Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 202

Fbone · 05-17-2011, 02:52 PM

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

MJK2111 · 05-17-2011, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

You've obviously never met my wife...

orlok · 05-17-2011, 04:25 PM

A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you".

He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $'s on a table and takes them......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you".

He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from, and spots a birdcage with a parrot in it. He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?".

The parrot said "YES".

The burglar then says "What's your name?". The parrot says "MOSES".

The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird Moses??"

The parrot replies "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMED HIS ROTWEILER "JESUS".

straygator · 05-17-2011, 05:28 PM

Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Care for a beer, sir?" Descartes says "I think not . . ." and ceases to exist.

Fbone · 05-18-2011, 01:07 AM

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

nohmi2 · 05-18-2011, 01:43 AM

ESSENTIAL CLASSES FOR MEN ONLY.

WICOE
(Women In Charge Of Everything)

Is proud to announce the opening of its
EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!
OPEN TO MEN ONLY
ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practising with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE;
DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK
OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place
Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming -
Open forum

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS;
DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH;
BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY
AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS;
BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN
YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES
& CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT;
LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available

Cheers

Bikeridr · 05-18-2011, 02:22 AM

..And here are the classes for women.

Classes for Women at Your Local Adult Learning Centre

Note: That due to the complexity and difficulty level of the subject area, class sizes will be limited to 5 women.

Class 1: Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 pm

Class 2: Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Moaning About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3: Is It Possible To Drive Past a Waitrose Without Stopping? - Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 pm for 2 hours.

Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between a Handbag and a Suitcase - Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 pm for 3 weeks.

Class 5: Curling Irons - Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning At 7:00 pm

Class 6: How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Programme
Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 pm

Class 7: Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 pm, 2 hours.

Class 8: I Was Wrong and He Was Right! Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 pm. Location to be determined.

Class 9: How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 10: Learning to Live: How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield .
Tuesdays at 7:00 pm. Location to be determined

Class 11: How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 pm.

Upon completion of ANY of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

nohmi2 · 05-18-2011, 03:12 AM

Love it.

Mind if I send it to some friends.

Bikeridr · 05-18-2011, 03:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nohmi2

Love it.

Mind if I send it to some friends.

He, he - Of course, do distribute it. It's a webgrab from a public jokes site anyway, and I do not hold the copyright.

SolRaven · 05-18-2011, 04:16 AM

Listen Bikeridr.... I resemble some of those remarks!

orlok · 05-18-2011, 04:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nohmi2

ESSENTIAL CLASSES FOR MEN ONLY.

(no K though

)

orlok · 05-18-2011, 04:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bikeridr

Class 6: How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Programme
Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 pm

That's the one I'm booking my wife on!

Bikeridr · 05-18-2011, 04:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SolRaven

Listen Bikeridr.... I resemble some of those remarks!

As I (probably) do to nohmi2's post.

nohmi2 · 05-18-2011, 05:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SolRaven

Listen Bikeridr.... I resemble some of those remarks!

Wow!

You too?

Cheers

pilotbob · 05-18-2011, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MJK2111

You've obviously never met my wife...

05-18-2011, 02:22 AM	#3022
Bikeridr Information Acquirer Posts: 436 Karma: 4265156 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Latvia, Rigas Rajons Device: Kindle 3 International, Pocketbook Color	..And here are the classes for women. Classes for Women at Your Local Adult Learning Centre Note: That due to the complexity and difficulty level of the subject area, class sizes will be limited to 5 women. Class 1: Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 pm Class 2: Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Moaning About It for 3 Hours? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. Class 3: Is It Possible To Drive Past a Waitrose Without Stopping? - Group Debate. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 pm for 2 hours. Class 4: Fundamental Differences Between a Handbag and a Suitcase - Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 pm for 3 weeks. Class 5: Curling Irons - Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning At 7:00 pm Class 6: How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Programme Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 pm Class 7: Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos? Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 pm, 2 hours. Class 8: I Was Wrong and He Was Right! Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 pm. Location to be determined. Class 9: How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim. Driving Simulations. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours. Class 10: Learning to Live: How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield . Tuesdays at 7:00 pm. Location to be determined Class 11: How to Shop by Yourself. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 pm. Upon completion of ANY of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors. Last edited by Bikeridr; 05-18-2011 at 02:25 AM.

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05-17-2011, 02:52 PM	#3016
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

05-17-2011, 04:25 PM	#3018
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $'s on a table and takes them......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from, and spots a birdcage with a parrot in it. He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". The parrot said "YES". The burglar then says "What's your name?". The parrot says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird Moses??" The parrot replies "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMED HIS ROTWEILER "JESUS".

05-17-2011, 05:28 PM	#3019
straygator Connoisseur Posts: 88 Karma: 33904 Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Cayman Islands Device: Kindle	Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Care for a beer, sir?" Descartes says "I think not . . ." and ceases to exist.

05-18-2011, 01:07 AM	#3020
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

05-18-2011, 01:43 AM	#3021
nohmi2 Pensively observing. Posts: 1,758 Karma: 12675456 Join Date: Jun 2008 Device: Varied.	ESSENTIAL CLASSES FOR MEN ONLY. WICOE (Women In Charge Of Everything) Is proud to announce the opening of its EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN! OPEN TO MEN ONLY ALL ARE WELCOME Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include: DAY ONE HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS Step by step guide with slide presentation TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS? Roundtable discussion DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR Practising with hamper (Pictures and graphics) DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? Debate among a panel of experts. REMOTE CONTROL Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS Starting with looking in the right place Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum DAY TWO EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN? Group discussion and role play HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH PowerPoint presentation REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST Real life testimonial from the one man who did IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS? Driving simulation LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER Online class and role playing HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE Bring your calendar or PDA to class GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME Individual counsellors available Cheers

05-18-2011, 03:12 AM	#3023
nohmi2 Pensively observing. Posts: 1,758 Karma: 12675456 Join Date: Jun 2008 Device: Varied.	Love it. Mind if I send it to some friends.

05-18-2011, 04:16 AM	#3025
SolRaven Wizard Posts: 2,214 Karma: 12796976 Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: The Sunshine State Device: Clara, Voyage, Oasis, Paperwhite & PRS-650	Listen Bikeridr.... I resemble some of those remarks!