Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 22

rebarnmom · 06-18-2009, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doreenjoy

When I die, I hope I go peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather did...

...not screaming in terror like the three other people in his car.

Quote:

Originally Posted by doreenjoy

Everyone keeps asking me about this one. Yes, Eleanor Roosevelt really did say it AFAIK. She had a great sense of humor.

And so do you!

mklynds · 06-18-2009, 09:45 PM

A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London (England) and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".

"Indeed we are", replied the Canadian gentleman.

"I hope you won't mind my asking," said the Brit, "but what do the two red bars on your flag represent?"

"Well," replied the Canadian gentlman, "one of the bars stands for the courage and hardiness of our people in settling the cold expanses and broad prairies of our country. The other is for the honesty and integrity for which Canadians are known."

The Brit mulled this over and nodded. Having poor eyesight at his advanced age, and not being familiar with maple leaves, he then asked, "And what's that six-pointed item in the middle of your flag?"

"Oh, that's to remind us of the six words of our national motto," the Canadian lady piped up.

The Brit asked, "And what are those six words?"

The Canadian smiled and replied, "They are 'Don't blame us - we're not Americans.'"

junkml · 06-19-2009, 07:32 PM

Just saw this one today:

Two penguins walk into a bar, which is silly - the second one should have seen it.

ShortNCuddlyAm · 06-21-2009, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by junkml

Just saw this one today:

Two penguins walk into a bar, which is silly - the second one should have seen it.

Dylrob · 06-21-2009, 04:22 PM

What was the first thing Scotty said while visiting the British Isles?

There be Wales!

... yeah I know, *grooooooooan*.

Bilbo1967 · 06-21-2009, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dylrob

What was the first thing Scotty said while visiting the British Isles?

There be Wales!

... yeah I know, *grooooooooan*.

Well, if we're doing bad whale puns....

....what do Eskimos sing at meal-times?

"Whale-meat again, don't know where, don't know when..."

Alphapheemail · 06-21-2009, 06:16 PM

i know many ppl hate him... but he's hilarious! my fave joke!

Alphapheemail · 06-21-2009, 06:17 PM

i know many ppl hate him... but he's hilarious! my fave joke!

My Cd's are in his trunk!

benham · 06-21-2009, 07:35 PM

Last Tuesday, as Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.
The squared-away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes and says: "Nice pigs, sir."
Obama replies "These are not pigs...these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi."
The squared-away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes and says, "Excellent trade, sir.…"

rebarnmom · 06-22-2009, 02:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Verencat

Budget Alternative
Dear Mr. Harper,
Please find below my suggestion for fixing Canada's economy.
Instead of giving billions of dollars to the car industry that will squander
the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.
You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.
Pay them 1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:
1) They MUST retire. Ten million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2) They MUST buy a new CAR. Ten million cars ordered - Automotive Industry fixed.
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing and Mortgage Crisis fixed.
4) They must send their kids to school / college / university - Crime rate fixed.
5) Buy $50 of alcohol/gas a week - there's your money back in duty / tax etc.
It can't get any easier than that!
P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances.

I've seen the US version of this. Why does this make perfect sense to me?

rebarnmom · 06-22-2009, 02:13 AM

Nurse to doctor: There's a man in the waiting room, who wants to use our scale.
Doctor to nurse: Tell him, "No weigh!"

(sounded better when my daughter was telling it)

ShortNCuddlyAm · 06-22-2009, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rebarnmom

Nurse to doctor: There's a man in the waiting room, who wants to use our scale.
Doctor to nurse: Tell him, "No weigh!"

(sounded better when my daughter was telling it)

RWood · 06-22-2009, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alphapheemail

i know many ppl hate him... but he's hilarious! my fave joke!

Currently, we can embed YouTube videos only. The code for MySpace does not work with the YouTube tags on it. For those interested (and it is a funny bit), the Dane Cook video they wanted to present can be found through this link.

Jaime_Astorga · 06-26-2009, 02:56 AM

What did Abraham Lincoln say when he woke up with a headache after a three day drinking binge?

"I freed the WHAT...?!"

