Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 146

kennyc · 12-03-2010, 05:56 PM

Just send it to my paypal account same as my email.

yvanleterrible · 12-03-2010, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycoming

A group of male lawyers lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One transferred to another city. It wasn't the same without him.

A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. She overheard the guys talking about their golf round. She said, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good would you mind if I joined you next week?"

The three guys looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting early -- at 6:30 am.

He figured the early tee-time would discourage her. The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled and said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

She showed up at 6:30 sharp, and beat all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was fun and pleasant person, and the guys were impressed. Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and invited her back the next week.. She smiled, and said, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she played left-handed.

The three lawyers were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They were totally amazed, but wondered if she was trying to make them look bad by beating them left-handed.

They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be purposely showing them up they invited her back again, but each man harbored a burning desire to beat her game.

The third week, the guys had their game faces on. But this time, she was 15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable. This week the lady lawyer played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them.

The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, they couldn't hold a grudge.

Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of beers, and finally, one of the men asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

The lady blushed, and grinned... "That's easy," she said. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch back and forth.

When I got married in college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed.

The guys on the team thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointing straight up in the air?"

She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late!

And if it points down she doesn't play, of course...any course...

SameOldStory · 12-03-2010, 09:50 PM

Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

lene1949 · 12-04-2010, 04:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SameOldStory

Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

kennyc · 12-04-2010, 08:11 AM

Slightly adult oriented thus the spoiler tag....no one under 16 admitted...

Spoiler:

kennyc · 12-04-2010, 08:17 AM

kennyc · 12-04-2010, 08:27 AM

Stitchawl · 12-04-2010, 09:13 AM

On the day following the voting, there was a large sign draped across a major intersection in the Ginza of downtown Tokyo that read;
"Congratulations Nixon-president, on your errection!"
It made newspapers all over the world.

Stitchawl

Lycoming · 12-04-2010, 12:42 PM

Two couples were playing poker one evening.

Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When
he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue
wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying
to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.
Bob's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you
like under there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed
he did.

She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you
$500. 'After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of
this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.

Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Fridays
and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday
afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house
at 2 p.m. sharp - and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 - they went to
the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.

Jim quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bob came home from
work at 6 p.m. And upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by
the house this afternoon?'

With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did
stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.'

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly
asked, 'And did he give you $500?'

Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes,
in fact he did give me $500.'

Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife
by saying, 'He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me.
He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.'

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player

SameOldStory · 12-04-2010, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

Slightly adult oriented thus the spoiler tag....no one under 16 admitted...

Spoiler:

Hay! I just noticed that those kids are in danger. Did anyone else see that sign? It's kinda hard to see, but it is there. Keep looking, you'll find it eventually just as I did.

desertblues · 12-04-2010, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SameOldStory

Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

It's practically always men that pull stunts like that

yvanleterrible · 12-04-2010, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

On the day following the voting, there was a large sign draped across a major intersection in the Ginza of downtown Tokyo that read;
"Congratulations Nixon-president, on your errection!"
It made newspapers all over the world.

Stitchawl

Well, maybe it was true?

SameOldStory · 12-04-2010, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by desertblues

It's practically always men that pull stunts like that

If you haven't seen it yet there's a joke about rednecks -

You're a redneck if you ever had a relative die after saying "Hay, y'all. Watch this!"

SameOldStory · 12-04-2010, 05:56 PM

I just watched it again. A movie of his life would be great.

doreenjoy · 12-05-2010, 10:40 PM

On my way home I walk past a string of strip clubs. One of them certainly is in the holiday spirit.

12-05-2010, 10:40 PM	#2190
doreenjoy 01000100 01001010 Posts: 1,889 Karma: 2400000 Join Date: Mar 2009 Device: Polyamorous	On my way home I walk past a string of strip clubs. One of them certainly is in the holiday spirit. Attached Thumbnails

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12-03-2010, 05:56 PM	#2176
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,907 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	Just send it to my paypal account same as my email.

12-03-2010, 09:50 PM	#2178
SameOldStory My True Self Posts: 3,126 Karma: 66242098 Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Trantor, Galactic Center Device: Galaxy Tab 2 7.0	Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

12-04-2010, 08:11 AM	#2180
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,907 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	Slightly adult oriented thus the spoiler tag....no one under 16 admitted... Spoiler:

12-04-2010, 08:17 AM	#2181
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,907 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire

12-04-2010, 08:27 AM	#2182
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,907 Karma: 119230421 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire

12-04-2010, 09:13 AM	#2183
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	On the day following the voting, there was a large sign draped across a major intersection in the Ginza of downtown Tokyo that read; "Congratulations Nixon-president, on your errection!" It made newspapers all over the world. Stitchawl

12-04-2010, 12:42 PM	#2184
Lycoming Capt Chaos II Posts: 483 Karma: 33043007 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cornwall, UK Device: iPad2	Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500. 'After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested. Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Fridays and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon. When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p.m. sharp - and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 - they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. Jim quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. And upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?' With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'And did he give you $500?' Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500.' Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.' Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player

12-04-2010, 05:56 PM	#2189
SameOldStory My True Self Posts: 3,126 Karma: 66242098 Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Trantor, Galactic Center Device: Galaxy Tab 2 7.0	I just watched it again. A movie of his life would be great.