Why do people spend so much money on a wedding?

[GA Russell]

There's an old saying..."The bigger the wedding, the worse the marriage."

[Freeshadow]

Yeah let's be honest: the most probable outcome of a wedding is the growth of a very popular false belief: that some kind of goal or achievement has been reached.
A lot of people fail to see that being a pair (or a group if you happen to be polyamoric ) is not a point but a way.
Thus from the day on the rings are exchanged and the legal papers signed the caring for the SO's love, respect and attention ceases. The sick idea of "Now I got him/her." grows on the legal status shit.
Those who seriously mean to stick with each other don't need that.
And those who think they need it as a stabilising factor don't take the need for relationship longterm-care serious enough.
Lifetime and health is the most basic wealth.
If someone wants somebody else to spend his or her life (or a significantly sized part of it) with, then that person should constantly work on deserving it.
Partnership is a constant mutual working on deserving each other.

No ceremony, legal contract or other flavour of official fixing, removes the need to do so.
My best wishes to the pairs out there who know what I mean.

[xg4bx]

i got married last year. all told it cost about $6k. 5 of that was for the banquet hall and all that. i believe my wifes wedding dress was $200 or so. her ring was $80 (she picked it out), mine was $40. the cake was made by somebody she knows. she had won a raffle at a bridal show so all the tux rentals were covered.

if i had my druthers we would have skipped the hall however there really wasn't anywhere free or cheap nearby that we could conceiveably or realistically host it at. i think we found a nice middle ground between extravagant waste of money and skinflint and still had a great day.

we had been together for 10 years before we got married so the whole thing was anti-climactic anyway .

[spindlegirl]

I quoted you below because I don't know which specific point I am commenting on, except to say I completely agree with you, and Karma points are about to be sent.

My husband and I lived together for ten years before we got married, so I agree, the commitment *behaviour* is the primary, if not only, thing that actually makes a lifelong commitment. I married my best friend.

Originally Posted by Freeshadow

Yeah let's be honest: the most probable outcome of a wedding is the growth of a very popular false belief: that some kind of goal or achievement has been reached.
A lot of people fail to see that being a pair (or a group if you happen to be polyamoric ) is not a point but a way.
Thus from the day on the rings are exchanged and the legal papers signed the caring for the SO's love, respect and attention ceases. The sick idea of "Now I got him/her." grows on the legal status shit.
Those who seriously mean to stick with each other don't need that.
And those who think they need it as a stabilising factor don't take the need for relationship longterm-care serious enough.
Lifetime and health is the most basic wealth.
If someone wants somebody else to spend his or her life (or a significantly sized part of it) with, then that person should constantly work on deserving it.
Partnership is a constant mutual working on deserving each other.

No ceremony, legal contract or other flavour of official fixing, removes the need to do so.
My best wishes to the pairs out there who know what I mean.

[lostmymarbles]

Originally Posted by GA Russell

There's an old saying..."The bigger the wedding, the worse the marriage."

Truth in that.
It would seem those big expensive weddings involve couples with farcical relationships.
Seems more money-motivated than anything else.
Case in point: Kim Kardashian and that basketball fella

[Dara England]

Originally Posted by NightBookworm

I know people say it's the most important
Anybody have a simple wedding like at a courthouse followed by a party at a restaruant and NOT regret it?

I think the total cost of my wedding (including the rental of the chapel and reception room) was somewhere under $5,000, which seems pretty reasonable to me. My bridesmaids sewed their own dresses, friends loaned us some of their decorations, we bought my dress second-hand, and had a friend take the pictures. I know it sounds like a shabby affair but it really wasn't. Only an expert eye would know the clothes were hand-made, the flowers fake, etc and none of my friends or family care about those things. I've never regretted that or thought the wedding should've been pricier. I loved my dress, loved the cake, splurged on fancy napkins, and had everything I could need to make a nice memory. So for people who do want the bigger ceremony, it doesn't have to cost a fortune.

On the other hand, two of my girlfriends skipped the traditional ceremony and were married at courthouses and both have made regretful comments about it ever since and say they now wish they'd done it differently. That said, I'm sure it depends on the person and some people could probably be perfectly happy being married before a judge and having a small intimate party afterward.

[Freeshadow]

Originally Posted by spindlegirl

I quoted you below because I don't know which specific point I am commenting on, except to say I completely agree with you, and Karma points are about to be sent.

My husband and I lived together for ten years before we got married, so I agree, the commitment *behaviour* is the primary, if not only, thing that actually makes a lifelong commitment. I married my best friend.

That's exactly what I meant: In your case the only reason for marriage would be IMHO purely fiscal/financial. It didn't matter for the quality of partnership - you didn't need it for a whole decade thus I doubt it a necessity for the decades to come of which I wish both of you a plenty.