Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 195

Lycoming · 04-28-2011, 04:39 PM

Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.

The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, Sir."

The President replies: "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared-away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Excellent trade, sir."

orlok · 04-28-2011, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

A test which will hopefully take your mind off the wedding, which is apparently happening soon.

TEST FOR MEN OVER 50
A study by the University of Hawaii Department of Psychology has determined men over 50 may have difficulty with computer Internet technology. An initial analysis suggests it may be due to brain age, prior alcohol or drug abuse, shrinkage of the Occipital lobes, resulting in the deterioration of concentration and visual impairment requiring an increased need for stronger glasses or contact lenses. The University of Hawaii Department of Psychology developed this Test to help you determine if you have symptoms which may require medical attention. Take the Test to help you determine if you should consider consulting a professional.

Click on the link, then follow the instructions. Only one attempt is allowed for qualitative purposes.

http://www.gjk2.com/test/test.swf

I had to try it several times, just to make sure...

thrawn_aj · 04-28-2011, 08:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

A test which will hopefully take your mind off the wedding, which is apparently happening soon.

TEST FOR MEN OVER 50
A study by the University of Hawaii Department of Psychology has determined men over 50 may have difficulty with computer Internet technology. An initial analysis suggests it may be due to brain age, prior alcohol or drug abuse, shrinkage of the Occipital lobes, resulting in the deterioration of concentration and visual impairment requiring an increased need for stronger glasses or contact lenses. The University of Hawaii Department of Psychology developed this Test to help you determine if you have symptoms which may require medical attention. Take the Test to help you determine if you should consider consulting a professional.

Click on the link, then follow the instructions. Only one attempt is allowed for qualitative purposes.

http://www.gjk2.com/test/test.swf

A "NSFW" label would have been helpful

. I was like - "OMG, close window, close window"

.

Falcao · 04-28-2011, 11:43 PM

Fbone · 04-29-2011, 01:09 AM

Things your mother would never say to you ...

How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?

Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.

Let me smell that shirt - don't worry, it's good for another week.

Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day.

That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse.

Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.

The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.

Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look bad.

Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?

Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure it out if you're in trouble.

DrDln · 04-29-2011, 01:40 AM

"Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other
is the husband!" Take it easy ladies. Just for fun..LOL

DrDln · 04-29-2011, 01:43 AM

Here are some more:
" It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up
with the same boss."

"They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to
speak."

"Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you."

Lycoming · 04-29-2011, 09:49 AM

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
You know what Martha?'
'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
'I'm beginning to think you're bad luck...

Stitchawl · 04-29-2011, 08:41 PM

Stitchawl

Bikeridr · 04-30-2011, 05:16 AM

A captain is a man who knows very little about a great deal and goes on knowing less and less about more and more until he knows practically nothing about everything.

A chief engineer is a man who knows a great deal about very little and goes on knowing more and more about less and less until he knows practically everything about nothing.

(I probably shouldn't post this one, being a chief engineer myself

)

Stitchawl · 04-30-2011, 06:41 AM

Stitchawl

Iznogood · 04-30-2011, 10:01 AM

A scotsman in one of my favorite books:
I thocht ye were an American. Tell me, noo. Hae ye heard aboot ma brither Angus, who wadna e’en gie the bluidhoonds a scent?

yvanleterrible · 04-30-2011, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

Stitchawl

A good joke spoiled by bad spelling... A-

Pablo · 04-30-2011, 02:04 PM

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GeoffC · 05-01-2011, 04:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

A good joke spoiled by bad spelling... A-

my thought also ....

04-30-2011, 10:01 AM	#2922
Iznogood Guru Posts: 932 Karma: 15752887 Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Norway Device: Ipad, kindle paperwhite	A scotsman in one of my favorite books: I thocht ye were an American. Tell me, noo. Hae ye heard aboot ma brither Angus, who wadna e’en gie the bluidhoonds a scent? Last edited by Iznogood; 04-30-2011 at 10:02 AM. Reason: Correcting typo

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04-28-2011, 04:39 PM	#2911
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, Salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, Sir." The President replies: "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi." The squared-away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Excellent trade, sir."

04-28-2011, 11:43 PM	#2914
Falcao Banned Posts: 1,344 Karma: 1028477047 Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Nueva Andalucía Device: Sony PRS 650

04-29-2011, 01:09 AM	#2915
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,297 Karma: 101697116 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Things your mother would never say to you ... How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back? Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too. Let me smell that shirt - don't worry, it's good for another week. Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day. That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse. Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper. The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here. Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look bad. Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs? Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure it out if you're in trouble.

04-29-2011, 01:40 AM	#2916
DrDln Banned Posts: 1,527 Karma: 2349214 Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Mountain House, CA Device: kindle	"Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!" Take it easy ladies. Just for fun..LOL

04-29-2011, 01:43 AM	#2917
DrDln Banned Posts: 1,527 Karma: 2349214 Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Mountain House, CA Device: kindle	Here are some more: " It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss." "They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak." "Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you."

04-29-2011, 09:49 AM	#2918
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what Martha?' 'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. 'I'm beginning to think you're bad luck...

04-29-2011, 08:41 PM	#2919
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	Stitchawl

04-30-2011, 05:16 AM	#2920
Bikeridr Information Acquirer Posts: 436 Karma: 4265156 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Latvia, Rigas Rajons Device: Kindle 3 International, Pocketbook Color	A captain is a man who knows very little about a great deal and goes on knowing less and less about more and more until he knows practically nothing about everything. A chief engineer is a man who knows a great deal about very little and goes on knowing more and more about less and less until he knows practically everything about nothing. (I probably shouldn't post this one, being a chief engineer myself )

04-30-2011, 06:41 AM	#2921
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	Stitchawl

04-30-2011, 02:04 PM	#2924
Pablo Guru Posts: 973 Karma: 4999999 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Rosario, Argentina Device: SONY PRS-T2, Kindle Paperwhite 11th gen	This is how our reading experience could be if some people had their way with cloud storage and biometric DRM: (You power up your ebook reader) Welcome back! Your InterPoliceNet(R) session has timed out! Please login To login, use your right thumb fingerprint and left eye retina. [Lost your right thumb?] [Lost your left eye?] [Lost both?] We could not read your fingerprint. If you are using gloves, please take them off. If your thumb is dirty, please clean it with a wet cloth and try again. Congratulations! We've found a match for your fingerprint. Please scan your left eye retina. Congratulations! Your fingerprint and retina scan match our records. You are now logged in the InterPoliceNet(R) Protected Content Network Loading ads..... Please wait [Skip ads] Are you sure you want to skip ads? You have selected to skip ads. Though viewing ads is not mandatory, you should know that advertising is what keeps the InterPoliceNet(R) free for you and millons of ebook readers worldwide. Please support the InterPoliceNet(R) viewing a few ads and taking part in our post-ad survey! It takes less than two minutes! [View ads] [Continue without viewing ads] Skipping ads.... Please wait [View ads] Our records show that the last time you were logged in you were reading page 354 of "Anna Karenina" by Leo Tolstoy. [Continue reading Anna Karenina] [Change Book] [Buy Books] [View Ads] Loading Anna Karenina.... Please wait Sorry, our Protected Content Server is not available at this time. Please try later. [Retry] [Change Book] [Buy Books] [View Ads] Loading Anna Karenina.... Please wait Your InterPoliceNet(R) session has timed out! Please login To login, use your right thumb fingerprint and left eye retina. [Lost your right thumb?] [Lost your left eye?] [Lost both?]