Unutterably Silly Countdown!

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by pshrynk

Well, I'm just rolling on the floor with laughter....

well of course you are, you've got as great a sense of humour as we do !

[happy_terd]

One more day until pshrynk gets more gray.

[GeoffC]

Originally Posted by pshrynk

Well, I'm just rolling on the floor with laughter....

Does your lady wife know ?

[LCF]

Originally Posted by FlorenceArt

Ah, do you remember those "elephant in the fridge" jokes? :sigh:

My favorite elephant jokes:

Why shouldn't you be walking in the desert between 4 and 5 PM?
Because that's the time the elephants are doing their skydiving drills.

Why are crocodiles flat?
They were in the desert between 4 and 5.

The version I know of it:

Why do elephants have big ears?
To flutter from blossom to blossom.

Why shouldn't you be walking in the jungle between 4 and 5 PM?
Because that's the time the elephants are fluttering from blossom to blossom.

Why are crocodiles flat?
They were in the jungle between 4 and 5.

I *love* the slippers addition!

[happy_terd]

[LazyScot]

23

Ah, 23. A number created prime, with all the promise and expectation that that brought with it. It started out well, making a name for itself as a Fortunate number. It was widely used, as in "we all live in number 23". But then, one day, in the early eighteenth century, something went wrong. No one really knows why, but many have suspected that 23 suffered from some rare and unspecified chemical reaction from quaffing slightly too many of the newly popularised coffee and chocolate drinks of the time. Whatever the cause, the net result was some kind of breakdown, and number 23 suddenly declaring itself to be "a yellow submarine"(*). This was doubly worrying to most people, as, although the colour yellow was well-known, a submarine was almost unheard of.

23's fellow primes rallied round, and tried to arrange treatment from the very best number theorists, psychologists and psychiatrists lest the illness become common knowledge, and trigger some kind of run on the Primes (the South Sea Bubble was still fresh in their minds at that point). The primes took it in turns to cover for 23, little realising how long they would need to maintain the pretense. You see, the various experts of the time were not the skilled, caring experts we know today. In fact, several were really just after self-aggrandizement. Initially they had no success at all, but thought they were on the right road, when 23 decided it was a house boat. Sadly, the relief disappeared a few hours later when 23 then announced it had moved up in the world and was now a spaceship orbiting Uranus. Having no idea what Uranus, or a spaceship was, and as most had skived off during Keppler's lessons and so had very little idea about what an orbit was, they decided to attach a large number of leeches to 23 and most headed off to the local coffee shop to argue over the term "Prime Minister" that this Whig Walpole had adopted. The leeches did bring 23 back to earth but unfortunately took it straight underwater, and it returned to being a yellow submarine, whereupon the few experts remaining threw up their hands in dispair and disgust and had it committed to Bedlam.

23 was to remain there for many years; over two centuries in fact. But during its stay it slowly recovered. By that time, all knowledge of its real identity had been forgotten, and even the Primes no longer checked up. When it pipe up and said, I'm Number 23, the staff concluded it was still unstable. Despite this, somehow, 23 retained its sense of identity by performing the most amazing feats of mental arithmetic, including raising 23 to the power of 23, and then performing an integer factorization of the result. Such mental exercises kept it going till one day the number 5 called to visit.

Released a few days later, 23 did not find the adjustment easy. Drugs and attempted brushes with celebrity stardown (it appeared in the Prince song "Gett Off"), dalliances with many odd, under-age numbers (most explosively, 15) and spectacular failed marriages to the colour PINK and a tree called Cloud, nearly returned it to the sanatorium. But somehow 23 stuggled through, and by the start of the twenty-first century it was leading a reasonably normal life-style.

A few years later on, it released its candid autobiography, "A Path More Stony", to great critical and mathematical acclaim. The tale, all reviewers agreed, was both harrowing and uplifting, and has since become mandatory reading for many mathematics and psychiatry courses. Rumour has it that Hollywood is negotiating for the film rights, with some tipping John Hurt to take on the title role.

23, a number that whilst maybe not loved, at least deserves some respect.

(*) This is believed to be the origin of the popular song "We all live in a yellow submarine."

[LazyScot]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

wait, wait, wait !! you can't leave us hanging like that ! you have to come back and tell us : how *does* an elephant ask for two dozen cream buns ???

Why not?

Oh, alright then.

"Can I have two dozen cream buns, please?" (*)

It works slightly better if you place your shoulder and upper arm over your nose and mouth and wave your arm around like a demented flag in a storm.(**)

Well you did ask.

--

(*) Actually, elephants don't need, generally, to say please as they are in a position to not require minor civilities to smooth their requests. However, elephants are, in general, very well brought-up creatures respectful of everyone and all life, so they usually do include please. As a rule, if an elephant asks for something from you, but omits the "please", get worried.

