Silliness Terrible Jokes - Page 12

DNSB · 08-15-2023, 12:47 PM

A patient arrived at the ER via an ambulance with minor burns on his legs. His shoes and the bottoms of his jeans are charred. The doctor asks what happened, and the patient says he was trying to use a propane-powered weed burner in his yard, and things go out of hand.

The doctor noted his breath reeked of alcohol and asked him if he had been drinking. The patient adamantly says no. The doctor couldn’t resist a setup like this and looked the man directly in the eye and said, “liar, liar, pants on fire.”

afv011 · 08-15-2023, 08:14 PM

The worst thing about daylight savings is driving with the hands at 9 and 1.

DNSB · 08-15-2023, 11:39 PM

Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk.

ausGeoff · 08-16-2023, 04:00 PM

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

DNSB · 08-16-2023, 04:06 PM

Did you know that all mushrooms are edible? Some only once though.

afv011 · 08-17-2023, 01:49 AM

What does a mushroom buy when it’s having a mid-life crisis? A spores car.

DNSB · 08-17-2023, 01:51 PM

Did you hear about the mushroom that had to make a tough choice? He had a morel dilemma.

ownedbycats · 08-17-2023, 04:35 PM

Apple launched its first clothing line for pirates. The bestseller so far is the iPatch.

DNSB · 08-18-2023, 12:24 AM

James was a talented pianist, but just wasn't top tier in his talent. He had plenty of smaller venue gigs, but every time he auditioned for large concerts, he was softly rejected as being "so close, but the other person was just a tad better".

One day he was at a carnival, and for laughs he went to the crystal ball reader. She asked several questions, and then asked, "Tell me James, what is it that you most desire."

James responded, "To be the best piano player in the world." She spent several minutes gazing into the ball, and then said, "Go see Opporknockity. He lives in the Bronx." James tracked the man named Opporknockity down, and it turned out he was a piano tuner.

He went to him and asked him to tune his grand piano. Opporknockity looked him over carefully, and in a quiet voice, said, "I must hear you play first." They went to Jame's apartment, and James played Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3. Opporknockity listened, occasionally muttering "yes, yes" or "I see."

When James was done, Opporknockity said, "I can help you, because you are already very, very good. You just need... something extra. I will tune your piano, and when you are famous you will pay me $100,000. But, you must ALWAYS use this piano, and I can only do this ONE time." James agreed.

A year later, James was playing some of the largest classical concerts in the world, as well as solo performances at sold out, large venues. He always had his piano shipped to the venue in advance. Despite this rough treatment, it never went out of tune. He had four albums break sales records. He had happily paid Opporknockity.

This went on for years. Finally, he was playing Carnegie hall, sold out with many of the most rich, famous, and powerful people in the world attending. But when the piano was being put on stage, it slid down the ramp, crashed, and broke apart, completely ruined. The stage manager was deeply apologetic, but assured him that their grand piano was perfectly tuned and serviceable. James knew that he was in trouble.

He called Opporknockity and asked him to come tune the piano. He refused. James offered him a million dollars, and still Opporknockity refused. James begged, saying that he would be embarrassed in front of the whole world!

Finally, Opporknockity said, "I am sorry, sir, but Opporknockity tunes but once in a lifetime."

ownedbycats · 08-18-2023, 07:30 AM

What do you call spaghetti in disguise?

An impasta.

PoP · 08-18-2023, 10:54 AM

A french father proudly announced to his friend that he named his newborn girl "moustache-de-souris".

«What a terrible name» the friend said «what were you thinking!»

«Didn't you call your daugther "Barbara"?» replied the father.

Comfy.n · 08-18-2023, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PoP

A french father proudly announced to his friend that he named his newborn girl "moustache-de-souris".

«What a terrible name» the friend said «what were you thinking!»

«Didn't you call your daugther "Barbara"?» replied the father.

DNSB · 08-18-2023, 02:01 PM

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

afv011 · 08-18-2023, 09:21 PM

What do you call bears with no ears?

B.

DNSB · 08-18-2023, 10:33 PM

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
DO NOT BUY ONYX BOOX! Terrible device, terrible customer service!	alain_desilets	Onyx Boox	15	05-05-2015 03:54 PM
PB - Jokes	cipri	PocketBook	50	04-06-2011 02:13 PM
April Jokes	doctorow	Lounge	2	04-01-2005 10:24 AM

08-15-2023, 12:47 PM	#166
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,494 Karma: 169115146 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A patient arrived at the ER via an ambulance with minor burns on his legs. His shoes and the bottoms of his jeans are charred. The doctor asks what happened, and the patient says he was trying to use a propane-powered weed burner in his yard, and things go out of hand. The doctor noted his breath reeked of alcohol and asked him if he had been drinking. The patient adamantly says no. The doctor couldn’t resist a setup like this and looked the man directly in the eye and said, “liar, liar, pants on fire.”

