The Vent and Rant Thread

[DMcCunney]

Originally Posted by Blossom

Dennis you are right. This hasn't been good for me. I've never been more stressed out and it's taken a toll on my health, mentally and physically. I'm tired of being made a villain due to uneducated people that my family is. Hubby I can understand where he is coming from but the others have no excuse. I've spent the last ten months dealing with her sick and it's been really bad the last four months to where I've had to hold constant vigils. I can't remember the last time I had more than four hours of uninterrupted sleep. It's been months. I pray today Maisy and I both find the peace we both need.

At least hubby has finally faced up to it and agreed with you. The rest of the family is another matter.

A late friend once commented "You can't divorce relatives!" In his case, the problem was his mother, who suffered from clinical paranoia, and would pull artfully staged "You're all against me!" demonstrations on he and his father.

He was a serving military officer who retired as a Lt. Colonel, and had never married. No one was quite sure what his sexuality was, and he was circumspect about it. I simply assumed his mother set a bad example for what to expect in marriage to a woman, and didn't especially blame him for avoiding it. Some time after he retired from the military, he did eventually wind up in a relationship with another man. No surprise he was circumspect about that earlier, either. Being identified as homosexual in the military was not good for your career prospects as an officer. (He retired when he did because he considered his chances of promotion to full colonel very slim - he was a technical specialist and there simply wasn't a slot to promote him into.)

Once he was no longer a serving officer he could afford to be less circumspect, and I was pleased that he was finally able to have a relationship.

My mother and father are long gone, and I was an only child, so I'm not faced with your issues. You can divorce relatives, but in my case, it happened in my paternal grandfather's time. Grandad married out of the faith, and was promptly disinherited by great granddad, so there's another branch of the family back in Philadelphia I don't know at all, beacue I'm from the black sheep side of the clan.
______
Dennis

[Hitch]

Originally Posted by Blossom

Thank you everyone again for your comments. Maisy is no longer with us. I bawled my eyes out. I feel guilty but deep down know I did the right thing. Right now I'm giving Sweetpea lots of hugs and cuddles.

Sent from my XT1528

Oh, Blossom:

You've done the right thing. You know it. Give yourself a few days to bawl, and once that's starting to pass, you'll know it in your bones. I'm sorry for your loss.

Hitch

[Hemmi]

Blossom, so sorry to hear of Maisy's passing. I've lost my own fur babies, always the hardest thing to go thru but she's no longer suffering. I know that's not much comfort now but it will be.

[WT Sharpe]

Originally Posted by Blossom

Thank you everyone again for your comments. Maisy is no longer with us. I bawled my eyes out. I feel guilty but deep down know I did the right thing. Right now I'm giving Sweetpea lots of hugs and cuddles.

Sent from my XT1528

You were able to give her a few more quality days she wouldn't have had otherwise. That's something. Hugs to you and your husband.

[poohbear_nc]

Originally Posted by Hitch

Oh, Blossom:

You've done the right thing. You know it. Give yourself a few days to bawl, and once that's starting to pass, you'll know it in your bones. I'm sorry for your loss.

Hitch

It hurts like hell to make the decision -- cherish the memories of the happy times...

[Blossom]

Thank you. Hubby is a wreck. He loved her so much. I'm being the strong one helping him through it.

Sent from my XT1528

[cromag]

Originally Posted by Blossom

Thank you everyone again for your comments. Maisy is no longer with us. I bawled my eyes out. I feel guilty but deep down know I did the right thing.
...

You did.

Sorry for your loss. I've been there, too.

[cromag]

Originally Posted by DMcCunney

...
A chap I corresponded with elsewhere lives in upstate NY in an area where there are three different tax jurisdictions around him. He plans his shopping trips based on what taxes get charged where. When I suggested that when you counted in his time, the extra length of the shopping trips, and gas mileage and wear and tear on the car, it arguably cost him more overall that just going nearby would, he agreed. But he just didn't like taxes and would spend the extra time and money to avoid them.
______
Dennis

Gasoline tax.

[CRussel]

Originally Posted by Blossom

Thank you. Hubby is a wreck. He loved her so much. I'm being the strong one helping him through it.

Sent from my XT1528

It's hard to be the strong one, too. Oh, heck. It's just plain HARD.

Love and hugs.

[Toxaris]

It will hurt less with time, but it will always hurt. We have lost two dogs in the past. One was really old and had multiple brain hemorrhages. He knew something was wrong, but not what of course. His functions would just shut down one by one. On the advice of the vet we decided to let him go. It originally was the dog of my wife who saved him from his previous owner that would beat him up with the vacuum cleaner and other things. He lost several of his teeth to that. At least we were able to give him 8 good years, it was a very sweet dog and I never heard him bark or growl once which is a miracle if you know what he went through during his first 8 years...

The other was also old and ran under a car (which stopped and immediately drove away). There was not much visible damage, but he couldn't stand anymore. As this was of course after office hours we went to the emergency vet. She couldn't really tell much, but suspected that his leg was broken. We needed to come back the next day and she gave us some painkillers. He was a sorry mess of a dog in his basket and whimpered all the time. The next day we went back asap and she did some x-rays. The damage was substantial to the leg and ribs. She thought he might survive, but she was not sure considering his age. After deliberation we decided to let him sleep, he was clearly in a lot of pain and probably would be the rest of his life.
Later that day the vet called us again. She had decided to open him up and look inside We had agreed to that, as it might help other dogs in the future to asses internal damages. She said that if we had went through with the operation, she would not have done it anyway but would have let him slip away. The damage that did not show on the X-ray was substantial, his intestines were a heavy punctured mess. Although we made the right call, we still feel guilty for having him spent his last night in pain, even if we couldn't have known. There was hardly any exterior damage, only a small gash.

