Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 201

Fbone · 05-13-2011, 03:04 PM

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

SolRaven · 05-13-2011, 10:21 PM

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Fbone · 05-14-2011, 12:57 AM

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

dreams · 05-14-2011, 01:47 AM

If we refer to Australia as "down under", do they refer to us as "up over"?

----------

A husband came home from work and his wife slapped him. "What was that about?" he cried.

"I found a piece of paper in your pants last night with the name 'Mary Lou' written on it," she said, steaming. "You'd better have a good explanation."

"Calm down, honey," he replied. "Remember last week when I went to the races? Mary Lou was one of the horses I bet on, that's all."

The next day when he came home from work, his wife slapped him again.

"Now what?" he cried.

"This morning, your horse called!"

Fbone · 05-14-2011, 02:10 AM

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

SolRaven · 05-14-2011, 03:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

I used to have that as my bumper sticker and it was my "saying" on my AOL profile when they had them. Hmmm... I didn't delete it; maybe it's still there.

SolRaven · 05-14-2011, 03:50 AM

Why is it called a building if it's already built? Shouldn't it be called a "built" ?

Bikeridr · 05-14-2011, 04:23 AM

I don't know if this translates well into English, but I'll give it a try:

--
Always keep a deck of cards on your person wherever you go. So, if/when you ever get lost in the desert, you only have to play "Soltaire", and everybody will rush to your aid.
--

Cyberman tM · 05-14-2011, 07:51 AM

(Not sure if I translated this right)
Vegetarians eat away the food for my food.
(Vegetarier essen meinem Essen das Essen weg.)

--

Plants. It's what food eats.

--

A buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and asks "Can you make me one with everything?".
After paying with a big bill, he asks "Where's my change?" To which the vendor answers: "Change must come from within."

--

What's the difference between a chimpanzee and upper management?
It's been scientifically proven that a chimpanzee can communicate with humans.

Fbone · 05-14-2011, 06:29 PM

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

arkietech · 05-16-2011, 04:38 PM

Tax code? Healthcare law? no it is a copy of Anna Karenina!

Nexutix · 05-16-2011, 11:18 PM

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education than any cop from Houston. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense.

Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, " You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Deputy says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

Fbone · 05-17-2011, 12:56 AM

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

Bikeridr · 05-17-2011, 05:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by patilsaurabhr

A lawyer ...

Another lawyer (or judge) joke:

A witness is called and when questioned he has quite elaborate answers.
The judge informs the witness that he wants short answers.
The witnesss continues with elaborate answers and the judge demands that he only answers "yes" or "no" on the questions.

Witness: "Your Honor, the questions are of such nature that an elaborate answer is required."
Judge: "No, they are simple yes/no questions".
Witness: "Your Honor, may I ask you a yes/no question in order to prove you wrong?"
Judge: "Please, go ahead."
Witness: "Your Honor, do you still beat your wife?"

WT Sharpe · 05-17-2011, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreams

"This morning, your horse called!"

05-13-2011, 03:04 PM	#3001
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. Last edited by Fbone; 05-13-2011 at 03:06 PM.

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05-13-2011, 10:21 PM	#3002
SolRaven Wizard Posts: 2,214 Karma: 12796976 Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: The Sunshine State Device: Clara, Voyage, Oasis, Paperwhite & PRS-650	If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

05-14-2011, 12:57 AM	#3003
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

05-14-2011, 01:47 AM	#3004
dreams It's about the umbrella Posts: 25,110 Karma: 56250158 Join Date: Jan 2009 Device: Sony 505\| K Fire \| KK 3G+Wi-Fi \| iPhone 3Gs \|Vista 32-bit Hm Prem w/FF	If we refer to Australia as "down under", do they refer to us as "up over"? ---------- A husband came home from work and his wife slapped him. "What was that about?" he cried. "I found a piece of paper in your pants last night with the name 'Mary Lou' written on it," she said, steaming. "You'd better have a good explanation." "Calm down, honey," he replied. "Remember last week when I went to the races? Mary Lou was one of the horses I bet on, that's all." The next day when he came home from work, his wife slapped him again. "Now what?" he cried. "This morning, your horse called!"

05-14-2011, 02:10 AM	#3005
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

05-14-2011, 03:50 AM	#3007
SolRaven Wizard Posts: 2,214 Karma: 12796976 Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: The Sunshine State Device: Clara, Voyage, Oasis, Paperwhite & PRS-650	Why is it called a building if it's already built? Shouldn't it be called a "built" ?

05-14-2011, 04:23 AM	#3008
Bikeridr Information Acquirer Posts: 436 Karma: 4265156 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Latvia, Rigas Rajons Device: Kindle 3 International, Pocketbook Color	I don't know if this translates well into English, but I'll give it a try: -- Always keep a deck of cards on your person wherever you go. So, if/when you ever get lost in the desert, you only have to play "Soltaire", and everybody will rush to your aid. --

05-14-2011, 07:51 AM	#3009
Cyberman tM Evangelist Posts: 439 Karma: 2248782 Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Austria Device: Inkbook Prime; Icarus Illumina;ImcoV6l;EB600;Kobo	(Not sure if I translated this right) Vegetarians eat away the food for my food. (Vegetarier essen meinem Essen das Essen weg.) -- Plants. It's what food eats. -- A buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and asks "Can you make me one with everything?". After paying with a big bill, he asks "Where's my change?" To which the vendor answers: "Change must come from within." -- What's the difference between a chimpanzee and upper management? It's been scientifically proven that a chimpanzee can communicate with humans.

05-14-2011, 06:29 PM	#3010
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

05-16-2011, 04:38 PM	#3011
arkietech Connoisseur Posts: 64 Karma: 5918 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: NW Arkansas Device: pc	Tax code? Healthcare law? no it is a copy of Anna Karenina!

05-16-2011, 11:18 PM	#3012
Nexutix Reading and reading Posts: 582 Karma: 8250144 Join Date: Oct 2010 Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One	A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education than any cop from Houston. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense. Deputy says, "License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What for?" Deputy says, " You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." Deputy says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

05-17-2011, 12:56 AM	#3013
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.