08-15-2023, 08:14 PM	#167
afv011 Captain Penguin Posts: 2,965 Karma: 2079999999 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Seattle, WA Device: Kobo Clara BW, Kobo Libra 2, Nook Glowlight	The worst thing about daylight savings is driving with the hands at 9 and 1.

08-15-2023, 11:39 PM	#168
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,494 Karma: 169115146 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk.

08-16-2023, 04:00 PM	#169
ausGeoff Enthusiast Posts: 27 Karma: 10 Join Date: Jul 2023 Device: Kobo Libra 2	A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

08-16-2023, 04:06 PM	#170
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,494 Karma: 169115146 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Did you know that all mushrooms are edible? Some only once though.

08-17-2023, 01:49 AM	#171
afv011 Captain Penguin Posts: 2,965 Karma: 2079999999 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Seattle, WA Device: Kobo Clara BW, Kobo Libra 2, Nook Glowlight	What does a mushroom buy when it’s having a mid-life crisis? A spores car.

08-17-2023, 01:51 PM	#172
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,494 Karma: 169115146 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Did you hear about the mushroom that had to make a tough choice? He had a morel dilemma.

08-17-2023, 04:35 PM	#173
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,028 Karma: 75555555 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	Apple launched its first clothing line for pirates. The bestseller so far is the iPatch.

08-18-2023, 12:24 AM	#174
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,494 Karma: 169115146 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	James was a talented pianist, but just wasn't top tier in his talent. He had plenty of smaller venue gigs, but every time he auditioned for large concerts, he was softly rejected as being "so close, but the other person was just a tad better". One day he was at a carnival, and for laughs he went to the crystal ball reader. She asked several questions, and then asked, "Tell me James, what is it that you most desire." James responded, "To be the best piano player in the world." She spent several minutes gazing into the ball, and then said, "Go see Opporknockity. He lives in the Bronx." James tracked the man named Opporknockity down, and it turned out he was a piano tuner. He went to him and asked him to tune his grand piano. Opporknockity looked him over carefully, and in a quiet voice, said, "I must hear you play first." They went to Jame's apartment, and James played Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 3. Opporknockity listened, occasionally muttering "yes, yes" or "I see." When James was done, Opporknockity said, "I can help you, because you are already very, very good. You just need... something extra. I will tune your piano, and when you are famous you will pay me $100,000. But, you must ALWAYS use this piano, and I can only do this ONE time." James agreed. A year later, James was playing some of the largest classical concerts in the world, as well as solo performances at sold out, large venues. He always had his piano shipped to the venue in advance. Despite this rough treatment, it never went out of tune. He had four albums break sales records. He had happily paid Opporknockity. This went on for years. Finally, he was playing Carnegie hall, sold out with many of the most rich, famous, and powerful people in the world attending. But when the piano was being put on stage, it slid down the ramp, crashed, and broke apart, completely ruined. The stage manager was deeply apologetic, but assured him that their grand piano was perfectly tuned and serviceable. James knew that he was in trouble. He called Opporknockity and asked him to come tune the piano. He refused. James offered him a million dollars, and still Opporknockity refused. James begged, saying that he would be embarrassed in front of the whole world! Finally, Opporknockity said, "I am sorry, sir, but Opporknockity tunes but once in a lifetime."

08-18-2023, 07:30 AM	#175
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,028 Karma: 75555555 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	What do you call spaghetti in disguise? An impasta.

Advert

Advert

08-18-2023, 10:54 AM	#176
PoP curly᷂͓̫̙᷊̥̮̾ͯͤͭͬͦͨ ʎʌɹnɔ Posts: 3,018 Karma: 50506927 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ♁ ᴺ₄₅°₃₀' ᵂ₇₃°₃₇' ±₆₀" Device: K3₃.₄.₃ PW3&4₅.₁₃.₃	A french father proudly announced to his friend that he named his newborn girl "moustache-de-souris". «What a terrible name» the friend said «what were you thinking!» «Didn't you call your daugther "Barbara"?» replied the father.

08-18-2023, 02:01 PM	#178
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,494 Karma: 169115146 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

08-18-2023, 09:21 PM	#179
afv011 Captain Penguin Posts: 2,965 Karma: 2079999999 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Seattle, WA Device: Kobo Clara BW, Kobo Libra 2, Nook Glowlight	What do you call bears with no ears? B.

08-18-2023, 10:33 PM	#180
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,494 Karma: 169115146 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.