Silliness Terrible Jokes - Page 11

ownedbycats · 08-01-2023, 01:33 PM

An old gentleman lived alone. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

"Dear Vincent,
I am ad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa."

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

"Dear Papa,
I wish I was able to help you. But whatever you do, DO NOT dig up the garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love, Vinnie"

At 4 am next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day, the old man received another letter from this son.

"Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Vinnie"

DNSB · 08-02-2023, 02:44 PM

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

afv011 · 08-02-2023, 09:27 PM

A screwdriver walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”

The screwdriver replies, “You have a drink named Phillip?”

DNSB · 08-02-2023, 10:14 PM

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

If it had four doors it would be called a chicken sedan.

ownedbycats · 08-03-2023, 04:32 PM

How do you spell Canada?

C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?

Sorry.

DNSB · 08-03-2023, 06:35 PM

What's the difference between an American and a Canadian?

A Canadian not only has a sense of humour but can also spell it.

afv011 · 08-03-2023, 06:55 PM

What do you call a sophisticated American?

Canadian

DNSB · 08-04-2023, 01:49 PM

In Canada the seasons are almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

Sirtel · 08-04-2023, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DNSB

In Canada the seasons are almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

In Estonia as well.

Only our recent winters resemble autumns more than winters...

afv011 · 08-04-2023, 04:45 PM

What's better in the US than Canada?

The neighbours.

ownedbycats · 08-04-2023, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sirtel

In Estonia as well.

Only our recent winters resemble autumns more than winters...

Back in May, my province had the largest wildfire in recorded history. Two months later, we had 'historic' flooding.

Honestly it's a bit worrying, but at the time my main reaction was:
"Okay, maybe we overdid it a bit on the coordinated rain dances."

DNSB · 08-04-2023, 08:58 PM

A Harbour Seal goes into a bar and requested a drink.
When the bartender asked what kind, the seal responded,
“Any kind, as long as its not Canadian Club!”

Ned · 08-14-2023, 12:10 PM

What do you get when you cross a Martial Art with a Marsupial?
Unarmed Wombat

DNSB · 08-14-2023, 07:11 PM

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

ausGeoff · 08-15-2023, 12:45 PM

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.

Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

08-03-2023, 04:32 PM	#155
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,012 Karma: 75555555 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	How do you spell Canada? C, eh? N, eh? D, eh? Sorry. Last edited by ownedbycats; 08-03-2023 at 04:43 PM.

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08-01-2023, 01:33 PM	#151
ownedbycats Custom User Title Posts: 11,012 Karma: 75555555 Join Date: Oct 2018 Location: Canada Device: Kobo Libra H2O, formerly Aura HD	An old gentleman lived alone. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament. "Dear Vincent, I am ad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa." A few days later, he received a letter from his son. "Dear Papa, I wish I was able to help you. But whatever you do, DO NOT dig up the garden. That's where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie" At 4 am next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day, the old man received another letter from this son. "Dear Papa, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Vinnie"

08-02-2023, 02:44 PM	#152
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,394 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

08-02-2023, 09:27 PM	#153
afv011 Captain Penguin Posts: 2,965 Karma: 2079999999 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Seattle, WA Device: Kobo Clara BW, Kobo Libra 2, Nook Glowlight	A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The screwdriver replies, “You have a drink named Phillip?”

08-02-2023, 10:14 PM	#154
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,394 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four doors it would be called a chicken sedan.

08-03-2023, 06:35 PM	#156
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,394 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	What's the difference between an American and a Canadian? A Canadian not only has a sense of humour but can also spell it.

08-03-2023, 06:55 PM	#157
afv011 Captain Penguin Posts: 2,965 Karma: 2079999999 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Seattle, WA Device: Kobo Clara BW, Kobo Libra 2, Nook Glowlight	What do you call a sophisticated American? Canadian

08-04-2023, 01:49 PM	#158
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,394 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	In Canada the seasons are almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

08-04-2023, 04:45 PM	#160
afv011 Captain Penguin Posts: 2,965 Karma: 2079999999 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Seattle, WA Device: Kobo Clara BW, Kobo Libra 2, Nook Glowlight	What's better in the US than Canada? The neighbours.

08-04-2023, 08:58 PM	#162
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,394 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	A Harbour Seal goes into a bar and requested a drink. When the bartender asked what kind, the seal responded, “Any kind, as long as its not Canadian Club!”

08-14-2023, 12:10 PM	#163
Ned Ebook reader Posts: 389 Karma: 5899335 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: York, England Device: Kobo Aura H2O (ed 2, v1), Kobo Forma, Kobo Libra 2	What do you get when you cross a Martial Art with a Marsupial? Unarmed Wombat

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08-14-2023, 07:11 PM	#164
DNSB Bibliophagist Posts: 46,394 Karma: 169098492 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Vancouver Device: Kobo Sage, Libra Colour, Lenovo M8 FHD, Paperwhite 4, Tolino epos	The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

08-15-2023, 12:45 PM	#165
ausGeoff Enthusiast Posts: 27 Karma: 10 Join Date: Jul 2023 Device: Kobo Libra 2	Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.