The Vent and Rant Thread

[DMcCunney]

Originally Posted by Bilbo1967

Rumpelteazer, it sounds like you're just a really nice person who's, possibly, getting a bit of a bad deal from other family members who don't seem as nice. That sucks.

It does indeed.

An old friend is coping with a variant. She's the younger sister in a family of four, with two brothers (whose ages I don't know.) She put her life and career on hold to be elder care for her aged mother, living in the family home and seeing to the various things mom couldn't do herself.

Elder sister was made executrix of the estate and had mom's medical proxy. Elder sister is also one of those folks firmly convinced that she knows better and must be in control, and was unhappy that younger sister was being mom's caregiver. (Never mind that elder sister is married with her own house, and not available to do the job - only to complain about how it's being done.) Elder sister's personality also alienated various other folks like mom's doctors, and some of the things elder sister did arguably shortened mom's life.

So my friend is still living in the family home that might just be sold out from under her, waiting for elder sister to reveal the provisions of mom's will and which way things will settle.

My own take is that she's in a dysfunctional family, and mom made the wrong call by anointing elder sister as executrix of the will and holder of the medical proxy. I'm sympathetic, and won't actually come out and say "You realize that your mom screwed you, despite the fact that you devoted years to caring for her...", but I think it hard whenever we talk.
______
Dennis

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

It's a long story...

As I said, nice uncle you've got there. Reading only your side of the story, that seems to be a genuinely evil person. His grandparents are the owners of your father's store/building as far as I understand, and he could buy it from them/your grandmother. So, your uncle inherits half of the worth of that building. That's fair enough, but I think that selling the building on his own is actually impossible/illegal in the Netherlands, as everybody has to agree on the course of action.

I don't know too much with regard to insurances and 'moving' someone's money after you inherit part of it after that person's death. (Both of my parents are still alive.)

Aside from the fact that your uncle seems to be the typical 'go after the money after the death of the parents/family member'-guy, he is possibly even doing illegal stuff.

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by John K

I think civilization needs people who are disconnected from mainstream values. It's alarming how much influence advertising and entertainment have.[/URL][/I]

It sure looks like as if things are getting shallower and shallower.

I'm disconnected from *** anything with regard to entertainment, commercials, and commerce in general. I basically know nothing.... once every several months, I go and see if there are any new interesting movies or series, but most of them, I just toss aside before finishing the blurb or pilot episode. Reality TV? I didn't even start with that. What's the point to 'follow' the life of some über-rich person?

I make my own values, based on something that seems to be decidedly lacking in today's world: common sense.

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by DMcCunney

It does indeed.

An old friend is coping with a variant. She's the younger sister in a family of four, with two brothers (whose ages I don't know.) She put her life and career on hold to be elder care for her aged mother, living in the family home and seeing to the various things mom couldn't do herself.

Elder sister was made executrix of the estate and had mom's medical proxy. Elder sister is also one of those folks firmly convinced that she knows better and must be in control, and was unhappy that younger sister was being mom's caregiver. (Never mind that elder sister is married with her own house, and not available to do the job - only to complain about how it's being done.) Elder sister's personality also alienated various other folks like mom's doctors, and some of the things elder sister did arguably shortened mom's life.

So my friend is still living in the family home that might just be sold out from under her, waiting for elder sister to reveal the provisions of mom's will and which way things will settle.

My own take is that she's in a dysfunctional family, and mom made the wrong call by anointing elder sister as executrix of the will and holder of the medical proxy. I'm sympathetic, and won't actually come out and say "You realize that your mom screwed you, despite the fact that you devoted years to caring for her...", but I think it hard whenever we talk.
______
Dennis

As an older sister, who was the Executrix, and having read Rumple's tale, what I can say is that Rumple's story, and Dennis' post, is that WILLS ARE FREAKING IMPORTANT, people! Just because it's unpleasant to think about your death doesn't mean that they don't matter.

(n.b.: it's bizarre to me that the Executrix hasn't "revealed" the terms of the Will. Weren't copies given to the devisees?)

Being the executor/trix is a thankless damn job. Not saying that the elder sister in your story, Dennis, isn't the PITA that you've described, but I can tell you that I never wanted to be the executrix--nor, BTW, the POA for life/death/eol decisions--but my parents chose me because above all, they trusted me to be honest about the money, etc., (irony alert) and more importantly to them--they knew I'd pull the plug, on a machine, if needed. They didn't trust my sibs to do that. They also trusted me to try my best to keep certain family members from blowing through inheritances--and gosh, thanks for that job, Mom and Dad! I get to be the parent that you never were. Terrific.

In endless gratitude for the exhausting chores of being the executrix (flying 2500 miles, each way, multiple times, to empty out/clean a house that was not 20 miles away from each of them, mind you), I was not only harassed by one of my sibs, constantly, for money (family trust, of which, lucky me, I was the Trustee), contrary to the express desires stated in the Trust documents, but accused of absconding with the proceeds of the sale of said house, too. People think that somehow, it's okay to say outrageous things, when they're grieving, or when discussing their own family member's actions around a will, or this or that, and that you'll forget--but do you think I'll ever forget that my own sibs accused me of stealing their money? Ever forgive it? When I never even paid myself either a trustee's fee, an executor's fee, or even reimbursed my [extensive] travel expenses? Not bloody likely. Those relationships are now damaged for life.

Anyway: the point is, because Rumple's GF didn't want to hurt somebody's feelings, or name this in a will, or do that, or just didn't want to face his own mortality, this entire mess has been created. Rumple's father obviously also trusted his brother--or didn't want to raise a fuss, about the right-of-first-refusal arrangement--presumably, and, yet again, a mess ensues.

