The Vent and Rant Thread

[cromag]

Originally Posted by ProfCrash

OK, so someone explain to me how it is my loving husband, and he is a great, loving husband, is still trying to convince me that I do not need to go with him when he goes to donate bone marrow for his fathers bone marrow transplant. We are on round three of this conversation.

It is a surgical procedure that requires he be knocked out and stay in the hospital for at least one day. Why the hell am I explaining why I will be there for a third time?

My parents are coming out to watch the Little Man so that I can travel with my Husband. I get that it seems like a lot of coordination but this is not something trivial. He is having surgery, his father is going to be in an isolation ward waiting for the bone marrow, his mother is going to be stressing over his father and her son. To me it makes sense that I would be there because, well, it is surgery and it removes some of my MILs stress. If I am there she will still worry about her son but she knows that someone is there for him so she can focus on her husband.

My parents are able to come out and watch the Little Man. We have friends who are near by and will lend a hand. I might ask them come and pick him up for day care so my Dad doesn't have to worry about that. Little man gets to spend four days with his grandparents, who he loves.

To top it all off, I am not a total basket case worrying about surgery, recovery and my FIL 1,000 miles away.

And yes I have said all of this to my Husband. Three different times we have had this conversation.

Just blowing off some steam because I know he is worried and that this all sucks awfully for him and he wants to make my life as easy as possible but I am sick of having the same conversation and having to explain everything to him. He has flat out said he wants me there but he doesn't want to inconvenience people.

I am guessing that his Dad feels the same way but life sucks sometimes and you suck it up and do your best to make it suck less. In this case that means visiting twice in a three month period and being their to support him during an insanely difficult time.

Just ARRRGGGHHHHHH

I am going to drink more tea now...

Oof! Good luck to your husband, his Dad, you, and the rest of the family.

[Blossom]

Originally Posted by ProfCrash

OK, so someone explain to me how it is my loving husband, and he is a great, loving husband, is still trying to convince me that I do not need to go with him when he goes to donate bone marrow for his fathers bone marrow transplant. We are on round three of this conversation.

It is a surgical procedure that requires he be knocked out and stay in the hospital for at least one day. Why the hell am I explaining why I will be there for a third time?

My parents are coming out to watch the Little Man so that I can travel with my Husband. I get that it seems like a lot of coordination but this is not something trivial. He is having surgery, his father is going to be in an isolation ward waiting for the bone marrow, his mother is going to be stressing over his father and her son. To me it makes sense that I would be there because, well, it is surgery and it removes some of my MILs stress. If I am there she will still worry about her son but she knows that someone is there for him so she can focus on her husband.

My parents are able to come out and watch the Little Man. We have friends who are near by and will lend a hand. I might ask them come and pick him up for day care so my Dad doesn't have to worry about that. Little man gets to spend four days with his grandparents, who he loves.

To top it all off, I am not a total basket case worrying about surgery, recovery and my FIL 1,000 miles away.

And yes I have said all of this to my Husband. Three different times we have had this conversation.

Just blowing off some steam because I know he is worried and that this all sucks awfully for him and he wants to make my life as easy as possible but I am sick of having the same conversation and having to explain everything to him. He has flat out said he wants me there but he doesn't want to inconvenience people.

I am guessing that his Dad feels the same way but life sucks sometimes and you suck it up and do your best to make it suck less. In this case that means visiting twice in a three month period and being their to support him during an insanely difficult time.

Just ARRRGGGHHHHHH

I am going to drink more tea now...

If it was my husband. Nothing would keep me away. You need to be there just in case something goes wrong. You are the one who has to make the decisions. You're his wife.

I was there for my husband during his outpatient hernia surgery. Longest two hours of my life. I had to make decisions and be debrief while hubby was out. When they wheeled him out he looked like a ghost he was sooooo pale. That image is burned in my head forever. We had the most wonderful cab driver. Dwayne. He helped me get him in the cab. He refused to take any money for fare. He waited thirty minutes at Walgreens while I got Hubby's meds. Wonderful man. He was from New Orleans.

Bottom line is you need to be there. To make sure he is getting the best of care and no mistakes are made.You need to be there for your MIL as well in case something goes wrong. She is going to need hand holding. Waiting alone sucks. Just tell him you are going and that's the end of it and if it was you in his place you hope he would do the same.


Sent from my Nexus 7

[WT Sharpe]

Originally Posted by ProfCrash

OK, so someone explain to me how it is my loving husband, and he is a great, loving husband, is still trying to convince me that I do not need to go with him when he goes to donate bone marrow for his fathers bone marrow transplant. We are on round three of this conversation.

It is a surgical procedure that requires he be knocked out and stay in the hospital for at least one day. Why the hell am I explaining why I will be there for a third time?

My parents are coming out to watch the Little Man so that I can travel with my Husband. I get that it seems like a lot of coordination but this is not something trivial. He is having surgery, his father is going to be in an isolation ward waiting for the bone marrow, his mother is going to be stressing over his father and her son. To me it makes sense that I would be there because, well, it is surgery and it removes some of my MILs stress. If I am there she will still worry about her son but she knows that someone is there for him so she can focus on her husband.