AlfonsVH · 06-26-2009, 04:48 AM

Here's one my dad told me a couple of weeks ago. (in English; it isn't funny in Dutch)

Please be aware that this is a somewhat vulgar joke, so if you're easily offended, do not read on.

Two guys, a rich one and a poor one, are discussing the wedding anniversary presents they bought their wives.

The rich one says: "I bought her a diamond ring and a BMW. So if she doesn't like the ring, she can return it to the store while driving the BMW and still be happy."

The poor one replies: "I bought mine a pair of slippers and a dildo. So if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go f*ck herself."

06-18-2009, 09:45 PM	#317
mklynds That guy, no not that guy Posts: 337 Karma: 2846 Join Date: May 2009 Location: Alberta, Canada Device: PRS600 Red	More humor from the great white north A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London (England) and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians". "Indeed we are", replied the Canadian gentleman. "I hope you won't mind my asking," said the Brit, "but what do the two red bars on your flag represent?" "Well," replied the Canadian gentlman, "one of the bars stands for the courage and hardiness of our people in settling the cold expanses and broad prairies of our country. The other is for the honesty and integrity for which Canadians are known." The Brit mulled this over and nodded. Having poor eyesight at his advanced age, and not being familiar with maple leaves, he then asked, "And what's that six-pointed item in the middle of your flag?" "Oh, that's to remind us of the six words of our national motto," the Canadian lady piped up. The Brit asked, "And what are those six words?" The Canadian smiled and replied, "They are 'Don't blame us - we're not Americans.'"

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06-19-2009, 07:32 PM	#318
junkml Addict Posts: 277 Karma: 1004969 Join Date: Mar 2007 Device: Sony Reader	Just saw this one today: Two penguins walk into a bar, which is silly - the second one should have seen it.

06-21-2009, 04:22 PM	#320
Dylrob Murderous Mustela Posts: 10,234 Karma: 48000000 Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: The other land of schnitzel and beer Device: iPad M1 Pro, Kindle Paperwhite	What was the first thing Scotty said while visiting the British Isles? There be Wales! ... yeah I know, grooooooooan.

06-21-2009, 06:16 PM	#322
Alphapheemail .a ribbon around a bomb. Posts: 639 Karma: 4334 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: sigh... ny Device: PRS700	i know many ppl hate him... but he's hilarious! my fave joke!

06-21-2009, 06:17 PM	#323
Alphapheemail .a ribbon around a bomb. Posts: 639 Karma: 4334 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: sigh... ny Device: PRS700	i know many ppl hate him... but he's hilarious! my fave joke! My Cd's are in his trunk!

06-21-2009, 07:35 PM	#324
benham Guru Posts: 882 Karma: 5565888 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Townsend, WI Device: Palm TX, PRS-505 (BLUE)	Last Tuesday, as Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared-away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes and says: "Nice pigs, sir." Obama replies "These are not pigs...these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi." The squared-away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes and says, "Excellent trade, sir.…"

06-22-2009, 02:13 AM	#326
rebarnmom Wizard Posts: 1,289 Karma: 4525055 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: rural Illinois, USA Device: Sony PRS-700 (traded in), Sony PRS-650	Nurse to doctor: There's a man in the waiting room, who wants to use our scale. Doctor to nurse: Tell him, "No weigh!" (sounded better when my daughter was telling it)

06-26-2009, 02:56 AM	#329
Jaime_Astorga Member Retired Posts: 274 Karma: 4446 Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Florida Device: PRS-350-SC: Sony Reader Pocket Edition	What did Abraham Lincoln say when he woke up with a headache after a three day drinking binge? "I freed the WHAT...?!"

06-26-2009, 04:48 AM	#330
AlfonsVH Addict Posts: 253 Karma: 2113226 Join Date: Jun 2008 Device: BeBook Neo	Here's one my dad told me a couple of weeks ago. (in English; it isn't funny in Dutch) Please be aware that this is a somewhat vulgar joke, so if you're easily offended, do not read on. Two guys, a rich one and a poor one, are discussing the wedding anniversary presents they bought their wives. The rich one says: "I bought her a diamond ring and a BMW. So if she doesn't like the ring, she can return it to the store while driving the BMW and still be happy." The poor one replies: "I bought mine a pair of slippers and a dildo. So if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go f*ck herself."