Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 151

kennyc · 12-25-2010, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pdurrant

Mixin-me-toasties

Boy that's a stretch (for me at least)...

WT Sharpe · 12-25-2010, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pdurrant

Mixin-me-toasties

Thank you!

Now I can laugh!

desertblues · 12-25-2010, 01:40 PM

And I thought it was me, having trouble with the language.....it's the same word in Dutch.

Falcao · 12-26-2010, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

Thank you!

Now I can laugh!

Me too! It's like this old joke:

Q: How many times does a blonde laugh after being told a joke?
A: Three times. One when she hears the joke. Another when the joke is explained to her. And yet another when she finally understands the joke.

P.S. I'm not blond, yet I only laughed after the bunny joke was explained

Another (very old) joke:

- Doctor, doctor, the invisible man is here for his appointment.
- Please tell him I can't see him.

PLOP!

SneakySnake · 12-26-2010, 07:16 PM

OI! I am blond and I understood the joke.

How dare you pick on us! You should really be picking on the bottle blonds. Now they are the ones that are pretty stoopid!

*breath in - breath out!*

Lycoming · 12-27-2010, 07:48 AM

*breath in - breath out!*

How long has she been holding her breath for?

Go on....breath in again......

Lycoming · 12-27-2010, 07:52 AM

There was two feet of snow on the street this morning.

WT Sharpe · 12-27-2010, 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

*breath in - breath out!*

How long has she been holding her breath for?

Go on....breath in again......

SneakySnake, I'm sorry, luv, but

SneakySnake · 12-27-2010, 07:09 PM

I can take it! I did ask for it. I have been receiving jokes and comments about my intelligence (or lack of) my whole life. I did dye my hair brown for a while a couple of years ago to no avail. People still thought I was stupid and the blond roots growing through looked like greys!

Any attention is better than none.

WT Sharpe · 12-27-2010, 07:18 PM

I think it all goes back to the old blonde bombshell Hollywood ideal: Someone so beautiful every man wants her and so dumb every man thinks she may actually have him!

My blonde niece, who is extremely intelligent and witty, is a virtual repository of blonde jokes.

yvanleterrible · 12-27-2010, 08:45 PM

I always thought that true blondes were okay. It's dyed blondes that are not as witty, first for going against their nature... And the gazillion other reasons? Well, were discussing them here...

Season's greetings, everybody!

Lycoming · 12-28-2010, 02:34 PM

Can't help myself................

Three blonde friends died together in a car wreck. They found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was about.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a big holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey."

"Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in."

The second blonde said, "Easter is the holiday that we celebrate Jesus' being born of the virgin and give gifts to each other."

"Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in, either."

The third blonde said, "Well, I know what Easter is all about. Easter is a Christian holiday which coincides with the Jewish Passover. After Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples, He was betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Romans. They crucified Him on a cross. After He died, they buried him in a tomb and put a huge boulder in front of it."

"Very good!" said St. Peter.

The blonde continued. "Now, every year, the Jews roll the stone away and Jesus comes out. If He sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of basketball."

St. Peter fainted!

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.

"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."

From the cabin, a blonde passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"

A blonde guy goes to a football game and finds his place in the bleachers. After a while, someone far behind him yells, "Hey, George."

The blonde gets up and scans the crowd behind him. Not seeing anyone he recognizes, he sits down.

Some time later, someone yells again, "Hey, George."

The blonde gets up again and looks around. Seeing no one he knows, he sits down.

A third time someone yells, "Hey, George."

Finally, the blonde gets up, turns around and yells back, "Knock it off! My names not George!"

WT Sharpe · 12-28-2010, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

Can't help myself................

Three blonde friends died together in a car wreck. They found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was about.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a big holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey."

"Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in."

The second blonde said, "Easter is the holiday that we celebrate Jesus' being born of the virgin and give gifts to each other."

"Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in, either."

The third blonde said, "Well, I know what Easter is all about. Easter is a Christian holiday which coincides with the Jewish Passover. After Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples, He was betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Romans. They crucified Him on a cross. After He died, they buried him in a tomb and put a huge boulder in front of it."

"Very good!" said St. Peter.

The blonde continued. "Now, every year, the Jews roll the stone away and Jesus comes out. If He sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of basketball."

St. Peter fainted!

WT Sharpe · 12-28-2010, 08:20 PM

.....I am glad that the only person whose ratings fell more than mine last year is here tonight. Great to see you, Jay.
.....I’m also glad that I'm speaking first. We've all seen what happens when somebody takes the time slot after Leno's.
..........— President Barack Obama speaking at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner, May 1, 2010.

