Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 687

drjd · 10-28-2018, 08:12 AM

A psychiatrist's secretary walks into his study and says, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."

The psychiatrist responds, "Tell him I can't see him."

drjd · 10-30-2018, 07:18 AM

What exercises does a Zombie do? Deadlifts.

Fbone · 10-31-2018, 01:19 AM

My wife just threatened to kill me in my sleep, which seems much less horrifying than being killed wide awake. She’s always been thoughtful.

drjd · 10-31-2018, 08:20 AM

I listen to the radio with such frequency that my ear Hertz.

Fbone · 10-31-2018, 02:50 PM

I can’t tell if the zombie apocalypse has started or the office coffee maker is broken.

drjd · 11-01-2018, 07:28 AM

If crop circles are real, does this mean that aliens have designs for our planet?

wodin · 11-01-2018, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drjd

If crop circles are real, does this mean that aliens have designs for our planet?

No, but they have designs on our planet.

Fbone · 11-01-2018, 08:23 PM

Continental breakfasts should be served on tectonic plates.

drjd · 11-02-2018, 08:05 AM

My pursuit of perfect speech has become a diction.

drjd · 11-03-2018, 07:08 AM

Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving.

Fbone · 11-03-2018, 08:01 PM

If I ever go missing, before calling the police, please check between my bed and the wall.

drjd · 11-04-2018, 11:37 AM

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

Fbone · 11-05-2018, 01:20 AM

Twitter has taught me, if you have nothing important to say, say it anyway.

drjd · 11-05-2018, 06:08 AM

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

drjd · 11-06-2018, 06:48 AM

An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.

The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" He asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she shouted.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
"No!" she shouted again.
The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.
"D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"

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10-28-2018, 08:12 AM	#10291
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	A psychiatrist's secretary walks into his study and says, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible." The psychiatrist responds, "Tell him I can't see him."

10-30-2018, 07:18 AM	#10292
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	What exercises does a Zombie do? Deadlifts.

10-31-2018, 01:19 AM	#10293
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,324 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	My wife just threatened to kill me in my sleep, which seems much less horrifying than being killed wide awake. She’s always been thoughtful.

10-31-2018, 08:20 AM	#10294
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	I listen to the radio with such frequency that my ear Hertz.

10-31-2018, 02:50 PM	#10295
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,324 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I can’t tell if the zombie apocalypse has started or the office coffee maker is broken.

11-01-2018, 07:28 AM	#10296
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	If crop circles are real, does this mean that aliens have designs for our planet?

11-01-2018, 08:23 PM	#10298
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,324 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Continental breakfasts should be served on tectonic plates.

11-02-2018, 08:05 AM	#10299
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	My pursuit of perfect speech has become a diction.

11-03-2018, 07:08 AM	#10300
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving.

11-03-2018, 08:01 PM	#10301
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,324 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	If I ever go missing, before calling the police, please check between my bed and the wall.

11-04-2018, 11:37 AM	#10302
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

11-05-2018, 01:20 AM	#10303
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,324 Karma: 103930826 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Twitter has taught me, if you have nothing important to say, say it anyway.

11-05-2018, 06:08 AM	#10304
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

11-06-2018, 06:48 AM	#10305
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" He asked. The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she shouted. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" she shouted again. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"