Silliness Terrible Jokes - Page 18

DNSB · 10-28-2023, 01:20 AM

A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.

The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.

Spoiler:

j.p.s · 11-17-2023, 01:46 PM

vi has two modes, beep mode, and I forget what the other one is.

DNSB · 11-17-2023, 09:24 PM

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

Comfy.n · 11-17-2023, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DNSB

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

that one reminded me of another waiter:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bad_fa...=vector#Sartre

DNSB · 11-17-2023, 09:49 PM

Dean speaking to the physics department. "Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."

DNSB · 11-20-2023, 09:17 PM

An atheist was seated next to a dusty old cowboy on an airplane and he turned to him and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The old cowboy, who had just started to read his book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

“Okay,” he said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist, visibly surprised by the old cowboy's intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the cowboy replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven, and Hell, or life after death when you don’t know crap?”

ownedbycats · 11-21-2023, 04:39 AM

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

DNSB · 11-21-2023, 05:58 AM

A new employee is leaving at the end of his first day and sees the big boss standing by a paper shredder with a confused look on her face. The boss looks at the new guy and asks, “Do you know how to use this? This document has a lot of important confidential data on it.”
“Why yes I do,” replies the eager young man as he takes the paper from his boss, turns on the machine, and starts feeding the paper in.
“Great,” says the boss, “I need three copies.”

DNSB · 11-21-2023, 06:01 AM

Why are blonde jokes so short?

So men can remember them.

afv011 · 12-04-2023, 01:13 AM

Why do astronauts use Linux?

They can't open Windows in space.

DNSB · 12-04-2023, 02:47 PM

My daughter woke me around 11:45 last night.

"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve.

"Guess how old I'm going to be next month?"

"I don't know, beauty," I said as I slipped on my glasses. "How old?"

She smiled and held up four fingers.

It's 7:30 now. My spouse and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.

afv011 · 12-04-2023, 07:58 PM

"Hey John, how do you make that cocktail of yours"?

"Well, you see, I add 1/3 rum, 1/3 vodka, 1/3 coke and finally 1/3 lemon juice"

"John, you can only have 3 thirds in a glass"

"Nonsense, it all depends on how big your thirds are!"

DNSB · 12-04-2023, 10:10 PM

I was going to post a time travelling joke, but you guys didn't like it.

ownedbycats · 12-07-2023, 01:46 AM

"What do you do?"
"I race horses."
"Do you win many races?"
"No, the horses are much faster."

DNSB · 12-07-2023, 01:49 AM

How do you make a small fortune out of horses?

Spoiler:

10-28-2023, 01:20 AM	#256
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,343 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning. The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died. Spoiler: She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

12-07-2023, 01:49 AM	#270
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,343 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	How do you make a small fortune out of horses? Spoiler: Start with a large fortune.

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11-17-2023, 01:46 PM	#257
j.p.s Grand Sorcerer Posts: 5,792 Karma: 103362673 Join Date: Apr 2011 Device: pb360	vi has two modes, beep mode, and I forget what the other one is.

11-17-2023, 09:24 PM	#258
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,343 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

11-17-2023, 09:49 PM	#260
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,343 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Dean speaking to the physics department. "Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."

11-20-2023, 09:17 PM	#261
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,343 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	An atheist was seated next to a dusty old cowboy on an airplane and he turned to him and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.” The old cowboy, who had just started to read his book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?” “Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly. “Okay,” he said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?” The atheist, visibly surprised by the old cowboy's intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.” To which the cowboy replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven, and Hell, or life after death when you don’t know crap?”

11-21-2023, 04:39 AM	#262
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 10,998 Karma: 75337983 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

11-21-2023, 05:58 AM	#263
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,343 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A new employee is leaving at the end of his first day and sees the big boss standing by a paper shredder with a confused look on her face. The boss looks at the new guy and asks, “Do you know how to use this? This document has a lot of important confidential data on it.” “Why yes I do,” replies the eager young man as he takes the paper from his boss, turns on the machine, and starts feeding the paper in. “Great,” says the boss, “I need three copies.”

11-21-2023, 06:01 AM	#264
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,343 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.

12-04-2023, 01:13 AM	#265
afv011 Captain Penguin Posts: 2,965 Karma: 2079999999 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Seattle, WA Device: Kobo Clara BW, Kobo Libra 2, Nook Glowlight	Why do astronauts use Linux? They can't open Windows in space.

12-04-2023, 02:47 PM	#266
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,343 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	My daughter woke me around 11:45 last night. "Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. "Guess how old I'm going to be next month?" "I don't know, beauty," I said as I slipped on my glasses. "How old?" She smiled and held up four fingers. It's 7:30 now. My spouse and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.

12-04-2023, 07:58 PM	#267
afv011 Captain Penguin Posts: 2,965 Karma: 2079999999 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Seattle, WA Device: Kobo Clara BW, Kobo Libra 2, Nook Glowlight	"Hey John, how do you make that cocktail of yours"? "Well, you see, I add 1/3 rum, 1/3 vodka, 1/3 coke and finally 1/3 lemon juice" "John, you can only have 3 thirds in a glass" "Nonsense, it all depends on how big your thirds are!"

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12-04-2023, 10:10 PM	#268
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,343 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	I was going to post a time travelling joke, but you guys didn't like it.

12-07-2023, 01:46 AM	#269
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 10,998 Karma: 75337983 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	"What do you do?" "I race horses." "Do you win many races?" "No, the horses are much faster."