Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 178

Mortis · 03-30-2011, 04:20 AM

Ok, how many of you Googled "Lady Boy Jokes" ?

LCF · 03-30-2011, 05:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pilotbob

A friend of mine has a T-Shirt that says...

Exercise never killed anyone... but why risk it?

BOb

double post

LCF · 03-30-2011, 05:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pilotbob

A friend of mine has a T-Shirt that says...

Exercise never killed anyone... but why risk it?

BOb

Mortis · 03-30-2011, 06:37 AM

Well it fits doesn't it?

orlok · 03-30-2011, 09:41 AM

Apologies to the sensitive among us:

What do you think?

Spoiler:

pilotbob · 03-30-2011, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LCF

double post

huh?

BOb

kennyc · 03-30-2011, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

Apologies to the sensitive among us:

What do you think?

Spoiler:

Mortis · 03-30-2011, 12:17 PM

She always looks like that, he should really see a doctor!

Lycoming · 03-30-2011, 03:16 PM

The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.

The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia.

"Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt.

The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.

The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"

The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."

SAD NEWS - Please join me in remembering YET ANOTHER great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Dough Boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Dough Boy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the Oven. Services were held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

orlok · 03-30-2011, 03:26 PM

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab.

Then, the still shaking driver said, "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle the driver so badly.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault today is my very first day driving a cab.

My last job, which I did for 25 years, was driving a hearse.

Mortis · 03-30-2011, 04:18 PM

Top 10 reasons a gun is favored over a woman
#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

# 9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

# 8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

# 7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

# 6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

# 5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

# 4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

# 3. A gun doesn't ask , 'Do these new grips make me look fat?'

# 2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after handling it.

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....

# 1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN

orlok · 03-30-2011, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mortis

# 1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN

Now you're just asking for trouble.

Mortis · 03-30-2011, 04:27 PM

I know, its a sickness really

Mortis · 03-30-2011, 04:45 PM

Ten Reasons Why Women Love Dating Snipers
10. Never makes a move without orders.

9. He's patient in the bush. Really, really patient.

8. His skill with his tool is second to none.

7. He's always able to scope out your every need.

6. He always stays quiet and out of sight.

5. He'll take you out on a moments notice.

4. He can find your soft spot from a thousand yards out.

3. Two words: Bolt. Action.

2. He knows every field position known to man, many of which are classified "Top Secret".

And the number one reason why women like dating a sniper is:

1. When he finds the right spot, he can stay in that position for hours at a time.

GeoffC · 03-31-2011, 11:31 AM

03-30-2011, 09:41 AM	#2660
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Apologies to the sensitive among us: What do you think? Spoiler: Did Philip f*rt? The look on the Queen's face says it all!

03-30-2011, 03:16 PM	#2664
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. "Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?" The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots." SAD NEWS - Please join me in remembering YET ANOTHER great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Dough Boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Dough Boy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the Oven. Services were held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes. Last edited by Lycoming; 03-30-2011 at 03:19 PM.

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03-30-2011, 04:20 AM	#2656
Mortis Canucklehead in Malaysia Posts: 1,633 Karma: 3127774 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Device: iPhone, Kindle	Ok, how many of you Googled "Lady Boy Jokes" ?

03-30-2011, 06:37 AM	#2659
Mortis Canucklehead in Malaysia Posts: 1,633 Karma: 3127774 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Device: iPhone, Kindle	Well it fits doesn't it?

03-30-2011, 12:17 PM	#2663
Mortis Canucklehead in Malaysia Posts: 1,633 Karma: 3127774 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Device: iPhone, Kindle	She always looks like that, he should really see a doctor!

03-30-2011, 03:26 PM	#2665
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the still shaking driver said, "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me." The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle the driver so badly. The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault today is my very first day driving a cab. My last job, which I did for 25 years, was driving a hearse.

03-30-2011, 04:18 PM	#2666
Mortis Canucklehead in Malaysia Posts: 1,633 Karma: 3127774 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Device: iPhone, Kindle	Top 10 reasons a gun is favored over a woman #10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22. # 9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road. # 8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times. # 7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup. # 6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo. # 5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space. # 4. Guns function normally every day of the month. # 3. A gun doesn't ask , 'Do these new grips make me look fat?' # 2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after handling it. And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman.... # 1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN

03-30-2011, 04:27 PM	#2668
Mortis Canucklehead in Malaysia Posts: 1,633 Karma: 3127774 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Device: iPhone, Kindle	I know, its a sickness really

03-30-2011, 04:45 PM	#2669
Mortis Canucklehead in Malaysia Posts: 1,633 Karma: 3127774 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Device: iPhone, Kindle	Ten Reasons Why Women Love Dating Snipers 10. Never makes a move without orders. 9. He's patient in the bush. Really, really patient. 8. His skill with his tool is second to none. 7. He's always able to scope out your every need. 6. He always stays quiet and out of sight. 5. He'll take you out on a moments notice. 4. He can find your soft spot from a thousand yards out. 3. Two words: Bolt. Action. 2. He knows every field position known to man, many of which are classified "Top Secret". And the number one reason why women like dating a sniper is: 1. When he finds the right spot, he can stay in that position for hours at a time.

03-31-2011, 11:31 AM	#2670
GeoffC Chocolate Grasshopper ... Posts: 27,599 Karma: 20821184 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW