Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 213

Stitchawl · 06-15-2011, 03:21 AM

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that..... 2:30 am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

Stitchawl

orlok · 06-15-2011, 04:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that..... 2:30 am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

Stitchawl

(how do I know that's not a joke

)

orlok · 06-15-2011, 04:36 AM

A teeny bit risqué...

Spoiler:

wannabee · 06-15-2011, 05:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that..... 2:30 am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

Stitchawl

When I lived in an apartment block in Cronulla I actually had to do that at 2:30 am. My neighbor was playing the drums in his bedroom which, of course, was directly under ours. He couldn't hear me knocking though. I had to walk through the place and find him. "What? Can you hear that?"

captkjaneway · 06-15-2011, 05:06 AM

A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast ‘The Flintstones’.
A spokesman for the channel said….
‘A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but
we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.’

captkjaneway · 06-15-2011, 05:10 AM

An old guy (not in the best of shape) was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing...

He asked the trainer that was nearby "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?"

The trainer looked him up and down and said "I would try the ATM in the lobby"

maianhvk · 06-15-2011, 10:20 AM

(don't know if this one was up or not...)

Morning. Mom wakes her son up, and says it's time to go to school or he'll be late.
"I don't wanna go to school!"
"Give me 2 reasons why you don't wanna go to school?"
"First, the kids hate me. Second, the teachers hate me!"
"Nonsense."
"So give me 2 reasons why I should go to school?"
"First, you're 50. And second, you're the school principal!"

Fbone · 06-15-2011, 03:37 PM

Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects. Whenever I mention sex, they object.

Nexutix · 06-16-2011, 03:16 AM

3 old ladies were taking a stroll at night after dinner. Suddenly they notice Grim Reaper following them. They start to run; but are overtaken by Grim Reaper. Grim Reaper asks a question to first woman:

Grim Reaper: "Have you kissed or fornicated anyone before marriage?"
First lady: "Yes."
Grim Reaper: "Send her to hell."

Grim Reaper: "Have you kissed or fornicated anyone before marriage?"
Second lady: "No. Only after marriage."
Grim Reaper: "Send her to heaven."

Grim Reaper: "Have you kissed or fornicated anyone before marriage?"
Third lady: "No, never. Neither before marriage, nor after marriage."
Grim Reaper: "Send her to my room."

travger · 06-16-2011, 04:51 AM

Why do women live longer than men:

Fbone · 06-16-2011, 10:49 AM

Remember, you are not alone. Everybody's family is crazy.

captkjaneway · 06-17-2011, 01:47 AM

Bubba was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.

'Twenty dollars' she whispers.

Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks.

So they hide in the bushes.

They're 'engaged' for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them.
It is a police officer.

'What's going on here people?' Asks the officer.

'I'm making love to my wife', Bubba answers sounding annoyed.

'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the cop. 'I didn't know'.

'Well, neither did I, 'til ya shined that light in her face.'

captkjaneway · 06-17-2011, 01:50 AM

Not sure if this is aceptable.....but is funny!

Spoiler:

Fbone · 06-17-2011, 03:04 AM

You can't change a man . . . unless he's in diapers!

MJK2111 · 06-17-2011, 09:38 AM

If the old adage that sweet corn should be "knee-high by the 4th of July" is true, don't midget farmers get screwed in the deal?

06-15-2011, 04:36 AM	#3183
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A teeny bit risqué... Spoiler: After years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't done in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, "Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?" "I found the remote," he mumbled.

06-16-2011, 03:16 AM	#3189
Nexutix Reading and reading Posts: 582 Karma: 8250144 Join Date: Oct 2010 Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One	3 old ladies were taking a stroll at night after dinner. Suddenly they notice Grim Reaper following them. They start to run; but are overtaken by Grim Reaper. Grim Reaper asks a question to first woman: Grim Reaper: "Have you kissed or fornicated anyone before marriage?" First lady: "Yes." Grim Reaper: "Send her to hell." Grim Reaper: "Have you kissed or fornicated anyone before marriage?" Second lady: "No. Only after marriage." Grim Reaper: "Send her to heaven." Grim Reaper: "Have you kissed or fornicated anyone before marriage?" Third lady: "No, never. Neither before marriage, nor after marriage." Grim Reaper: "Send her to my room." Last edited by Nexutix; 06-16-2011 at 03:20 AM.

