Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 172

James_Wilde · 03-10-2011, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

I'm trying to read "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" but it keeps floating away.

I was reading Websters. Not a bad story, but the author explains each word as he goes along. Still it was better than the telephone directory - too many characters and not enough plot.

Format C: · 03-11-2011, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James_Wilde

I was reading Websters. Not a bad story, but the author explains each word as he goes along. Still it was better than the telephone directory - too many characters and not enough plot.

I've read a parallel text edition, but every single word was in English and in Italian, and the flow of the story was a little bit affected by it....

dwig · 03-11-2011, 07:03 PM

The March 11th "Mother Goose & Grimm"

http://www.grimmy.com/

pdurrant · 03-12-2011, 05:04 AM

I liked the Saturday 12th cartoon:

Mother Goose & Grimm

kennyc · 03-12-2011, 05:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pdurrant

I liked the Saturday 12th cartoon:

Mother Goose & Grimm

LCF · 03-12-2011, 07:13 AM

(Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school’s number.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

Customer: “How much for my daughter?”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “She’s 16. It’s her first time. She needs training.”

Me: “Sir, I think you want the driving school.”

Customer: “Oh, what do you guys do?”

Me: “Adult websites.”

Customer: “Oh…OH! Oh my God!”

pdurrant · 03-13-2011, 05:08 PM

The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella;
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
— Lord Bowen

BeTePoK · 03-16-2011, 07:02 AM

Go to http://kmplease.com/404/ and just LISTEN!

Stitchawl · 03-16-2011, 08:12 PM

How bad is the recession?

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Mortis · 03-17-2011, 05:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

How bad is the recession?
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Love it, I'll remember that as I call my credit card's help line.

TGS · 03-17-2011, 05:35 AM

What's brown and sticky?

Spoiler:

orlok · 03-17-2011, 06:40 AM

OK, another one on the state of the economy:

A son approached his Dad one day and asked, "I don't understand what all this stuff about the government and the economy is. Can you explain it to me?"

The Dad replied, "Well son, it's a bit like our own family. I'm the head of the family, so I'm like the Government. Mum's in charge of our money, so she's like the Finance Ministry. Our au-pair is like the working classes, and your baby brother is like the future of this country."

The son went away to contemplate this. Later that evening he was walking through the house when he spotted his Dad and the au-pair in bed, his Mum asleep in the next room, and his baby brother crying in his cot having filled his nappy. The next day he bumped into his Dad, who asked "Did you think about what we discussed yesterday?"

"Yes", said the son, "from what I have seen in our family, it appears that the Government is screwing the working class, the Finance Minister is asleep on the job, and our future is in deep shit!"

kennyc · 03-17-2011, 06:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

OK, another one on the state of the economy:

A son approached his Dad one day and asked, "I don't understand what all this stuff about the government and the economy is. Can you explain it to me?"

The Dad replied, "Well son, it's a bit like our own family. I'm the head of the family, so I'm like the Government. Mum's in charge of our money, so she's like the Finance Ministry. Our au-pair is like the working classes, and your baby brother is like the future of this country."

The son went away to contemplate this. Later that evening he was walking through the house when he spotted his Dad and the au-pair in bed, his Mum asleep in the next room, and his baby brother crying in his cot having filled his nappy. The next day he bumped into his Dad, who asked "Did you think about what we discussed yesterday?"

"Yes", said the son, "from what I have seen in our family, it appears that the Government is screwing the working class, the Finance Minister is asleep on the job, and our future is in deep shit!"

James_Wilde · 03-20-2011, 07:12 PM

Nothing new for two days, so here's one I've stolen:

A blonde went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor."You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the blonde.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."
The blonde touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried. The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."

James_Wilde · 03-21-2011, 12:30 PM

Well, hell, still no new jokes. So here's another I stole.

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

03-16-2011, 08:12 PM	#2574
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	How bad is the recession? How bad is the recession? I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them. A picture is now only worth 200 words. The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. And, finally... I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

03-17-2011, 05:35 AM	#2576
TGS Country Member Posts: 9,058 Karma: 7676767 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Denmark Device: Liseuse: Irex DR800. PRS 505 in the house, and the missus has an iPad.	What's brown and sticky? Spoiler: A stick

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03-11-2011, 07:03 PM	#2568
dwig Wizard Posts: 1,613 Karma: 6718541 Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Paradise (Key West, FL) Device: Current:Surface Go & Kindle 3 - Retired: DellV8p, Clie UX50, ...	The March 11th "Mother Goose & Grimm" http://www.grimmy.com/

03-12-2011, 05:04 AM	#2569
pdurrant The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠 Posts: 74,077 Karma: 315558332 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Norfolk, England Device: Kindle Oasis	I liked the Saturday 12th cartoon: Mother Goose & Grimm

03-12-2011, 07:13 AM	#2571
LCF Wizard Posts: 1,472 Karma: 9795311 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Germany Device: Hanlin V3 (LBook), GS3	(Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school’s number.) Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?” Customer: “How much for my daughter?” Me: “Um…” Customer: “She’s 16. It’s her first time. She needs training.” Me: “Sir, I think you want the driving school.” Customer: “Oh, what do you guys do?” Me: “Adult websites.” Customer: “Oh…OH! Oh my God!”

03-13-2011, 05:08 PM	#2572
pdurrant The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠 Posts: 74,077 Karma: 315558332 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Norfolk, England Device: Kindle Oasis	The rain it raineth on the just And also on the unjust fella; But chiefly on the just, because The unjust steals the just's umbrella. — Lord Bowen

03-16-2011, 07:02 AM	#2573
BeTePoK Guru Posts: 740 Karma: 12616666 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Republic of Belarus Device: Sony PRS-505	Go to http://kmplease.com/404/ and just LISTEN!

03-17-2011, 06:40 AM	#2577
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	OK, another one on the state of the economy: A son approached his Dad one day and asked, "I don't understand what all this stuff about the government and the economy is. Can you explain it to me?" The Dad replied, "Well son, it's a bit like our own family. I'm the head of the family, so I'm like the Government. Mum's in charge of our money, so she's like the Finance Ministry. Our au-pair is like the working classes, and your baby brother is like the future of this country." The son went away to contemplate this. Later that evening he was walking through the house when he spotted his Dad and the au-pair in bed, his Mum asleep in the next room, and his baby brother crying in his cot having filled his nappy. The next day he bumped into his Dad, who asked "Did you think about what we discussed yesterday?" "Yes", said the son, "from what I have seen in our family, it appears that the Government is screwing the working class, the Finance Minister is asleep on the job, and our future is in deep shit!"

03-20-2011, 07:12 PM	#2579
James_Wilde Guru Posts: 802 Karma: 4727110 Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Sweden Device: Iriver Story	Nothing new for two days, so here's one I've stolen: A blonde went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor."You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the blonde. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The blonde touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried. The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."

03-21-2011, 12:30 PM	#2580
James_Wilde Guru Posts: 802 Karma: 4727110 Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Sweden Device: Iriver Story	Well, hell, still no new jokes. So here's another I stole. Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"