Rumple, I'm sorry for you, but I hope that at least, if you DO end up doing something with the store, you get EVERYTHING in iron-clad contracts/writing/wills/trusts/whatever. Don't make the same mistakes that, quite honestly, your dad did. He trusted his dad, to do the right thing, and he didn't; and he trusted your uncle, and ditto. He should have told your GF to write it up, or no dice, and the same with his brother. Especially as he already knew his brother's character, apparently.

Not to lecture your Dad. He's had enough bad breaks in this scenario. But people will always be true to who they are--whether they do something overtly crappy, like your Uncle, or they accuse someone of something that they themselves would have done (like stealing, and anthropomorphizing that I'd done that to THEM). Money, in my experience, doesn't make people into better human beings--it makes all the worst sides of their character emerge. Whatever you do about that store--assuming that the courts uphold your side--make sure that YOU PROTECT YOURSELF. Family or not--don't fail to do that.

Good luck on your case.

Hitch

[Blossom]

Earlier I drank a juice with Stevia in it and I am soooo sick to my stomach. I had no idea it had Stevia in it till the aftertaste wouldn't​ go away. I always read the labels but this had sugar listed as the third ingredient. It was only at the bottom of a long list did it say Stevia Leaf Extract.

Mixing the two together has made a horrible combo. There should be a law that artificial sweeteners are clearly visible on the packaging.

By the way this juice is marketed to kids.

I am so nauseated and it has been three hours. Ugh!

Sent from my XT1528

[badgoodDeb]

I gather you are allergic to Stevia? Most people don't get reactions like that. I don't think.

[Hemmi]

All artificial sweetners like that taste horrible to me. NutriSweet will give me a migraine and because of that I avoid all of the rest of them.

[Blossom]

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

I gather you are allergic to Stevia? Most people don't get reactions like that. I don't think.

This my third time accidentally ingesting it. I do think I'm very sensitive to it. Splenda I can tolerate in gum, meds no problems. Aspertame gives me migraines. Saccharin has never bother me but the taste. I prefer sugar or natural sugars in my foods.

I read Stevia comes from a plant. I have various plant allergies. So it's very possible it's an allergy.

Sent from my XT1528

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by Blossom

This my third time accidentally ingesting it. I do think I'm very sensitive to it. Splenda I can tolerate in gum, meds no problems. Aspertame gives me migraines. Saccharin has never bother me but the taste. I prefer sugar or natural sugars in my foods.

I read Stevia comes from a plant. I have various plant allergies. So it's very possible it's an allergy.

Sent from my XT1528

Some plant from S. America, if memory serves. I don't know much more, but I'm certainly sorry that your stomach is in such distress.

Hitch

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by Hemmi

All artificial sweetners like that taste horrible to me. NutriSweet will give me a migraine and because of that I avoid all of the rest of them.

All sweeteners are horrible, even normal sugar. Most stuff is sweet enough all by itself, at least for me.

[badgoodDeb]

Originally Posted by Katsunami

All sweeteners are horrible, even normal sugar. Most stuff is sweet enough all by itself, at least for me.

Ahh, but you are not American! We have far more candies and sweets on our grocery stores than Europe does. Well, UK anyway (I've never been to "the continent".) I wind up dieting when I visit England, just because my familiar candies aren't present.

[Rumpelteazer]

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

Ahh, but you are not American! We have far more candies and sweets on our grocery stores than Europe does. Well, UK anyway (I've never been to "the continent".) I wind up dieting when I visit England, just because my familiar candies aren't present.

And when I studied in the UK I was always amazed at the amount of candy, and especially chocolate, that were available at the supermarket. Especially around Easter, when the big Asda next to one of the campuses had a whole aisle dedicated to Easter chocolate.

But I agree with Katsunami, a lot of things are sweet enough. I am the only one in the family to eat some fruits (strawberries, red berries, grapefruit) and yoghurt without sugar. I always wonder why my sister makes tea. She adds so much honey or sugar that she won't taste the tea.

[Blossom]

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

Ahh, but you are not American! We have far more candies and sweets on our grocery stores than Europe does. Well, UK anyway (I've never been to "the continent".) I wind up dieting when I visit England, just because my familiar candies aren't present.

I went six years without Chocolate. Now I can eat it again I'm happy. It really is a mood booster. I've seen what life was like eating and drinking on the bland side. No chocolate, no pizza, no Italian, no Mexican, no hamburger, nothing flavorable just grilled Chicken, turkey, bread, fries and lean roast beef with water to drink. That was my diet for six years. Oh milk and cereal.

Now I can eat pretty much everything in moderation. I never was much on junk food but I like my soda and chocolate.

Sent from my XT1528

[Freeshadow]

@Rumpelteazer & Katsunami:
At least chocolate from Belgium should be easier to come by at your corner of the EU than elsewhere, and this I have always remembered as good quality stuff.
Re tea and sweeteners: sugar kills tea. (and every other herb prepared that way)
I can actually smell if a tea is sweetened.
If so, it's own aroma is completely gone.

[Blossom]

Originally Posted by Freeshadow

@
I can actually smell if a tea is sweetened.
If so, it's own aroma is completely gone.

So can I. People say I'm freaky. I can smell sugar. I can smell coca cola if it's flat or off or good. You can put Pepsi, Coke and Dr. Pepper in front of my and I can tell by smell which is which. Diet and Regular.

Put tea in front of me and I can tell hot or cold if it they forgot the sugar.

They may call me a freak but who do they hand their drink to when the fast food place forgot to label it and ask is this what I ordered​.

Sent from my Nexus 7