The Vent and Rant Thread

[Blossom]

Caffeine IV drip can help but yeah migraines can last a long time sometimes. I'm dealing with one now.

Sent from my XT1528

[Blossom]

Speaking of pain. Mom called woke me up because it's urgent. Get this....she was mopping the floor and fell then let the dogs out who are currently pooping and peeing everywhere.

What the blazing hockey sticks!?!? She can't mop the floor. What was she thinking!?!?
This is a perfect example why she can't be alone because she does stupid crap like this. You would think if you know you can't walk but a few steps with a walker you can't mop the floor. She's in manic phase now just waiting for the crash to come. This freaking sucks and there is nothing I can do.

What I want to do is call state make a hotline because change needs to be made but I really doubt they do anything. The animals need to go. Mom needs better care than my sister can give her and that house needs to be bulldoze. The land is good but that house needs to go. It's filthy, rotted and falling off it's foundation. What I have to do is turn my ringer off because I can't take this. I wasn't made to live like that and I thank God everyday for sending my husband to take me away from it 18 years ago.

Sent from my XT1528

[Rumpelteazer]

Re: people jumping queue
It happens regularly that there are people who think that just because the only want to ask something it's alright to jump queue or interrupt you when you're helping a customer. Sorry, you're not a paying customer, so yes I'm going to be very short with you when you act rude. You also have customers, especially when it's busy, who interrupt you because they don't want to wait if we can't help them and just want to ask if we sell something or have something in stock. Again, expect a very short answer.

Blossom:
Big hug for you and your husband for having to deal with this. I'm glad you can take a step back (even it's a forced step) from the drama.

Hemmi:
I hope your brother feels better soon.

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by Blossom

Speaking of pain. Mom called woke me up because it's urgent. Get this....she was mopping the floor and fell then let the dogs out ...

I don't know your or your mom's age, but I'm guessing you're somewhere around 40-45, and your mom somewhere around 65-70.

If I'm correct, it looks like someone who has taken no precautions with regard to becoming old. My father is the same. He's been living in this huge-ass house with a 57m x 10m garden.

I doubt I and my sister can get him to move to some sort of a senior apartment or something. While he can still live there with the help of some occasional cleaning help once every week to do the big stuff, I can see he's unable to keep up the house.

Nothing has been done since he's pensioned off 20 years ago (after 40 years as a coal miner and construction worker, 77 now), and I can just see the house become worse and worse. If he lives another 10 years or more, it'll just deteriorate further; especially the kitchen.

[DMcCunney]

Originally Posted by Deskisamess

There was no convincing him that his goal was unrealistic. If I remember correctly, the thread was on the lengthy side, with him defending his work, and actual users trying to convince him he was living in a dream world.

That sort of unreality is common and wide spread. Back in the earlier days of the PC, the concept of "shareware" software arose - you could download it and try it, and if it met your needs, pay for a full licensed copy. (The shareware version had limitations, like X days of usage before it stopped working. The intent was to let you confirm it worked and did what it claimed to do.)

I moderated a forum on shareware at one point, and had a chap posting his sales figures and complaining that "shareware didn't work". I pointed him at the vast majority of shareware that never got sales, and that most authors I dealt with would be delighted with his level of success. To my astonishment, he listened, and agreed to rethink his assumptions.

I've been active elsewhere in forums populated by aspiring self-published authors, and getting reality across is an uphill slog. With something like a thousand new self-published/indie-published works appearing every day, standing out from the crowd is a challenge. You must write and publish a superior book, and you must work your butt off reaching your intended market to let them know you and your work exist. But most of all, you need $DEITY to work a miracle to order, and grant you a giant economy sized helping of luck, so that you do reach your market and sell books. The vast majority of self-published authors won't be lucky.

I tell folks "Write because you must, and can't imagine not writing. Write because you love to do it, and would continue to do so even if you were the only person to ever see your work. Self-publish because you can. Don't do it because you expect to gain fame and fortune, and make your living at it. You won't. If you are lucky you will sell enough to cover your costs and buy a beer now and again. If you can'rt deal with that, find another hobby."

Of course, no one wants to hear that and have their bubble busted, so it's usually a waste of time and I've largely given up trying.
______
Dennis

[DMcCunney]

Originally Posted by Blossom

Caffeine IV drip can help but yeah migraines can last a long time sometimes. I'm dealing with one now.

