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife.
They said, "Is this your wife, sir?"
Shocked, I answered, " Yes."
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."

Stitchawl

Classic!

Stitchawl · 07-04-2011, 08:52 AM

Two Irishmen find a mirror in the road.
The first one picks it up & says, "Blow me I know dis face but I can't put a name to it."
The second picks it up & says, "You daft bastard it's me!"

Stitchawl

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06-30-2011, 01:59 AM	#3242
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	The health system in a nutshell The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello." "Mrs Sanders, please." "Speaking." "Mrs Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not good." "What do you mean?" Mrs Sanders asks nervously. "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which." "That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs Sanders. "Normally we can, but MEDICARE will pay for these expensive tests only once." "Well, what am I supposed to do now?" "The MEDICARE Help desk recommends that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town.. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.

06-30-2011, 02:54 AM	#3244
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake.

06-30-2011, 10:31 PM	#3245
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

07-01-2011, 09:50 AM	#3246
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A man goes to a doctor’s office and asks the nurse if she has any grapes. The nurse says, "This is a doctor’s office; we don’t have any grapes." The man apologizes and leaves. The next day he returns and again asks the nurse for grapes. The nurse says patiently, “I still don’t have any grapes." The same man returns for five days straight and asks for grapes every time. On the fifth day the nurse, who is no longer patient, says, "No! And the next time you come here and ask for grapes I will staple your feet to the floor." The next day the man comes back and says, "Excuse me, do you have any staples?" The nurse, bewildered and frustrated says, "No." The man replies, “In that case, do you have any grapes?"

07-01-2011, 07:56 PM	#3247
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Four-word story of failure: Hired, tired, mired, fired.

07-02-2011, 03:32 PM	#3248
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	There once was a pervert named Weiner Who had a perverted demeanor Forced from the Hill For acting like Bill Now Congress is one wiener leaner

07-02-2011, 04:48 PM	#3249
DrDln Banned Posts: 1,527 Karma: 2349214 Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Mountain House, CA Device: kindle	Here's funny headline: Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over What a guy!

07-03-2011, 02:35 AM	#3250
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary there!

07-03-2011, 07:22 AM	#3251
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Leroy and Earl are quietly sitting on a Park Bench in Newark , chewing tobacco telling jokes when suddenly Leroy says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months." Earl spits on the grass, takes a long pause, purses his lips and says, "Better think it over.............women like that are hard to find."

07-03-2011, 09:18 PM	#3252
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Ok. I'm gonna need a hammer, a chisel... and maybe a couple of cruise missiles. But this pickle jar WILL come open!

07-04-2011, 01:36 AM	#3253
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife. They said, "Is this your wife, sir?" Shocked, I answered, " Yes." They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus." I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality." Stitchawl

07-04-2011, 08:52 AM	#3255
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	Two Irishmen find a mirror in the road. The first one picks it up & says, "Blow me I know dis face but I can't put a name to it." The second picks it up & says, "You daft bastard it's me!" Stitchawl