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Old 09-04-2010, 11:40 AM   #1651
Ben Thornton
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Have we had these jokes for kids (and me)?

Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the woodpecker would peck 'er!

Why did the viper vipe 'er nose?
Because the adder 'ad 'er 'andkerchief!

Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied 'er!
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Old 09-04-2010, 12:26 PM   #1652
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And who was it who said, "If flies fly, why don't elephants elephant?"
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Old 09-04-2010, 12:39 PM   #1653
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lycoming View Post
A 72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back normal, so the Doctor says, 'Jerry, everything looks great.



How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God.?'



Jerry replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!, the light goes on. When I'm done, poof!, the light goes off.'


'Wow, that's incredible,' the Doctor says.


A little later in the day, the Doctor calls Jerry's wife.



'Ginger,' he says, 'Jerry is doing fine, but I had to call you, because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof!, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off.?'

'OH MY GOD!' Ginger exclaims. 'He's peeing in the fridge again.!!!!'
Never saw that one coming!
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Old 09-04-2010, 12:41 PM   #1654
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I took my family to new fried chicken place.
The food was delicious so I asked them how they prepare their chickens.
The waitress replied:
Spoiler:
"We just tell them they're going to die."
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Old 09-04-2010, 12:51 PM   #1655
rebarnmom
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TGS View Post
I took my family to new fried chicken place.
The food was delicious so I asked them how they prepare their chickens.
The waitress replied:
Spoiler:
"We just tell them they're going to die."
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Old 09-04-2010, 12:54 PM   #1656
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There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
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Old 09-04-2010, 01:03 PM   #1657
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rebarnmom View Post
Never saw that one coming!

Perhaps the bulb in your fridge is dead? Just an idea.
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Old 09-04-2010, 01:23 PM   #1658
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TGS View Post
I took my family to new fried chicken place.
The food was delicious so I asked them how they prepare their chickens.
The waitress replied:
Spoiler:
"We just tell them they're going to die."
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Old 09-04-2010, 03:00 PM   #1659
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Quote:
Originally Posted by poohbear_nc View Post
Thought you would like that one
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Old 09-04-2010, 03:07 PM   #1660
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Originally Posted by TGS View Post
Thought you would like that one
Yep, he's dancin' with delight in the chicken soup thread.
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Old 09-04-2010, 07:20 PM   #1661
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Originally Posted by kennyc View Post
Yep, he's dancin' with delight in the chicken soup thread.
Not quite - I'm running for my life (and limbs, err wings) in several threads! Post a pizza joke for crying out loud!
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Old 09-04-2010, 07:39 PM   #1662
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Just for you.

Why did the chicken RUN across the street.

Spoiler:
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Old 09-04-2010, 08:06 PM   #1663
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May a load of haggis descend upon you! Soon! Fowl fiend!
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Old 09-04-2010, 08:24 PM   #1664
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Three friends married women from different parts of the Southwest.

The first man married a woman from Kansas. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Oklahoma . He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Texas. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

Gotta love those Texas Gals!
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Old 09-04-2010, 09:25 PM   #1665
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Javed View Post
There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
Sent this to my folks (who lived in Alaska for a while). They wanted to know if this meant the baby was born the next night!
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