My parents are able to come out and watch the Little Man. We have friends who are near by and will lend a hand. I might ask them come and pick him up for day care so my Dad doesn't have to worry about that. Little man gets to spend four days with his grandparents, who he loves.

To top it all off, I am not a total basket case worrying about surgery, recovery and my FIL 1,000 miles away.

And yes I have said all of this to my Husband. Three different times we have had this conversation.

Just blowing off some steam because I know he is worried and that this all sucks awfully for him and he wants to make my life as easy as possible but I am sick of having the same conversation and having to explain everything to him. He has flat out said he wants me there but he doesn't want to inconvenience people.

I am guessing that his Dad feels the same way but life sucks sometimes and you suck it up and do your best to make it suck less. In this case that means visiting twice in a three month period and being their to support him during an insanely difficult time.

Just ARRRGGGHHHHHH

I am going to drink more tea now...

I see I have company. I'll be doing the same thing for my daughter, but the procedure hasn't yet been scheduled. She's still waiting on a clean biopsy.

[CRussel]

@ProfCrash: -- it's a "guy thing". Stupid, counterproductive, and annoying, like most guy things. "he doesn't want to be an inconvenience". It would be a LOT more inconvenient if something happened and you need to arrange for Little Man and hit the road in a hurry. Plus hospital patients are MUCH better served if they have an advocate with them. Surgery patients are not in a condition to fend for themselves, and can't adequately express problems.

Vent here. Best you can do. And be there for him.

[Blossom]

Originally Posted by CRussel

@ProfCrash: -- it's a "guy thing". Stupid, counterproductive, and annoying, like most guy things. "he doesn't want to be an inconvenience". It would be a LOT more inconvenient if something happened and you need to arrange for Little Man and hit the road in a hurry. Plus hospital patients are MUCH better served if they have an advocate with them. Surgery patients are not in a condition to fend for themselves, and can't adequately express problems.

Vent here. Best you can do. And be there for him.

I totally agree that you get better care if you have someone with you. I can't tell the number of times we had to track down someone because it was time for meds and my sister or mother had been waiting a very long time. Unfortunately hospitals are forever understaff.

Since we moved here last year my sister has been hospitalized three times and my mother twice. I feel like an expert on hospital care.

My husband is the opposite he wouldn't go through anything without me being there holding his hand. He's a mama's boy. I find it adorable though....well most of the time. lol

Sent from my Nexus 7

[ProfCrash]

Thanks all. I know I have to be there, I have known since the word go, but trying to convince him is silly. I think I just need to buy the damn plane tickets and be done with it.

[CRussel]

Yup. That's EXACTLY what to do. Don't continue to discuss, just do it.

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by Blossom

That's how it is here. I have no say on anything. My word isn't accepted. I am told how to live my life, what to eat, how to dress, what to do, what to buy. My mom and sister are manipulative busybodies. I'm constantly ask questions that are none of their business. I'm never asked what I want I just have stuff thrust at me then they get upset when I tell them I don't want it.

Of course I don't know how strong you are with regard to saying 'no' to people, even if they are family or friends. Probably you aren't too good (or you wouldn't write a post like this), but I'm a grandmaster at it.

I'm very flexible, and I accept quite a lot from a lot of people (family, friends and even strangers), I don't easily get upset or angered. Most of the time, I actually come across as a push-over, and people have told me in the past that 'I should be more assertive.' I don't; I'm just extremely tolerant.

However, if I draw a line in the sand and I tell you not to cross it, you better don't. If you do... bad things will happen.

You can't sidetracked them either when they are interrogating something hubby doesn't understand. You can't change the subject with them they are like a dog going after a meaty bone. It was like this when I left home 15 years ago. Manipulative, emotional abuse. Only then I was stuck living with them and it was much much worse. Now I live 30 minutes from them. I had hoped things would change coming back but it hasn't. Mom calls everyday sometimes several. If I don't answer she freaks thinking something is wrong and then my sister calls over and over till I answer.

If I were you, I would tell them to stop it, and I mean *right now*. I would go as far as telling them you'd move to a different part of the country, change your phone number, and never ever contact them again, and not tell them were you are.

I'm not bluffing. I mean it, I would say that, and I'd actually *DO* it.

The only thing I can control is not going anywhere with them unless it's absolutely necessary. I swore I'd never come back here to this mess. Now here I am and poor hubby right in the middle of it.

The only thing I can say is that in your case, I'd have a talk with your husband and seriously consider cutting all ties with said family members; even if they're your mother and sister. I would, but I can understand that not everybody can be that rational. It's a "it's still family / mother / a sister..." thought that prevents it for many people.

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by ProfCrash

He has flat out said he wants me there but he doesn't want to inconvenience people.

Well, then you can tell him that it would be highly inconvenient to you and your MIL if you were NOT there.

I wish you luck with your husband's and FIL's surgery.

[wodin]

Duck and cover! Matthew's comin'. Or better yet, get the h#!! out of there!

I have family in both Florida and Virginia Beach, I'll be watching this one closely.