We still remember them very well of course...

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by Blossom

Hubby is allergic to animal fur and feces. This is why he had never had to deal with a lose of a pet. I am also allergic to cat urine and feces. I was just too stubborn as young person to admit it. Now I'm older I realize the allergies have gotten to the point I'm constantly dealing with sinus issues.

And you still have cats? Wow.

Originally Posted by Blossom

Thank you everyone again for your comments. Maisy is no longer with us. I bawled my eyes out. I feel guilty but deep down know I did the right thing. Right now I'm giving Sweetpea lots of hugs and cuddles.

Condolences.

My mom had the same with a 15 year old dog a few years ago. The dog degraded from healthy (but slow from age) to a wreck within a year, struggling to get in and out of her basket. She even completely demented and became highly unreliable, snapping at people and children when being taken for a walk. (She had been *very* child-friendly during her lifetime.)

She was put down as well. That's hard, but there's no point risking that the dog *does* actually manage bite and mangle a child... and because of all the other physical and mental issues, there wasn't even a point in keeping it alive anymore.

That's as it goes.

[Katsunami]

Originally Posted by Blossom

I'm fighting with my sister to give me a ride. She's on Hubby's side.

That's ridiculous of her. This isn't her decision.

She should or shouldn't drive you to the vet, or not, based on *YOU* making that request. The cat shouldn't be a deciding factor for her. (edit: that sentence was really %%^@^. Fixed.)

IMHO.

Sis isn't the brightest ... This is what I have to deal with.

That's bad. A cat is not a human. Therefore it isn't guaranteed that medicine that does X for humans, will do X for cats. You were right not to give it to her.

[ProfCrash]

OK, so someone explain to me how it is my loving husband, and he is a great, loving husband, is still trying to convince me that I do not need to go with him when he goes to donate bone marrow for his fathers bone marrow transplant. We are on round three of this conversation.

It is a surgical procedure that requires he be knocked out and stay in the hospital for at least one day. Why the hell am I explaining why I will be there for a third time?

My parents are coming out to watch the Little Man so that I can travel with my Husband. I get that it seems like a lot of coordination but this is not something trivial. He is having surgery, his father is going to be in an isolation ward waiting for the bone marrow, his mother is going to be stressing over his father and her son. To me it makes sense that I would be there because, well, it is surgery and it removes some of my MILs stress. If I am there she will still worry about her son but she knows that someone is there for him so she can focus on her husband.

My parents are able to come out and watch the Little Man. We have friends who are near by and will lend a hand. I might ask them come and pick him up for day care so my Dad doesn't have to worry about that. Little man gets to spend four days with his grandparents, who he loves.

To top it all off, I am not a total basket case worrying about surgery, recovery and my FIL 1,000 miles away.

And yes I have said all of this to my Husband. Three different times we have had this conversation.

Just blowing off some steam because I know he is worried and that this all sucks awfully for him and he wants to make my life as easy as possible but I am sick of having the same conversation and having to explain everything to him. He has flat out said he wants me there but he doesn't want to inconvenience people.

I am guessing that his Dad feels the same way but life sucks sometimes and you suck it up and do your best to make it suck less. In this case that means visiting twice in a three month period and being their to support him during an insanely difficult time.

Just ARRRGGGHHHHHH

I am going to drink more tea now...

[Blossom]

Originally Posted by Katsunami

That's ridiculous of her. This isn't her decision.

She should or shouldn't drive you to the vet, based if she wants to agree or refuse to the request, based on *YOU* making it. The cat shouldn't be a deciding factor for her.

IMHO.



That's bad. A cat is not a human. Therefore it isn't guaranteed that medicine that does X for humans, will do X for cats. You were right not to give it to her.

That's how it is here. I have no say on anything. My word isn't accepted. I am told how to live my life, what to eat, how to dress, what to do, what to buy. My mom and sister are manipulative busybodies. I'm constantly ask questions that are none of their business. I'm never asked what I want I just have stuff thrust at me then they get upset when I tell them I don't want it. You can't sidetracked them either when they are interrogating something hubby doesn't understand. You can't change the subject with them they are like a dog going after a meaty bone. It was like this when I left home 15 years ago. Manipulative, emotional abuse. Only then I was stuck living with them and it was much much worse. Now I live 30 minutes from them. I had hoped things would change coming back but it hasn't. Mom calls everyday sometimes several. If I don't answer she freaks thinking something is wrong and then my sister calls over and over till I answer. The only thing I can control is not going anywhere with them unless it's absolutely necessary. I swore I'd never come back here to this mess. Now here I am and poor hubby right in the middle of it.

Sent from my Nexus 7

[Blossom]

Originally Posted by CRussel

It's hard to be the strong one, too. Oh, heck. It's just plain HARD.

Love and hugs.

Thank you. He cried all night. Refused to let me comfort him. He finally fell asleep and was in a bad mood this morning running late for work. I know it will get easier as time goes by.

Sent from my Nexus 7