(**) Sadly, not everyone shares my sense of humour. Consequently, the number of people that find this funny is not, quiet, as large as I would like. If you do find someone who laughs at this, please let me know so that I can inform BetterHalf that this number is, definitively, bigger than one. Thank you.

[FlorenceArt]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

(**) Sadly, not everyone shares my sense of humour. Consequently, the number of people that find this funny is not, quiet, as large as I would like. If you do find someone who laughs at this, please let me know so that I can inform BetterHalf that this number is, definitively, bigger than one. Thank you.

Well, I don't know about the other one, but it made me laugh

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

Why not?

Oh, alright then.

"Can I have two dozen cream buns, please?" (*)

It works slightly better if you place your shoulder and upper arm over your nose and mouth and wave your arm around like a demented flag in a storm.(**)

Well you did ask.

--

(*) Actually, elephants don't need, generally, to say please as they are in a position to not require minor civilities to smooth their requests. However, elephants are, in general, very well brought-up creatures respectful of everyone and all life, so they usually do include please. As a rule, if an elephant asks for something from you, but omits the "please", get worried.

(**) Sadly, not everyone shares my sense of humour. Consequently, the number of people that find this funny is not, quiet, as large as I would like. If you do find someone who laughs at this, please let me know so that I can inform BetterHalf that this number is, definitively, bigger than one. Thank you.

(now picturing groucho marx with his shoulder and upper arm over his nose and mouth, waving his arm around like a demented flag in a storm, and asking for cream buns.)

Originally Posted by FlorenceArt

Well, I don't know about the other one, but it made me laugh

count me in two ! (or would i be three ?)

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

23

*snif* that was beautiful, lazyscot. i'll never look at 23 in the same light again. reading the story i felt like i was experiencing the whole thing. i laughed, i cried, it became a part of me. you've changed my life. well, you and 23, i mean.








also : woo hoo !! i gave you karma and now your karma ends in 23 !!! and i didn't even plan that ! in fact it's 45623 which is even more brilliant because it's sequential if you stick the 23 in front but the 23 is at the end to put it in the spotlight it deserves !

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by LCF

The version I know of it:

Why do elephants have big ears?
To flutter from blossom to blossom.

Why shouldn't you be walking in the jungle between 4 and 5 PM?
Because that's the time the elephants are fluttering from blossom to blossom.

Why are crocodiles flat?
They were in the jungle between 4 and 5.

I *love* the slippers addition!

[GeoffC]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

also : woo hoo !! i gave you karma and now your karma ends in 23 !!! and i didn't even plan that ! in fact it's 45623 which is even more brilliant because it's sequential if you stick the 23 in front but the 23 is at the end to put it in the spotlight it deserves !

pffft .. that state of affairs did not last long ....

[LazyScot]

22

I really like 22. 22 is the sort of person you really want to have as a friend and a neighbour. (Personally I suspect this is something of a response to the neighbours 21 and 23). Quiet, unassuming, non-judgemental but always with time for you. You can lean over the fence for a brief chat, or knock on the door and you'll be invited in for tea and some of the amazing, wonderful apple pie a la mode(*), and you can pour out your troubles to a sympathetic shoulder that always, somehow, makes you leave feeling better.

22 is also the sole of discretion, never one to gossip or pass on tittle-tattle. Always willing to keep and eye on things, and if you get into a tight spot, well 22 has a inner core of incredible strength (which explains titanium, whose atomic number is 22).

The best example of this comes for the days when the media was chasing after lurid stories on 23. A pair of them approached 22, sure that it must know some salacious details. They cajoled, they suggested, they got out a huge check, and they even threatend. But 22 was having none of it. In no uncertain terms 22 told the journalists to leave empty handed. If fact, the terms were so not uncertain that the pair left whitened, chastened and in need of therapy which took several weeks. Now, if you've ever met some journalists or overheard their banter with sub-editors, the thought of a few uncertain words leaving them in that state.... well, "impressive" is a good starting point for a description. (Needless to say, they were not offered tea and pie.)

There are those who suspect that this silent inner core means 22 is more than it appears, that it has an important place at the heart of the number system, somewhere between a universal mother figure, guiding light and conscience. Maybe even some kind of leader. Of these rumours, I've no idea, but I'll just take 22 as a good friend. Oh, and if I could have another piece of pie....

(*) Actually, it has often be suggested that 22 and its great friend 7 should get together and set up the "22 by 7 Pie Company" as they both make such near perfect pies; 22 concentrating on sweet pies, with 7 on the savoury ones. And till you've tried 22's apple pie or rhubarb pie you really don't know what comfort food is like. And for the rumours about 22's rhubarb and apple pie....

[FlorenceArt]

:sigh: LazyScot, you tell such wonderful stories!

22 = 2 x 11
'nuff said

[happy_terd]