My SO is subject to migraines, and they can be blinding and last a long time. Hers are triggered by a list of food allergies longer than your arm, beginning with seafood, and she's gotten very adept at reading labels. The last I recall came from an OTC Glucosamine product. The Glucosimine was fine, but that manufacturer had changed to a fish-based ingredient for the pills it came in.

Fiornol (a caffeine/codeine mix prescription drug) was effective, but became ineffective if taken for long periods.

Caffeine worked as a temporary stopper to at least let her sleep. She hates coffee and drinks lots of tea. When she asked me for coffee I knew a migraine was hitting.

She's been pretty much migraine free for some time. She was told the problems were hormone related (they began when she hit puberty) and would lessen after menopause. And they have, but she's still not about to take chances.
______
Dennis

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by Katsunami

I don't know your or your mom's age, but I'm guessing you're somewhere around 40-45, and your mom somewhere around 65-70.

BTW, Kats: take care with throwing those "old" numbers around, buddy.

If I'm correct, it looks like someone who has taken no precautions with regard to becoming old. My father is the same. He's been living in this huge-ass house with a 57m x 10m garden.

I doubt I and my sister can get him to move to some sort of a senior apartment or something. While he can still live there with the help of some occasional cleaning help once every week to do the big stuff, I can see he's unable to keep up the house.

Nothing has been done since he's pensioned off 20 years ago (after 40 years as a coal miner and construction worker, 77 now), and I can just see the house become worse and worse. If he lives another 10 years or more, it'll just deteriorate further; especially the kitchen.

Unfortunately, I have some experience with this issue, more than a few times.

It seems that some families just cannot deal directly with the topics of finances, wills, death and aging/disability. In my own family, despite the fact that it has its own traumas and denial, etc., the topics of wills, aging/nursing care, etc., was in the daylight. Everybody knew the terms of all wills, who was executing what, who was the trustee for whom, and who went where, when ill. At least that much was done. But then, my mother died, very unexpectedly, and we were left with my Gran, who was living with her (even though we'd tried, repeatedly, to move my Gran to an assisted living facility, b/c...well, to prevent what then happened). While I know that there was little else I could have done, but to put her in a nursing facility (alzheimers' that needed 24/7 care), I still torture myself about it. Because my mother didn't do what needed doing, (and what my Gran, when in her right mind, had SAID she wanted, mind you!), and make sure that Gran was in a good assisted-living place, all sorts of disasters ensued. It was MUCH harder on my Gran, and us, than it should have been, because by the time we had to institutionalize her, it was like abandoning a child. It was simply horrible. For everyone.

I realize--I do--that NOBODY wants to lose their independence. And until you put someone in a nursing home, you don't realize what it is--it's prison. Now, it can be a nice prison, and all that, with wonderful people--but it's prison. (My grandmother engineered more than a few fiendish escapes.) You lose all ability to run your own life, essentially. When it hits you--when you see what it is--you start to seriously think about how to solve your own problems, to put it delicately, when the time comes.

I think that the huge problem that I see is because NOBODY wants to deal with it, they ALWAYS put it off until it's far too late. If elderly folks that were losing their abilities (physical/mental) could find assisted-living facilities, with other active adults in their own age range, they could AT LEAST make friends, and acquaintances, and find things that they like doing. That way, as they further age, etc., they can still KEEP those friends, (if you find a facility that has multiple stages of care).

But, if you WAIT and WAIT and WAIT, then, suddenly, you have an adult-sized five-year old on your hands, or worse, a 2-y.o. (I had one that was a 98lb. 2-y.o. You just don't appreciate what that's like, until it happens). They know NO ONE at this new facility, and b/c they are now incapacitated, both mentally/physically (or worse, physically only!), they're TRAPPED and they feel abandoned, etc.

We have this right now, with a family member who's just hit 95. He was healthy, fit, active, really, until two years ago. Then, he had some physical challenges, and sure, he'd forget things from time to time, but now? Kablammo, it's like he went downhill overnight. (Frog, meet boiling water.)
He cannot live alone. Period. So, we have to figure out what to do with his house (very valuable), his possessions, where he's going to live (has a dog!), etc. He'd been making noises about an assisted-living facility, near where he lives, for the last 1-2 years, but NOW, he's too far gone to live there. He had friends who lived there, and now, he can't, b/c he needs more than "assisted" living. He needs nursing care.

