Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 175

James_Wilde · 03-24-2011, 07:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LCF

My name is Kvothe. You may have heard of me.

Fantastic reference! The quote from the book makes me want to read it. But I've been spoiled by too much good stuff at $2.99. I'll wait for the price to come down.

LCF · 03-24-2011, 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James_Wilde

Fantastic reference! The quote from the book makes me want to read it. But I've been spoiled by too much good stuff at $2.99. I'll wait for the price to come down.

It's a great book... but I don't know if it will ever be 2,99

One can always hope

Lycoming · 03-24-2011, 07:38 AM

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford...

"The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

A man and wife go into the dentist's office, the man says doc, I need to be out on the golf course with my buddies at 10am, it's 930am now, can you just get rid of this tooth, it's painful, but being in a hurry I want you to just pull it without novocaine, I can't afford to wait---and the dentist is amazed and says to the guy "I've been a dentist for twenty years and never saw such courage in my entire career! Which tooth is it, sir?" and the guy turns to his wife and says "Honey, open your mouth and show him which tooth is bothering you".

History's top 10 times for appropriate Use of the F-word:

10th - "Scattered f***ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC

9th - "How the f*** did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC

8th - "You want WHAT on the f***ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566

7th - "Where did all those f***ing Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877

6th - "It does so f***ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926

5th - "Where the f*** are we?" – Amelia Earhart, 1937

4th - "Any f***ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938

3rd - "What the f*** was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945

2nd - "I need this parade like I need a f***ing hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963

AND ... Drum roll please ....

The Number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word .......

"Aw c'mon. Who the f*** is gonna find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009

wodin · 03-24-2011, 09:20 PM

A doctor from Israel says: "In Israel the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles, we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."

The German doctor comments: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person, we put it into another person's head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."

A Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person, we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."

The U.S. doctor answers immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us. In the USA we grabbed a person from Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no balls. We made him President of the United States , and now the whole country is looking for work!"

kennyc · 03-24-2011, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wodin

A doctor from Israel says: "In Israel the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles, we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."

The German doctor comments: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person, we put it into another person's head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."

A Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person, we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."

The U.S. doctor answers immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us. In the USA we grabbed a person from Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no balls. We made him President of the United States , and now the whole country is looking for work!"

Oh that is bad!

orlok · 03-25-2011, 04:35 AM

Not funny.

pdurrant · 03-25-2011, 05:05 AM

xkcd: A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math and language

Fuligo septica

wannabee · 03-25-2011, 05:09 AM

Research has shown that the mere physical act of smiling, without actually feeling like it, triggers internal biological reactions that stimulate emotions and contribute to a better mood – in you and others.

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.

kennyc · 03-25-2011, 05:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pdurrant

xkcd: A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math and language

Fuligo septica

And in that vein (yesterday's):

wodin · 03-25-2011, 07:13 PM

Never mind!

kennyc · 03-25-2011, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wodin

Never mind!

Hee-hee

desertblues · 03-25-2011, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

Hee-hee

I read it...

.

wodin · 03-25-2011, 07:40 PM

_____

Da devil made me say it!

Mortis · 03-25-2011, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wodin

_____

Da devil made me say it!

Why do I feel as though i missed something good, sigh story of my life!

kennyc · 03-25-2011, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wodin

_____

Da devil made me say it!

The devil or maybe smaug?

03-24-2011, 07:38 AM	#2613
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford... "The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake." A man and wife go into the dentist's office, the man says doc, I need to be out on the golf course with my buddies at 10am, it's 930am now, can you just get rid of this tooth, it's painful, but being in a hurry I want you to just pull it without novocaine, I can't afford to wait---and the dentist is amazed and says to the guy "I've been a dentist for twenty years and never saw such courage in my entire career! Which tooth is it, sir?" and the guy turns to his wife and says "Honey, open your mouth and show him which tooth is bothering you". History's top 10 times for appropriate Use of the F-word: 10th - "Scattered f*ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC 9th - "How the f* did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC 8th - "You want WHAT on the f*ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566 7th - "Where did all those fing Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877 6th - "It does so fing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926 5th - "Where the f* are we?" – Amelia Earhart, 1937 4th - "Any f*ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938 3rd - "What the f* was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945 2nd - "I need this parade like I need a f*ing hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963 AND ... Drum roll please .... The Number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word ....... "Aw c'mon. Who the f* is gonna find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009 Last edited by Lycoming; 03-24-2011 at 07:41 AM.

03-25-2011, 07:13 PM	#2620
wodin Illiterate Posts: 10,279 Karma: 37848716 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: The Sandwich Isles Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro	Never mind! Last edited by wodin; 03-25-2011 at 07:17 PM.

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03-24-2011, 09:20 PM	#2614
wodin Illiterate Posts: 10,279 Karma: 37848716 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: The Sandwich Isles Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro	A doctor from Israel says: "In Israel the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles, we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work." The German doctor comments: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person, we put it into another person's head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work." A Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person, we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work." The U.S. doctor answers immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us. In the USA we grabbed a person from Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no balls. We made him President of the United States , and now the whole country is looking for work!"

03-25-2011, 04:35 AM	#2616
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Not funny.

03-25-2011, 05:05 AM	#2617
pdurrant The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠 Posts: 74,077 Karma: 315558332 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Norfolk, England Device: Kindle Oasis	xkcd: A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math and language Fuligo septica

03-25-2011, 05:09 AM	#2618
wannabee Media Bloke Posts: 2,382 Karma: 113956855 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: NSW - Australia Device: iOS	Research has shown that the mere physical act of smiling, without actually feeling like it, triggers internal biological reactions that stimulate emotions and contribute to a better mood – in you and others. One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.

03-25-2011, 07:40 PM	#2623
wodin Illiterate Posts: 10,279 Karma: 37848716 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: The Sandwich Isles Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro	_____ Da devil made me say it!