The Case of The Golden Coprolite

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by Ralph Sir Edward

One thing I will promise. after I finish the story, I will post a concordance of most of the in-jokes and external references.

generations of future scholars will thank you.

[ShortNCuddlyAm]

:applauds:

[Greg Anos]

I was eatin' what passed for breakfast, when a junior flunky came by and told me that BadGoodDeb was in the car, on her way to the Embassy. I had him set up a conference room with an eats tray, 'cause I figgered she would be ravenous after trying to eat airliner food. I also had him notify the Ambassador of the meetin'.
I went over to VR's room. "Rise 'n' Shine, snookums. You got 15 minutes to go inspect the trees before the meetin'."
VR gave me his usual nasty look, but he must've had some biological backpressure, as he went toddling off.
I went to the conference room and waited. VR showed up 'round 15 minutes later.
A few minutes later, Ambassador Gaurnim showed up with BadGoodDeb, still with her Enola Emmel make-up on.
"Eats!" She squealed.
"Let me make intros, and you can fill your plate. The dog in the chair is Acting Viceroy VivaldiRules. He's paying for this shindig. I believe you've met Ambassador Gaurnim. If you don't have pictures handy, his staff will take 'em for your new Pinwheel passport. You'll have diplomatic immunity, so don't start any fights. They might cause a war. You also get a diplomatic pouch to keep you toys in."
"You brought my toys?"
"All that would fit. You big one doesn't, but I brought a special replacement."
"Betsy?"
"Yep. I figgered we might need some long range support before this is over."
"Who or what is Betsy?" VR asked.
"Betsy is a .50 cal Browning Machine Gun round sniper rifle. Weighs 35 pounds or 16 kilos. Accurate to 3.5 kilometers. BadGoodDeb is fully checked out on it. So am I. I can guarantee that Ralph von Wau Wau won't be throwin' powder puffs at us when we catch him."
Ambassador Gaurnim cleared his throat. "Perhaps you could start from the beginning."
So I gave him the tale from the beginning.
"So you see, somewhere in Oz is Ralph and the Golden Coprolite. My guess is that they want to make fakes for the jewelry market, and want to use the real one as a analysis/comparison piece. I figger that the must have their process basically finished, and this is the final checkout work. But where they are and their timeline is still unknown. So BadGoodDeb, what have you found out about the plane."
"The plane is owned by Montsnmags Internation. It isn't the CEO's jet, it's the senior management's on call jet, shared by all the divisions. The pilot's listed her employer as Montsnmags Mining Research PTY. So far, it's consistent."
"Ambassador Gaurnim, do we know the current location of the jet, and it's flight history?"
"It refueled in Darwin and flew straight to Perth. Everybody disembarked, and new pilot flew it back to corporate headquarters in Sydney. It's made several trips in the last few days. Last word had it in Melbourne."
"Let me guess. Montsnmags Mining Research has a R & D research center a few hours away by car."
"Let me check." Ambassador Gaurnim walked over to a computer and looked up Montsnmags Mining Research. "Yes, according to their offical records."
VR sneered, "this is a path that a five year old could find. Even you, Redneck."
"You're right, VR. Either Ralph wanted to lay out a whopper big red herring, or else he wants me to follow this path."
"Why would he want that?" BadGoodDeb asked.
"I don't know why. I haven't figger out the why behind the why in this case. But one thing is crystal clear. This has trap painted all over it, in mile high letters. And this trap was set for me personally."
"You're just being a egomaniac, Redneck." VR offered.
"Really? Why did you come hire me? Ralph had the Kingdom's response pegged."
"Isn't pursuing this liable to be, ahem, dangerous." said the Ambassador.
"Naw, it certain to be dangerous. It's liable to be deadly. Ralph didn't set this up just to give me a wet doggie kiss."
"Are you going to go in anyways, Redneck?"
"That's what you're paying me the big bucks for, doggie."
For once, VR didn't say anything about being called Doggie...

[zelda_pinwheel]

the tension mounts !!

[GeoffC]

:applaudsfromthesidelines:

[Greg Anos]

"Alright," I said. "Let's get this show on the road."
"What's the plan, boss?'
"I guess we go knock on the door and ask to see Ralph."
VR just sorta stared.
"Don't worry, VR. You can come along to see I'm not wasting any of her Majesties' money."
He finally found his voice. "Diplomatic immunity doesn't stop bullets."
"And permanently misplacing the Paleozoic Patty doesn't leave a Viceroy with much of a career either. Besides, I have a job for you to do."
"What job?"
"I've been keepin' this in a sealed jar. It's a piece of some beddin' Ralph used back then. You need to learn his scent. That way you can identify the real Ralph von Wau Wau."
"What makes you think my nose it that good?"
"I see it stuck in everywhere, I figger it's good enough. Especially when you other end is on the line."
VR didn't make any further response.
"Now, as I figger it, we can't call in the Aussie military, 'cause if we do, the whole cat's out of the bag. And Pinwheel can't provide any support for the same reason. So it's all on us. Now Ambassador, can you send a couple of croakers and some trauma supplies to Perth? We may need some patchin' up before this is over."
"Croakers? What is a croaker?"
"Sorry, Ambassador. That's Runyonese for a doctor."
"Oh. I think so."
"Good. Now when this pops, y'all aren't gonna be able to pull me out of it. Not enough people, and not enough firepower. So once the doors close, we're on our own. the only thing you might do is create a diversion. I'll call for that if it's do any good. Right now I don't forsee it."
BadGoodDeb said, "That's not much of a plan."
"I know, but there's no way to get any more facts to plan with. We'll just play it by ear. I'm betting on a combination of curiosity and arrogant viciousness. He'll want to have his say before he bumps me off, or else he would've used a sniper weeks ago. VR,"
VR looked up. "Yes?"
"Give Pshrynk a ring and have him get the plane ready to go. It's time to giddy-up."

