Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 701

drjd · 06-18-2019, 08:12 AM

Did anyone see the joke I posted recently about my spine?

It was about a weak back.

Greg Anos · 06-18-2019, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

Did anyone see the joke I posted recently about my spine?

It was about a weak back.

It sagged in the middle. . . .

badgoodDeb · 06-18-2019, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

Did anyone see the joke I posted recently about my spine?

It was about a weak back.

Oh, I've been away for about 10 days. That's why I missed it, if it was that long ago.

drjd · 06-19-2019, 07:16 AM

Doctor: “The results of your bold test have come in.”

“You mean blood test?”

“Hm, must be a Type-O.”

drjd · 06-20-2019, 07:57 AM

I have been shopping for a trailer. Every time I think I have found a good one, there is a hitch.

drjd · 06-21-2019, 07:14 AM

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with the undertaker when she was asked how she wanted Mike's obituary to read.

Donna asked the undertaker, "How much does an obituary cost?"

The undertaker replied, "One dollar per word."

Donna then said, "I want the obituary to read - MIKE IS DEAD."

The under taker was an old fishing buddy of Mike's and he was a little disturbed by such a curt obituary, so he offered, "I'll make you a special deal since I knew Mike so well. I'll pay for half of the obituary out of my own pocket."

Donna's face lit up and she replied, "Great. I want it to read - MIKE IS DEAD, BOAT FOR SALE."

drjd · 06-22-2019, 12:43 PM

Tech Support: 'What does the screen say now.'
Person: 'It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'.
Tech Support: 'Well?'
Person: 'How do I know when it's ready?'

Shane R · 06-22-2019, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

The divorcing British couple was required to divide the packets Earl Grey upon the court's ruling that it was proper tea.

drjd · 06-23-2019, 07:00 AM

Where was the toothbrush invented?

Mississippi.

If it would've been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teeth brush.

drjd · 06-24-2019, 08:53 AM

My neighbor rang on my doorbell at 3 am... can you believe it!?

Luckily I was still up playing the drums.

drjd · 06-25-2019, 04:08 PM

Upon arrival, the lumberjack started to swing at the tree, when the tree suddenly shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack grinned and said, “And you will dialogue!”

drjd · 06-26-2019, 07:23 AM

I was arrested the other day for stealing people’s electrons.

I was heavily charged, despite my victims saying it was an overall positive experience.

drjd · 06-27-2019, 06:43 AM

Yesterday I went to my doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."

"That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."

yvanleterrible · 06-27-2019, 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

"That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."

drjd · 06-28-2019, 07:41 AM

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf...

I haven’t heard from him since.

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06-18-2019, 08:12 AM	#10501
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Did anyone see the joke I posted recently about my spine? It was about a weak back.

06-19-2019, 07:16 AM	#10504
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Doctor: “The results of your bold test have come in.” “You mean blood test?” “Hm, must be a Type-O.”

06-20-2019, 07:57 AM	#10505
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I have been shopping for a trailer. Every time I think I have found a good one, there is a hitch.

06-21-2019, 07:14 AM	#10506
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with the undertaker when she was asked how she wanted Mike's obituary to read. Donna asked the undertaker, "How much does an obituary cost?" The undertaker replied, "One dollar per word." Donna then said, "I want the obituary to read - MIKE IS DEAD." The under taker was an old fishing buddy of Mike's and he was a little disturbed by such a curt obituary, so he offered, "I'll make you a special deal since I knew Mike so well. I'll pay for half of the obituary out of my own pocket." Donna's face lit up and she replied, "Great. I want it to read - MIKE IS DEAD, BOAT FOR SALE."

06-22-2019, 12:43 PM	#10507
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Tech Support: 'What does the screen say now.' Person: 'It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'. Tech Support: 'Well?' Person: 'How do I know when it's ready?'

06-23-2019, 07:00 AM	#10509
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Where was the toothbrush invented? Mississippi. If it would've been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teeth brush.

06-24-2019, 08:53 AM	#10510
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	My neighbor rang on my doorbell at 3 am... can you believe it!? Luckily I was still up playing the drums.

06-25-2019, 04:08 PM	#10511
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Upon arrival, the lumberjack started to swing at the tree, when the tree suddenly shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!” The lumberjack grinned and said, “And you will dialogue!”

06-26-2019, 07:23 AM	#10512
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I was arrested the other day for stealing people’s electrons. I was heavily charged, despite my victims saying it was an overall positive experience.

06-27-2019, 06:43 AM	#10513
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Yesterday I went to my doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up." "That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down."

06-28-2019, 07:41 AM	#10515
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf... I haven’t heard from him since.