It's just frustrating and upsetting as hell. If we would all just put on our big boy panties, and recognize time will happen to us all, that we'll deteriorate as we age, instead of having that magical and almost impossible sudden heart-attack-in-your-sleep, we'd make provisions, so as NOT to make our families' lives so encumbered with these types of decisions.

FWIW.

Hitch

[Blossom]

Originally Posted by Katsunami

I don't know your or your mom's age, but I'm guessing you're somewhere around 40-45, and your mom somewhere around 65-70.

If I'm correct, it looks like someone who has taken no precautions with regard to becoming old. My father is the same. He's been living in this huge-ass house with a 57m x 10m garden.

I doubt I and my sister can get him to move to some sort of a senior apartment or something. While he can still live there with the help of some occasional cleaning help once every week to do the big stuff, I can see he's unable to keep up the house.

Nothing has been done since he's pensioned off 20 years ago (after 40 years as a coal miner and construction worker, 77 now), and I can just see the house become worse and worse. If he lives another 10 years or more, it'll just deteriorate further; especially the kitchen.

She's 76 and totally disabled, handicapped and my sister has been her caretaker for 18 years. It's like leaving an 8 year I'd home by themselves. They know just enough not turn on a stove but they still do stupid dangerous things. She can't take more than a few steps and that's with the support of a walker. She can't stand or walk by herself. So why the hockey sticks is she doing stupid crap like trying to mop the floor!?!? This is something she would never do. This is why I say she is mentally ill. Anyone in their right mind wouldn't chance it for such a stupid act. You can mop that floor till the cows come home it's still going to be filthy.

Oh I'll be 40 in November so good guess.

Sent from my Nexus 7

[DMcCunney]

Originally Posted by Katsunami

I don't know your or your mom's age, but I'm guessing you're somewhere around 40-45, and your mom somewhere around 65-70.

If I'm correct, it looks like someone who has taken no precautions with regard to becoming old. My father is the same. He's been living in this huge-ass house with a 57m x 10m garden.

My late mother was like that. I called to find out how she was (she lived in a different city), and she said "Oh, I went out drinking and dancing with my friends, and I fell and broke my arm, and it's taking so long to heal!" I said "Mom, it's great that you don't look or feel your age, (she had to produce ID at the hospital to document how old she actually was) and can still go out drinking and dancing. But you are in your 80's! If you fall, you break! Please be more careful!"

She also whined about things like problems with Osteoporosis, and complained that her doctor hadn't warned her. I said "Mom, your doctor is a Cardiologist! He's a heart specialist, and your heart is just fine. What does he know about Osteoporosis? You need a referral to a Gerontologist who specializes in issues affecting older people and can advise you!" "Well, I guess..."

My mother wound up in an assisted living facility, legally blind from macular degeneration, on oxygen due to Emphysema, and using a walker on the odd moments her social worker visited and could take her out. Her heart was still ticking away, but the rest of her was failing, and she complained the last time I saw her that she was too stupid to simply die and leave a life that had grown unbearable. When I was told she had passed away, I considered it a mercy.
______
Dennis

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by Hitch

BTW, Kats: take care with throwing those "old" numbers around, buddy.

I said: "becoming old."

If someone considers themselves old at 65 or not is up to them

What I meant to say is that there are lots of people (in the Netherlands, at least), who don't think about what's going to happen after they turn 65/67 and they start their pension. It's very common for them to not have any hobbies, do nothing or less and less as soon as they stop working, and then they just sit in the same chair day after day in their too big, badly maintained houses. I see it happening with quite a few people in my father's street; people who've been living there for 40-50 years, who should have had *some* sort of plan with regard of what to do after 65.

It's impossible to just expect your children to help out all the time, as they have their own life, work, and family.

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by Blossom

She's 76 and totally disabled, handicapped...

Fortunately my father isn't handicapped or mentally disabled (not yet at least), but he's just starting to become old. Putting off things that need doing because it's too warm, too cold, because it -could- rain in the next half hour, and so forth; always an excuse to not do something. He has no hobbies anymore. The ones he had, breeding and raising/training dogs and breeding birds are impossible to keep up at 77. Way too much work, so as far as I know, he just sits in his chair watching TV most of the day.

He's had 20 years to arrange something, and has been told, asked, and offered repeatedly, but it's just impossible.