....

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.......(Click to enlarge)

Javed · 12-29-2010, 04:43 AM

Two snowmen are standing in a meadow. One snowman turns to the other and says, "Do you smell carrots?"
A guy tells his psychiatrist: ‘It was terrible. I was away on business, and I emailed my wife that I’d be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don’t get it. How could she do this to me?" "Well," says the psychiatrist. "Maybe she didn’t see the email."
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

12-28-2010, 08:20 PM	#2264
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	.....I am glad that the only person whose ratings fell more than mine last year is here tonight. Great to see you, Jay. .....I’m also glad that I'm speaking first. We've all seen what happens when somebody takes the time slot after Leno's. ..........— President Barack Obama speaking at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner, May 1, 2010. .... .......(Click to enlarge) Last edited by WT Sharpe; 12-29-2010 at 07:42 AM.

12-29-2010, 04:43 AM	#2265
Javed Grand Sorcerer Posts: 10,270 Karma: 1126878541 Join Date: Oct 2009 Device: Astak Pocket PRO, iPod Touch, PRS-650	Two snowmen are standing in a meadow. One snowman turns to the other and says, "Do you smell carrots?" A guy tells his psychiatrist: ‘It was terrible. I was away on business, and I emailed my wife that I’d be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don’t get it. How could she do this to me?" "Well," says the psychiatrist. "Maybe she didn’t see the email." A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

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12-25-2010, 01:40 PM	#2253
desertblues Home for the moment Posts: 5,127 Karma: 27718936 Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: travelling Device: various	And I thought it was me, having trouble with the language.....it's the same word in Dutch.

12-26-2010, 07:16 PM	#2255
SneakySnake I'm watching you! Posts: 6,113 Karma: 22344652 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Sunny Coast Qld, OZ Device: Sony PRS-900(unused lately) iPadAir2, want me Kindle Oasis	OI! I am blond and I understood the joke. How dare you pick on us! You should really be picking on the bottle blonds. Now they are the ones that are pretty stoopid! breath in - breath out!

12-27-2010, 07:48 AM	#2256
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	*breath in - breath out!* How long has she been holding her breath for? Go on....breath in again......

12-27-2010, 07:52 AM	#2257
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	There was two feet of snow on the street this morning.

12-27-2010, 07:09 PM	#2259
SneakySnake I'm watching you! Posts: 6,113 Karma: 22344652 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Sunny Coast Qld, OZ Device: Sony PRS-900(unused lately) iPadAir2, want me Kindle Oasis	I can take it! I did ask for it. I have been receiving jokes and comments about my intelligence (or lack of) my whole life. I did dye my hair brown for a while a couple of years ago to no avail. People still thought I was stupid and the blond roots growing through looked like greys! Any attention is better than none.

12-27-2010, 07:18 PM	#2260
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,072 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	I think it all goes back to the old blonde bombshell Hollywood ideal: Someone so beautiful every man wants her and so dumb every man thinks she may actually have him! My blonde niece, who is extremely intelligent and witty, is a virtual repository of blonde jokes.

12-27-2010, 08:45 PM	#2261
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	I always thought that true blondes were okay. It's dyed blondes that are not as witty, first for going against their nature... And the gazillion other reasons? Well, were discussing them here... Season's greetings, everybody!

12-28-2010, 02:34 PM	#2262
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Can't help myself................ Three blonde friends died together in a car wreck. They found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates with St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was about. The first blonde said, "Easter is a big holiday where we give thanks, have a big feast and eat turkey." "Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in." The second blonde said, "Easter is the holiday that we celebrate Jesus' being born of the virgin and give gifts to each other." "Nooooo," said St. Peter. "You don't get in, either." The third blonde said, "Well, I know what Easter is all about. Easter is a Christian holiday which coincides with the Jewish Passover. After Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples, He was betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Romans. They crucified Him on a cross. After He died, they buried him in a tomb and put a huge boulder in front of it." "Very good!" said St. Peter. The blonde continued. "Now, every year, the Jews roll the stone away and Jesus comes out. If He sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of basketball." St. Peter fainted! As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." From the cabin, a blonde passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!" A blonde guy goes to a football game and finds his place in the bleachers. After a while, someone far behind him yells, "Hey, George." The blonde gets up and scans the crowd behind him. Not seeing anyone he recognizes, he sits down. Some time later, someone yells again, "Hey, George." The blonde gets up again and looks around. Seeing no one he knows, he sits down. A third time someone yells, "Hey, George." Finally, the blonde gets up, turns around and yells back, "Knock it off! My names not George!"