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Old 08-26-2008, 06:46 PM   #151
montsnmags
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What goes into a Silly Crater anyway? I can't seem to find the recipe.
~Singing~ "Six drops of essence of terror,
Five drops of sinister sauce..."


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Old 08-27-2008, 09:12 AM   #152
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Konichi-wa, I'm Steve Jordan. Today on This Old Thread, we'll be examining monsters. You know, you have to be very careful when you make monsters... too much of one ingredient, and the whole thing can go ker-plotz on you, and ruin your evil plans of global domination. There's nothing worse than a perfect plan being ruined when your monster either turns out to be too nice... or eats your head.

Case in point, this year's political candidates. We'll be studying them to see where the mixes went wrong, and what can possibly be fixed without just scrapping them and starting over.

But first, a message from our sponsor, Jurassic Park, opening a mini-park right in downtown San Diego. Watch for the billboards... then look twice, to make sure it is one!
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Old 08-27-2008, 09:51 AM   #153
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While not actually endorsing the consumption of the public by the actual theme park rides, our administration feels that there needs to be considerable investigation into the alleged bloody deaths before we move to ban said rides. Our good friend and considerable contributor, Jurrassic Park, Inc. (Holdings) are advising us on the situation.
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Old 08-27-2008, 12:27 PM   #154
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We're back on This Old Thread. Okay, we have a special guest designer with us today: Lisa LaPortable from HGTV's Designed to Sell, who is showing us the results of the candidates prepared for the '08 election.

Hmm... I see... so, Barack Obama seems to have been created with a touch too much Elitism for consumer tastes. Might that be brought into balance with some good old Suave shellac? Or are we talking about another layer of Blue Collar base? (Fortunately, he was never spray-painted with that Insane Uber-Smile lacquer they used on Hillary... I don't think that stuff can ever come out!...)

And looking at John McCain... well, obviously, someone's gone too far with the distressing treatment here. It seems to have gotten under the skin, until the whole thing just looks doddering and creaky. You may need to just cover that with a nice, thick contact paper, and hope no one leans on him.

And Pshrynk... um... okay, whose idea was it to cover him with white fur? That's so "out" this year. Wouldn't a 100% cotton slipcover be more appropriate? Then you can have that dog we saw running around here yesterday, just plop himself right there and go to sleep, to get the pet-lovers' vote.

So, what's the plan, Lisa? That looks like a ceiling fan. Where are you gonna stick that?...
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Old 08-29-2008, 01:29 PM   #155
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I'm Steve Jordan. This week on This Old Thread, we've learned a lot about our candidate's ability to alter time to do his bidding... more or less... we've learned that, no matter how well you touch something up, it's still the same old furniture... and we've learned exactly where you can put a ceiling fan, provided you have the right angle and plenty of vaseline. We've also learned how expensive... not to mention painful... it can be to surgically extract a ceiling fan. (Lisa, you'll be getting my surgeon's bill...)

But as I look around, from my vantage point lying on my stomach on this gurney, I notice very few people remaining here at the convention. Unfortunately, I believe that many of our attendees had a chance to see the Barack Obama promotional video the other night, and it has thoroughly disheartened them. Now believing that an Obama victory is inevitable, and in fact mandated by the very Earth itself, attendees have thrown their Pshrynk hats and signs to the ground, where they were specifically told not to throw them, as we had plenty of duly-designated co-mingled paper trash bins to throw all that stuff, and they've gone quietly home.

From here I can see Pshrynk and his entourage, sitting around on plastic lawn-chairs and drinking Zany Carters behind the main podium... all except for Mr. Montsnmags, who seems to be creatively rearranging the spine of an unauthorized reporter that has just tried to horn in on their circle (actually, he may have been merely trying to snag a Zany Carter).

I'm going to wheel a little closer, while carefully demonstrating that I do indeed have press authorization badges, and I am not slumming for any of their Zany Carters, and see if I can hear some of the conversation back there...
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Old 08-29-2008, 02:38 PM   #156
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Pssst... Hey Boss, don't look now, but it's that nosy guy who keeps talking into his shoe and thinks he's a reporter. What in ghod's name has he done to his behind? Looks like a celing fan or .... you don't think he tried to turn himself into a helicopter, do you?

Security? Over here please?
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Old 08-29-2008, 02:54 PM   #157
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H-hey! Back off, super-soldier! I'm with the Press!

Now, see here... watch what you're... don't you dare touch that pull-chain!...
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Old 08-29-2008, 03:23 PM   #158
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(Giggles as security officer gives gurney a little push downhill toward the reflecting pool...)

Well, will you look at that? He's sort of a Steve Pinwheel!
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Old 08-29-2008, 03:59 PM   #159
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So, I think this wraps up another episode of This Old Thread... join me next week as I attempt to see how maneuverable underwater I am with a ceiling fan stuck up my (psplish!)

Cut. Print that. Anybody got a chamois?
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Old 08-29-2008, 04:02 PM   #160
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Ooooh, amazing! Now it's sort of a boat propeller.... make that submarine propeller... Security? You got any fishing gear in the truck?
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Old 08-29-2008, 04:05 PM   #161
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So, I think this wraps up another episode of This Old Thread... join me next week as I attempt to see how maneuverable underwater I am with a ceiling fan stuck up my (psplish!)

Cut. Print that. Anybody got a chamois?
Oh my Gawd, how will I get that picture out of my head???

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Old 08-29-2008, 04:15 PM   #162
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Oh my Gawd, how will I get that picture out of my head???

I don't know, either... but if you figure out how, please let me know! I'm strangling myself to keep from laughing out loud in my office!
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Old 08-29-2008, 04:28 PM   #163
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Enjoying the show....
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spread your arms and lean towards one side or another to maneuver..........
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Old 09-11-2008, 08:46 AM   #164
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I'd like it to be known that I did not say that my opponent's running mate was a pig. In fact, what I did say was that you can strap a pig into an F4 Phantom, but it's still going to crash on take off.

And I wasn't calling my opponent a pig, I was talking about my own economic program. ("Just give me the farking keys to the mint!)
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Old 09-12-2008, 07:32 AM   #165
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If you put lipstick on a llamas do they still spit at you?
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