[Blossom]

Originally Posted by Katsunami

Of course I don't know how strong you are with regard to saying 'no' to people, even if they are family or friends. Probably you aren't too good (or you wouldn't write a post like this), but I'm a grandmaster at it.

I'm very flexible, and I accept quite a lot from a lot of people (family, friends and even strangers), I don't easily get upset or angered. Most of the time, I actually come across as a push-over, and people have told me in the past that 'I should be more assertive.' I don't; I'm just extremely tolerant.

However, if I draw a line in the sand and I tell you not to cross it, you better don't. If you do... bad things will happen.



If I were you, I would tell them to stop it, and I mean *right now*. I would go as far as telling them you'd move to a different part of the country, change your phone number, and never ever contact them again, and not tell them were you are.

I'm not bluffing. I mean it, I would say that, and I'd actually *DO* it.



The only thing I can say is that in your case, I'd have a talk with your husband and seriously consider cutting all ties with said family members; even if they're your mother and sister. I would, but I can understand that not everybody can be that rational. It's a "it's still family / mother / a sister..." thought that prevents it for many people.

You can't do that when you have to rely on them. I don't drive and they have help many times and still are financially. It's frustrating but right now I have to endure it. They are the most generous people but yes it comes with lots of ties. I really shouldn't complain but it does get frustrating at times.

Hubby is just starting to work. He's also going to try a weekend job making pizza.

Sent from my XT1528

[poohbear_nc]

Originally Posted by wodin

Duck and cover! Matthew's comin'. Or better yet, get the h#!! out of there!

I have family in both Florida and Virginia Beach, I'll be watching this one closely.

Started our hurricane preparation today -- bottled water, food that doesn't need to be cooked, cat litter, cat food ..... sigh ...

[Blossom]

So I take 40MG of Nexium OTC a day. That's two 20MG pills in the morning for severe GERD.

This last box I bought there must be something wrong with it because after the third dose I'm been in excruciating pain! I noticed the first day it seemed to wear off sooner the second I had mild GERD so I took a Pepcid 20MG which is what I do for flare ups. Today I took the third dose and ate what I always eat and within an hour I was in pain. I'm convinced it's defective and if so I've been off it for three days which is why I feel horrible. I got pain radiating from the middle of my back to everywhere. It's been two years since I started taking it constantly that I've felt like this. I'd forgotten what it felt like. The Lot # BAPH is on this batch.

Mom is bringing a week's supply but it take four days to take effect once you've been off it. I know this because before it was available over the counter my insurance would only pay for a three month supply so it would be three months on and three months off. I would take Zegrid OTC during the off season but it didn't help as much. I was so happy when Nexium became available over the counter I've been on it constantly and return to eating normal after five years of the three month on and three months off and eating like a bird.

Now I've had this reminder of what it's like. I hope it's only a bad batch. GERD is horrible!



Sent from my XT1528

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by CRussel

@ProfCrash: -- it's a "guy thing". Stupid, counterproductive, and annoying, like most guy things. "he doesn't want to be an inconvenience". It would be a LOT more inconvenient if something happened and you need to arrange for Little Man and hit the road in a hurry. Plus hospital patients are MUCH better served if they have an advocate with them. Surgery patients are not in a condition to fend for themselves, and can't adequately express problems.

Vent here. Best you can do. And be there for him.

No, no. It's not a guy thing. Not ONLY.

I'm the same way. I absolutely, positively forbade my family members from visiting me during my last surgery. ABSOLUTELY. It's absurd. NOBODY wants to be visited in the damn hospital.

My spouse had to be there, only because they were doing something and checking something (biopsy on some tissue), and it was quite possible that a decision may have been needed, about, well, something. (I know...).

Otherwise, I would have told him not to come until it was time to pick me up, also. In fact, the moment I was fairly compos mentis (no cracks, guys) in the recovery room, I sent him home. I can't ABIDE family members struggling to find stuff to say, yadda, in a hospital. Plus, I usually want to sleep and just feel drowsy and all that, not trying to stay awake and worrying about whether or not I look like my Banshee sisters will be arriving momentarily.

If you will be making life/death decisions, or deciding if procedure X is to be done "while they're in there," that's one thing. Otherwise, I'm with the "don't come with" group.

Hitch

[cromag]

Originally Posted by wodin

Duck and cover! Matthew's comin'. Or better yet, get the h#!! out of there!

I have family in both Florida and Virginia Beach, I'll be watching this one closely.

Originally Posted by poohbear_nc

Started our hurricane preparation today -- bottled water, food that doesn't need to be cooked, cat litter, cat food ..... sigh ...

Yeah, about half the projections have Matthew coming right up the coast to us. I'm literally having a dead tree taken down tomorrow morning to avoid the chance of it coming down over the weekend. I'll do some shopping for provisions on Thursday.

Back when Sandy hit almost all of the projections had it staying out to sea -- but the "Euro" model predicted it would intensify and make a "left hook" right into us. Last I saw, the "Euro" model was still predicting Matthew will stay out to sea. I'm hoping it's right, again.