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Old 04-13-2011, 11:13 AM   #2761
GeoffC
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Originally Posted by MJK2111 View Post
Do it! I DARE you! I DOUBLE-DARE you!

Don't be a coward!

If you don't tell us ALL your sheep jokes, you will be forced to listen to ABBA music 24 hours a day!

and your point being ....
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Old 04-13-2011, 11:23 AM   #2762
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ABBA is only slightly less nauseating than The Monkeys and god forbid the Beatles :P
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Old 04-13-2011, 12:32 PM   #2763
MJK2111
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ABBA is only slightly less nauseating than The Monkeys and god forbid the Beatles :P
+1, Mortis
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Old 04-13-2011, 01:43 PM   #2764
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You guys are about to get banned!

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Old 04-13-2011, 01:48 PM   #2765
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Originally Posted by nohmi2 View Post
@orlok. I called my hubby to read your joke, and after he finished laughing he said that he's going to tell it to his golfing buddies this afternoon.

Cheers.
Glad he liked it .

Here is today's effort:

A woman was looking for a Xmas present for her husband but she told the assistant he'd got everything and didn't know what to get him.

The assistant said that he had the very thing and brought out a box with a huge frog in it. This is an incredible, he said, it gives fantastic blow jobs.

The woman thought it was a great idea and on Christmas day duly gave her husband the present. He looked a bit surprised, but after lunch went up stairs clutching the box.

The wife thought that this was fantastic as she could snooze all afternoon. She was woken a few hours later, however, by loud crashes and bangs in the kitchen.

She went downstairs and there was her husband with all the pots and pans out and the frog sitting by the stove.

"What are you doing?", she asked.

"If I can teach the bloody frog to cook, you're out-a-here".
Last edited by orlok; 04-13-2011 at 02:14 PM.
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Old 04-13-2011, 02:17 PM   #2766
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Originally Posted by Mortis View Post
Falkland's war

Why did the Brits bring back so many sheep from the Falkland Islands?

War brides
I take offence at this remark. It is a well known statistic that less than 25% of Brits are partial to a bit of sheep sh*gging, yet we all get tarred with the same brush!
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Old 04-13-2011, 02:19 PM   #2767
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mortis View Post
ABBA is only slightly less nauseating than The Monkeys and god forbid the Beatles :P
The Beatles were remarkable.
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Old 04-13-2011, 02:22 PM   #2768
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Originally Posted by kennyc View Post
You guys are about to get banned!

I'm going to have to check the guidelines, but I do believe that comparing the Beatles to the Monkees and ABBA is a ban-able offense.
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Old 04-13-2011, 02:32 PM   #2769
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Originally Posted by WT Sharpe View Post
I'm going to have to check the guidelines, but I do believe that comparing the Beatles to the Monkees and ABBA is a ban-able offense.
I agree that it is... banning wand coming out... (wait that didn't sound good).

BOb
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Old 04-13-2011, 02:46 PM   #2770
kennyc
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I'm going to have to check the guidelines, but I do believe that comparing the Beatles to the Monkees and ABBA is a ban-able offense.
Thought so!
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:40 PM   #2771
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How many literary agents does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They think it's a great bulb and they love the way it glows, but they feel it isn't quite dark enough for that particular wattage.
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Old 04-13-2011, 03:42 PM   #2772
MJK2111
FUBAR!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WT Sharpe View Post
I'm going to have to check the guidelines, but I do believe that comparing the Beatles to the Monkees and ABBA is a ban-able offense.
I agree completely. The above comparison is a HUGE insult to both ABBA and the Monkees.
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Old 04-13-2011, 04:25 PM   #2773
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How many literary editors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But wouldn't a bayonet fitting be better?
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Old 04-13-2011, 04:39 PM   #2774
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How many publishers does it take to change a light bulb?

Um... Well, I'm sure we can fit it in sometime soon. Next week maybe? Why don't you speak to my secretary? What was your name again?
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Old 04-13-2011, 04:53 PM   #2775
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MartinC View Post
How many publishers does it take to change a light bulb?

Um... Well, I'm sure we can fit it in sometime soon. Next week maybe? Why don't you speak to my secretary? What was your name again?
There are lots more:

Q: How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Does it have to be a lightbulb?

Q. How many editors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Only one; but first they have to rewire the entire building.

Q. How many managing editors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. You were supposed to have changed that lightbulb last week!

Q. How many cover artists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Why is there...an eggbeater, I think?...sticking out of this light fixture?

Q. How many copyeditors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. The last time this question was asked, it involved art directors. Is the difference intentional? Should one or the other instance be changed? It seems inconsistent.

Q. How many proofreaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Proofreaders aren't supposed to change lightbulbs. They should just query them.

Q. How many marketing directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. It isn't too late to make this neon instead, is it?

Q. How many sales directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. (pause) I get it! This is one of those lightbulb jokes, right?

Q. How many agents does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but he keeps 15% of the light put out by the bulb over its lifetime.

Q. How many writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. But why do we have to CHANGE it?

Q. How many publishers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Three. One to screw it in, two to hold down the author.

Q: How many Production people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One.

Q: How many Production people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Damn it! I can't believe they're changing the freakin' lightbulb AGAIN!!!
______
Dennis
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