Seriousness I need advice - Page 2

bjones6416 · 03-28-2011, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lene1949

Exer... I'm so sorry to hear that your soul mate passed away...

Obviously her family hasn't come to terms with their loss, and are trying to blame someone, and the closest one to her was you... It is their way of coping... Their behaviour is normal, even though it's hurting you.

Stand strong, and eventually you might be able to grieve together.

I agree with Lene -- it has been such a short time, and sometimes people who are grieving feel compelled to find somebody to blame. I think it is just a coping mechanism, and I seriously doubt they are even taking into account that it hurts you. I am glad that your grief is taking a more productive path -- remembering your good times together and thinking about what she would have wanted. Give them all some space without burning any bridges. Hopefully in time you will all remember the good times together.

Exer · 03-28-2011, 06:24 PM

Thank you all, again, for the wise advice. Sometimes it is easier to see things from the perspective of outside eyes.

As for the question of whether there is anyone in her family who likes me, I'm afraid not. Her father was the only one. He was a very fair man, and he only needed to be assured I loved his daughter and would never hurt her. That was enough for him, and he treated me like a son. Sadly, just a few days ago was the 6th anniversary of his passing.

The two of them were so close. To be honest he might of been the only member of her family she truly loved.

I hope they found each other again.

Billjr13 · 03-28-2011, 06:57 PM

Dear Exer, I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad your love is so strong for your wife and it will never go away. You can and will always love her. It really has been such a short time since her passing that you need time, not just you but your wife's family too. Life is too short to hate, even if they can't be civil, you don't need that in your life right now. Give yourself a break and avoid them as much a you can. Hang in there and know you have real friends who want to be with you. They are the ones that matter. Surround yourself with the ones you love.

kennyc · 03-28-2011, 07:01 PM

Oh Damn Man!

Fbone · 03-28-2011, 07:15 PM

My deepest sympathies.

nohmi2 · 03-29-2011, 04:03 AM

Exer,

All that I can do is to reiterate what I have said before.

I have just read your post about your missing Kindle, and the books bought on your account.

Okay, they are grieving; but it cuts both ways. You are also grieving - for a lost love.

Personally, I feel that we are giving too much leeway to the 'nasties' in society, and not enough sympathy to those who are the targets.

Cheers

Nohmi

Sweetpea · 03-29-2011, 05:03 AM

I'm so sorry, Exer! I can't believe that there are people with such hatred in this world. Personally, as there is nobody who cares anything about you, but only blame you (without ever thinking about your feelings!), I'd say, take your fond memories, and pull back. Don't let them destroy you, as I've got the feeling they're trying to do.

I presume you also had friends together. They will also help you keeping her alive in your mind and heart.

The one thing you shouldn't do, is return the favour. Never lower yourself to their level. That will only fix their ideas about you. Just pull back, try to see them as little as possible.

I've not lost somebody I've loved like that (thankfully!), but I stood by my grandmother when my grandfather died. And I know it did help her a lot thee was somebody she could talk to. But I doubt she would have pulled through if she had only had to listen to people who blamed her for her husband's death. Most people will understand if you really need to talk about her, remember her. Find those people in your friend list and continue living and loving!

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03-28-2011, 06:24 PM	#17
Exer I see Russia! Posts: 205 Karma: 234787 Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Alaska Device: Etch-A-Sketch	Thank you all, again, for the wise advice. Sometimes it is easier to see things from the perspective of outside eyes. As for the question of whether there is anyone in her family who likes me, I'm afraid not. Her father was the only one. He was a very fair man, and he only needed to be assured I loved his daughter and would never hurt her. That was enough for him, and he treated me like a son. Sadly, just a few days ago was the 6th anniversary of his passing. The two of them were so close. To be honest he might of been the only member of her family she truly loved. I hope they found each other again.

03-28-2011, 06:57 PM	#18
Billjr13 Addict Posts: 357 Karma: 550002 Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Colorado Device: Sony PRS 700 & 650	Dear Exer, I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad your love is so strong for your wife and it will never go away. You can and will always love her. It really has been such a short time since her passing that you need time, not just you but your wife's family too. Life is too short to hate, even if they can't be civil, you don't need that in your life right now. Give yourself a break and avoid them as much a you can. Hang in there and know you have real friends who want to be with you. They are the ones that matter. Surround yourself with the ones you love.

03-28-2011, 07:01 PM	#19
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,901 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	Oh Damn Man!

03-28-2011, 07:15 PM	#20
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,296 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	My deepest sympathies.

03-29-2011, 04:03 AM	#21
nohmi2 Pensively observing. Posts: 1,758 Karma: 12675456 Join Date: Jun 2008 Device: Varied.	Exer, All that I can do is to reiterate what I have said before. I have just read your post about your missing Kindle, and the books bought on your account. Okay, they are grieving; but it cuts both ways. You are also grieving - for a lost love. Personally, I feel that we are giving too much leeway to the 'nasties' in society, and not enough sympathy to those who are the targets. Cheers Nohmi

03-29-2011, 05:03 AM	#22
Sweetpea Grand Sorcerer Posts: 9,707 Karma: 32763414 Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Krewerd Device: Pocketbook Inkpad 4 Color; Samsung Galaxy Tab S6	I'm so sorry, Exer! I can't believe that there are people with such hatred in this world. Personally, as there is nobody who cares anything about you, but only blame you (without ever thinking about your feelings!), I'd say, take your fond memories, and pull back. Don't let them destroy you, as I've got the feeling they're trying to do. I presume you also had friends together. They will also help you keeping her alive in your mind and heart. The one thing you shouldn't do, is return the favour. Never lower yourself to their level. That will only fix their ideas about you. Just pull back, try to see them as little as possible. I've not lost somebody I've loved like that (thankfully!), but I stood by my grandmother when my grandfather died. And I know it did help her a lot thee was somebody she could talk to. But I doubt she would have pulled through if she had only had to listen to people who blamed her for her husband's death. Most people will understand if you really need to talk about her, remember her. Find those people in your friend list and continue living and loving!

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