Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[kennyc]

Originally Posted by CyGuy

An old farmer in Kansas had owned a large farm for several
years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice;
picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach
trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for
swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond,
as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He
grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As
he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing
with glee.

As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women
skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of
his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out
until you leave!"

The old man frowned and grumbled, "I didn't come down here
to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the
pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to
feed the alligator."

Moral: Old age and cunning will triumph over youth and
enthusiasm every time.

Surely you meant to post this in the Airline Security Scanner Thread.

[doreenjoy]

When I die, I hope I go like my grandfather did, peacefully in my sleep...

...not screaming in terror like the other three people in his car.

[kennyc]

That one's funny no matter how many times I hear it!

[poohbear_nc]

Originally Posted by kennyc

That one's funny no matter how many times I hear it!

Because you can just picture the scene in your mind, can't you?

[SameOldStory]

Not if he's the one sleeping peacefully.

[SameOldStory]

A joke for the technically minded.

Troubleshoot the schematic!

TIP:

[SameOldStory]

[James_Wilde]

Haven't yet got all the way through this thread so I hope this one isn't in the part I haven't read yet. It's one for Zelda.

Blind guy goes into a bar, orders a drink, sits there a few moments then says in a loud voice: "Anybody want to hear a blonde joke?"

The female bartender leans over the bar and says:

"Hey, fella, I'm blonde, I'm five foot ten inches, weigh 150 lbs and I keep a baseball bat under the counter. The bouncer is blonde and she's a heavyweight wrestler. The blonde on your left is the world champion woman boxer. The woman on your right is also blonde, besides being world champion karate expert. Now, are you sure you want to tell that joke here?"

H*ll, no," says the blind guy. "I can't be bothered having to explain the d*mn joke four times."

[encapuchado]

THE ADVENTURES OF MICRO-FARAD AND MILLI-AMP

One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro-Farad decided to seek out a cute coil to let him discharge.

He picked up Milli-Amp and took her for a ride on his Megacycle. They rode across the Wheatstone Bridge, around the sine waves, and stopped in the magnetic field by a flowing current.

Micro-Farad, attracted by Milli-Amp's characteristic curves, soon had her fully charged and excited her resistance to a minimum. He laid her on the ground potential, raised her frequency, and lowered her reluctance.

He pulled out his high voltage probe and inserted it in her socket, connecting them in parallel and began short circuiting her resistance shunt. Fully excited, Milli-Amp mumbled, "OHM-OHM-OHM."

With his tube operating at a maximum and her field vibrating with his current flow, it caused her shunt to overheat, and Micro-Farad was rapidly discharged and drained off every electron.

They fluxed all night trying various connections and sockets until his magnet had a soft core and lost all of its field strength.

Afterwards, Milli-Amp tried self-induction and damaged her solenoids. With his battery fully discharged, Micro-Farad was unable to excite his field, so they spent the rest of the night reversing polarity and blowing each other's fuses.

THE END

[LCF]

Watch on youtube if you want to see the subtitles properly, video is in German.

[encapuchado]

Moderator Notice
Image removed by MobileRead moderation team.

[SameOldStory]

[SameOldStory]

[Lycoming]

A Drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.

Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says, "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck-naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says....................

"Grandpa.......... Go home..............."

[Lycoming]

A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.. As he enters, he asks St. Peter, 'I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'




St. Peter said, 'That's a question only God can answer.'






So the zebra went off in search of God.





When he found Him, the zebra asked, 'God, please - I must know Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'





God simply replied 'You are what you are.'





The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, 'Well, did God straighten out your query for you?'





The zebra looked puzzled.. 'No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.''





St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, 'Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes..'





The zebra asked St. Peter, 'How do you know that for certain?'





'Because,' said St. Peter, 'If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, 'You is what you is..'





WARNING: If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Rev Wright and Obama will be comin after yo white butt !