06-16-2011, 04:51 AM	#3190
travger Evangelist Posts: 485 Karma: 270594 Join Date: Aug 2010 Device: palm tx, Windows7, Galaxy A5	Why do women live longer than men: Attached Thumbnails

06-17-2011, 01:50 AM	#3193
captkjaneway Cockney Sci-Fi Geek! Posts: 472 Karma: 1463094 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Wan Chai, Hong Kong Device: Kindle Paperwhite, Samsung Tab S 8.4", Samsung S6 Edge	Not sure if this is aceptable.....but is funny! Spoiler: Bob the builder walks up to a girl in a club and say's to her " I'm 8 inches long and can go all night" After a couple of drinks, she takes him home with her. The next morning she says to him "You told me that you were 8 inches long could go all night but you were barely 5 inches and lasted only 3 minutes" Bob looks up at her and says " I'm a builder love, that was just an estimate"

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06-15-2011, 03:21 AM	#3181
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that..... 2:30 am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes. Stitchawl

06-15-2011, 05:06 AM	#3185
captkjaneway Cockney Sci-Fi Geek! Posts: 472 Karma: 1463094 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Wan Chai, Hong Kong Device: Kindle Paperwhite, Samsung Tab S 8.4", Samsung S6 Edge	A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast ‘The Flintstones’. A spokesman for the channel said…. ‘A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.’

06-15-2011, 05:10 AM	#3186
captkjaneway Cockney Sci-Fi Geek! Posts: 472 Karma: 1463094 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Wan Chai, Hong Kong Device: Kindle Paperwhite, Samsung Tab S 8.4", Samsung S6 Edge	An old guy (not in the best of shape) was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing... He asked the trainer that was nearby "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?" The trainer looked him up and down and said "I would try the ATM in the lobby"

06-15-2011, 10:20 AM	#3187
maianhvk whimsical Posts: 2,779 Karma: 88193939 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: in darkness Device: current: PPW 4. brick: K3 & Voyage.	(don't know if this one was up or not...) Morning. Mom wakes her son up, and says it's time to go to school or he'll be late. "I don't wanna go to school!" "Give me 2 reasons why you don't wanna go to school?" "First, the kids hate me. Second, the teachers hate me!" "Nonsense." "So give me 2 reasons why I should go to school?" "First, you're 50. And second, you're the school principal!"

06-15-2011, 03:37 PM	#3188
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects. Whenever I mention sex, they object.

06-16-2011, 10:49 AM	#3191
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Remember, you are not alone. Everybody's family is crazy.

06-17-2011, 01:47 AM	#3192
captkjaneway Cockney Sci-Fi Geek! Posts: 472 Karma: 1463094 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Wan Chai, Hong Kong Device: Kindle Paperwhite, Samsung Tab S 8.4", Samsung S6 Edge	Bubba was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows. 'Twenty dollars' she whispers. Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks. So they hide in the bushes. They're 'engaged' for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is a police officer. 'What's going on here people?' Asks the officer. 'I'm making love to my wife', Bubba answers sounding annoyed. 'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the cop. 'I didn't know'. 'Well, neither did I, 'til ya shined that light in her face.'

06-17-2011, 03:04 AM	#3194
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	You can't change a man . . . unless he's in diapers!

06-17-2011, 09:38 AM	#3195
MJK2111 FUBAR! Posts: 1,946 Karma: 15018767 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Woodstock, IL Device: Kindle 3, Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 S	If the old adage that sweet corn should be "knee-high by the 4th of July" is true, don't midget farmers get screwed in the deal?