Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[Lycoming]

[Lycoming]

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her husband is on the back of the milk carton.














WOMEN'S REVENGE

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally..'






UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women..

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

pour it onto your most intimate part, rip the hair out by the root,

and still be afraid of a spider.






MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'

He addressed the man,

'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?






CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife..

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store

to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco

and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton)






WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'







WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day....

30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and said, 'What?'






CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be

so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!




The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him

at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
__________________

[Lycoming]

You're too good for him.
Sign over mirror in Women's restroom
Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hill s ,CA


No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Men's restroom,
Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hill s ,CA


~~~ and perhaps the most realistic one ~~~



A Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has tyres or testicles,
You're going to have trouble with it
Women's restroom
Dick's Last Resort, Dallas , TX

[Lycoming]

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the
experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles,
but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of
the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback! ' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

[Over]

[Over]

[happy_terd]

"Two muffins sat in an oven. one muffin says to the other muffin:
"Boy, it's hot in here." and the other muffin says, "holy sh*t! a talking muffin!"

[kennyc]

Originally Posted by happy_terd

"Two muffins sat in an oven. one muffin says to the other muffin:
"Boy, it's hot in here." and the other muffin says, "holy sh*t! a talking muffin!"

[Over]

[kennyc]

What goes "clip-clop, clip-clop, BANG, clippety-clop, clippety-clop"?









...an Amish drive by shooting!

[Lycoming]

So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest
kinda ticked off because he doesn't want to be yellow.

Life would be easier if he were green like the other toads.. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing.

Anyway... this yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother.

He begs her: "Fairy godmother, please make me green like
the other toads.

I am tired of being so visible to predators and such."

The fairy godmother whips out her magic wand and says,

"Toadra-capokus!

You're green!"

The toad looks down and sees that he is green except for his
package, which is still yellow. He says to the fairy godmother: "Wait a
minute! My pecker's still yellow!"

To this the fairy godmother replies: "I don't do johnsons.

You will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that." The toad thanks her and
hops off on his way.

There is a purple bear wandering about the very same woods.

As luck would have it, he also encounters the very same fairy godmother.

He implores her:

"Fairy godmother, please make me brown like all the other
bears.

None of the lady bears want to be seen with me on account that the
hunters can spot me from a mile off."

She, being a nice fairy godmother, takes out her magic wand
and says:

"Bearus-cadabra!

You're brown!"

The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown
with the exception of the ole twig and berries. They remain purple.

He says: "My wang is still purple!"

She says: "I don't do units, you will have to go
see The Wizard of Oz for that."

To this the bear replies: "Well that's just dandy, but how
the hell do I find The Wizard of Oz?"

The fairy godmother answers:

"That's easy... just follow the Yellowdick Toad!"

[columbus]

Originally Posted by Lycoming

"That's easy... just follow the Yellowdick Toad!"

Groan !!

[WT Sharpe]

Originally Posted by Lycoming

So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest
kinda ticked off because he doesn't want to be yellow.

Life would be easier if he were green like the other toads.. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing.

Anyway... this yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother.

He begs her: "Fairy godmother, please make me green like
the other toads.

I am tired of being so visible to predators and such."

The fairy godmother whips out her magic wand and says,

"Toadra-capokus!

You're green!"

The toad looks down and sees that he is green except for his
package, which is still yellow. He says to the fairy godmother: "Wait a
minute! My pecker's still yellow!"

To this the fairy godmother replies: "I don't do johnsons.

You will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that." The toad thanks her and
hops off on his way.

There is a purple bear wandering about the very same woods.

As luck would have it, he also encounters the very same fairy godmother.

He implores her:

"Fairy godmother, please make me brown like all the other
bears.

None of the lady bears want to be seen with me on account that the
hunters can spot me from a mile off."

She, being a nice fairy godmother, takes out her magic wand
and says:

"Bearus-cadabra!

You're brown!"

The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown
with the exception of the ole twig and berries. They remain purple.

He says: "My wang is still purple!"

She says: "I don't do units, you will have to go
see The Wizard of Oz for that."

To this the bear replies: "Well that's just dandy, but how
the hell do I find The Wizard of Oz?"

The fairy godmother answers:

"That's easy... just follow the Yellowdick Toad!"

I just told that to my wife and she cracked up!

[Lycoming]

With Chelsea 's wedding coming up July 31st...

Hillary wanted to play the perfect Mom

She asked Chelsea ... "Have you had sex with Marc?"

Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad"

[Lycoming]