We loaded up and headed for Perth.

[Greg Anos]

After we got there, we rented a 18 wheeler for the croakers and their gear, with plenty of leftover spaces for hauling things back. The rest of us split into two cars and headed out to the headquarters. Per orders, the 18 wheeler stopped 10 kilometers from the site. I also left one car there. The rest of us piled into one car and headed on.
I had us stop about 2 klicks from the main entrance.
"OK, here is where we split up. BadGoodDeb. You pick youself out a nice sniper nest about 3 klicks from main entrance door. We'll back you up 'til you're in place. VR's human will cover your back. Then VR and I'll take a little stroll. Remember the sniff I gave you. Ralph likes to play games with doubles. Ears back, he's real. Ears down, he's a double. Now let's get rollin'."
'Bout ten minutes later, BadGoodDeb gives us the set sign.
"Well, Doggie, time to take a stroll."
"We're going to be sitting ducks."
"Naw, we're gonna be walking ducks."
"You're really instilling confidence in me."
"Shall I put a leash on you?"
"You try and I'll tear out your throat myself!"
"So let's go take that hike to Valhalla. That's what Her Majesty pays us for. Besides, the weathers nice. It's a good day to die."
So we walked along the road toward the main entrance. There were some big ornamental rocks along the road. As we got to the third one, suddenly there was a burst of dust right next to us and a sound like ripping linoleum. I reached for VR and did a rollin' dive behind the rock, all in one motion. VR lay next to the rock, making a puddle.
"Welcome to the front lines, VR."
"S-s -shut up, you <bleep>ing Redneck."
I tapped my lapel. "Who's got the MG42, Deb? Anybody we know?"
"Yep, Ralph's human, GeoffC. Shall I take him out?"
"Who's his No 2."
"Nobody. The belt is coming out of a huge box."
"Time for some fancy shootin', Deb. See if you can hit the MG42's receiver."
"Well, I'll try. Probably take a couple shots. I hope he doesn't track me after the first shot. Why not the human?"
"Professional courtesy. Finding a human that works with a talking dog isn't easy. I don't want to rile Ralph up unnecessarily."
"He's already shooting at you."
"Just follow the orders, Deb."
"OK, Boss."
A few moments later, I heard the big bark of the .50 cal, followed by a curse from BadGoodDeb. Then another big bark, followed by a chortle from Deb.
'Look at the guy run!"
"Got the gun?"
"Sure, Boss. Right in the receiver."
"Take a look around on IR and see if you see any other welcoming committees."
A couple minutes later, "No, Boss."
"All right, VR, let's finish our stroll."
I went slow for a few meters until VR's legs got a little steadier. By the time we got the the fancy shrubbery by the front door, VR had calmed down a little. We walked over to the door, which I opened. VR walked in, followed by me.
The change was shocking. From the heat and the dust of the outback, to a stereotypical air-conditioned corporate reception room, complete with your standard corporate receptionist.
"Welcome to Montsnmag Mining Research Center. Can I help you gentlemen?"

[zelda_pinwheel]

wow. you can just cut the tension with a knife.

[Greg Anos]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

wow. you can just cut the tension with a knife.

Knife work is BadGoodDeb's specialty....

[Patricia]

Are you sure that the coprolite didn't get to the Asakus area of Tokyo?

[Greg Anos]

Originally Posted by Patricia

Are you sure that the coprolite didn't get to the Asakus area of Tokyo?

Attachment 19221

No opal in the...umm...design.

[Mindy]

Ahmagad! I just saw BadGoodDeb in 'About a Boy'! Another undercover mission????
Gogo Red & VR, good luck bringin' home the bacon!
(the veggie friendly stuff for me please)

[ShortNCuddlyAm]

I'm on the edge of my seat, biting my nails!

[Greg Anos]

Originally Posted by Mindy

Ahmagad! I just saw BadGoodDeb in 'About a Boy'! Another undercover mission????
Gogo Red & VR, good luck bringin' home the bacon!
(the veggie friendly stuff for me please)

Elucidate. please. Another thread?

[Mindy]

Originally Posted by Ralph Sir Edward

Elucidate. please. Another thread?

's a film based on a Nick Hornby novel which happens to be on telly as I type, and I've never actually seen Xena so when it featured a clip thereof I immediately thought of BGD and felt the need to type as much, particularly the thought of BGD turning up in the background of random films/situations on undercover detective work. You could turn up any minute for all I know - the possibilities are endless!
(Probably best to focus on your current predicament for now though - do I still get paid if you end up having a religious experience [holey conversion!]]