Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[Nexutix]

A man walks into a bar in London and ordered 3-glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more. The bartender asks him,

“You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time.”

The man replies,
“Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada and I’m here in London. When they left home, we promised that we’ll drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn.

One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,
"I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss."
The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs,
"Oh, no! Everyone’s fine – both my brothers are alive."


"The only thing is, I just quit drinking!"

[Fbone]

You're old when your sweetie says, "Lets go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"

[maianhvk]

Ugly Truth:

In bed, it's 6AM, you close your eyes for 5 mins... and it's 7:45

At work, it's 9:30am, you close your eyes for 5 mins... and it's still 9:31

Sad but true

[SolRaven]

What a wonderful coming together of two diverse groups!

We need more gatherings where the activists are given warm, moist, aromatic welcomes like this one.

This is why PETA usually protests women wearing fur rather than bikers wearing leather.

HERE'S HOW POLICE FOUND ONE OF THEM.






Johnstown, PA (GlossyNews) - Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after
attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers "duct taped
inside fast food restaurant dumpsters," according to police officials.

"Something just went wrong,"said one still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. "Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong."
The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist groups, "were growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats, so we decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motorcycle seats."
"In fact," said the organizer, "motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it. ergo, they should stop."

According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the biker's event in a vintage 1960's era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting "you're murderers!"
This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began.

"They peed on me!" cried one activist. "They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me 'La Trene', and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!"

Still other activists claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers "farted on their heads."

Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation; however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed "surprise" at the allegations.

"That's preposterous,"said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee. "We were having a party, and these people showed up. They were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin our entire event. So, what did we do? We turned the other cheek. Just like in the Bible. We invited them to our party! What could be more friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome."

When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activist’s meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and 'farting on their heads,' the organizer declined to comment.
"That's just our secret handshake,"assured the organizer.

[wodin]

Karma for that !

[Falcao]

Originally Posted by SolRaven

What a wonderful coming together of two diverse groups!

We need more gatherings where the activists are given warm, moist, aromatic welcomes like this one.

Unfortunately, the story seems bogus: http://www.snopes.com/politics/satir...herprotest.asp

And I say unfortunately, because...

[Fbone]

Young son: "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad: "That happens in every country, son."

[Falcao]

A similar one:

A teenager is going out of his home with a flashlight (or torch). His dad see him and says:

- Where are you going with my flashlight?
- I'm going to see my girlfriend.
- What? I never used a flashlight when I was dating your mother.
- And see what you got!

PLOP!

[DrDln]

BANTA AND HIS BEER
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition held in
Britain.

Banta walks into a bar in London , orders 3 glasses of beer and sits in
the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more.
The bartender asks him, You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass;
it would taste better if you buy one at a time.
Banta Singh replies, Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai
, the other in Canada and Iam here in London . When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.
The bartender admits this is a nice custom and leaves it there.
Banta Singh became a regular in the bar and would always drink the same way.
He'd order 3 Beers and drink them in turn.
One day, he came in and ordered only 2 Beers. All the other regulars notice and fell silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bar tender says, I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss.
Banta said, Everyone's fine; both my brothers are alive. The only thing is.
.I have QUIT drinking!

Enjoy!!

[captkjaneway]

Originally Posted by DrDln

BANTA AND HIS BEER
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition held in
Britain.

Banta walks into a bar in London , orders 3 glasses of beer and sits in
the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.....

Enjoy!!

For a forum on ereaders we are not very good at reading are we.......look up 8 or 9 posts Dr!

[Fbone]

Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

[Lycoming]

The difference explained


Wife's Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting strange. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.

I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset by the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong;

He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.

I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there quietly, and watched TV.

He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.

But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.

He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.


Husband's Diary:

Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.

[Fbone]

Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.

[orlok]

This guy goes to the zoo one day. While standing in front of the gorilla’s cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless. When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper.

Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means “F**k you!” in gorilla language. The explanation didn’t make the victim feel any better and he vowed revenge.

The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla’s cage, where he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn. Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, looked at the hat, and put it on. Next, he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half. The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.

[Fbone]

Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.