Exactly the same with his two neighbors, by the way; one a year or two younger than he is, the other 7 years older. At some point, shit's going to go wrong somewhere, even if it's just a stove left on that burns down one of the houses. Then the entire block will go.

Originally Posted by DMcCunney

My mother wound up in an assisted living facility, legally blind from macular degeneration, on oxygen due to Emphysema, and using a walker on the odd moments her social worker visited and could take her out. Her heart was still ticking away, but the rest of her was failing, and she complained the last time I saw her that she was too stupid to simply die and leave a life that had grown unbearable.

I hope I'm dead before stuff like that happens to me. I hope my parents are dead before it happens to them.

While people are getting older and older, I firmly believe many people nowadays are becoming older than what is reasonable for a human being. Yes, some people can become 100 without a hitch, but most can't. Life expectancy is increasing year after year, but are those extra years worth it? For some, they are; for many, they aren't.

Then, thinking that I'd have to work until I'm 71 if nothing changes in the current rules in the Netherlands.... taking into account that most companies already consider you to be 'old' when you're 45. People aged 50-55 can often work normally. After that, I think most people will start to slow down, and while some can easily go up to 70 or beyond in non-physical jobs, I firmly believe raising the pension-off age over 70 is pushing it.

[Blossom]

Well wonders never cease. I called mom and a old friend of the family knew a lady who could come over and clean house and take care of Mom for the day. She's there now. I'm able to relax finally!

Sent from my Nexus 7

[Cinisajoy]

Originally Posted by Blossom

Well wonders never cease. I called mom and a old friend of the family knew a lady who could come over and clean house and take care of Mom for the day. She's there now. I'm able to relax finally!

Sent from my Nexus 7

That is great.

[DMcCunney]

Originally Posted by Katsunami

I hope I'm dead before stuff like that happens to me. I hope my parents are dead before it happens to them.

I think of the late Sir Terry Pratchett, who campaigned for legally assisted suicide. He had been diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer's, and his condition was steadily worsening. He could still speak, at the time, but could no longer use a keyboard, so he wrote with assistance of a text to speech program that let him dictate his manuscripts. He had also lost the ability to distinguish between male and female signs on bathrooms, and traveled with a minder to assist.

I worked on the last North American Diskworld convention before he died, and the con put out the word about two weeks before that Sir Terry would not be attending. The reason given was that he was in final edits for the next book. A friend who is a published author said that was nonsense - he had done final edits on books while appearing as a guest at cons. I thought it likely that Sir Terry's condition had declined enough to make trans-Atlantic travel inadvisable, even with a companion, but no one wanted to come out and say that.

I know Sir Terry was looking at checking out on his own terms when things got too bad, and his public support for assisted suicide was likely a matter of protecting those who might assist him in doing so. He died of natural causes before pulling that trigger, so we can't know when he might have said "That's it. I'm leaving.", but he wanted the option.

I also think of a Japanese chap named J. Koizumi, Whose autobiography "My Life in Judo" I read decades back. As the title indicates, he was a Judoka, and had attained a 7th degree black belt. (There are only two higher ranks in the discipline.) He was a founder of the sport in Britain, and coached the British Olympic team. When his health deteriorated to an unacceptable level, he shaved, bathed, dressed in his best suit, and put his head into the oven and turned on the gas. He didn't want to become a burden on others, and had lived a full life and had proven accomplishments in this chosen field. He left a note stating his friends would understand.

While people are getting older and older, I firmly believe many people nowadays are becoming older than what is reasonable for a human being. Yes, some people can become 100 without a hitch, but most can't. Life expectancy is increasing year after year, but are those extra years worth it? For some, they are; for many, they aren't.

It boils down to what is called "quality of life". And it's problematic because the current trend is to preserve life no matter what. I have problems with that. We don't get to choose when we are born, but should be able to decide when we go. At what point is life no longer worth living?

I think my mother would have taken assisted suicide had the option been available to her.
______
Dennis

[Toxaris]

Over here (the Netherlands) assisted suicide is possible under certain conditions. We call it euthanasia. There are strict rules surrounding this, for one you need to sign a special form when you are still sound of mind. My mother in law got terminal cancer and she kept postponing signing the form. Then it spread out in her brains and she got a seizure. She wasn't allowed to sign the form anymore although then of course she wanted to sign and we had to wait until her body gave up.