User Poetry

[Taylor514ce]

Ciggies, whiskey (with a 'e'), some unidentifiable bits from his, uhhh... pocket? And a Pepsi. The most depressing part of this exquisite photo is the Pepsi, I think. I never did care for "product placement".

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by Taylor514ce

... I never did care for "product placement".

I nearly mentioned the can in the title of the cinquain, but decided against it for that exact reason.

Also, aside from "Stormy weather", I kept humming to myself with the words-in-my-head "If you can't be with the clone you love, love the clone you're with".

A beach cinquain...


To not wax lyrical...

Her suit -
bikini cut,
a tidy pink affair -
reveals some nether parts are still
hirsute


Cheers,
Marc

[GeoffC]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

I nearly mentioned the can in the title of the cinquain, but decided against it for that exact reason.

Also, aside from "Stormy weather", I kept humming to myself with the words-in-my-head "If you can't be with the clone you love, love the clone you're with".

A beach cinquain...


To not wax lyrical...

Her suit -
bikini cut,
a tidy pink affair -
reveals some nether parts are still
hirsute


Cheers,
Marc

Hypnotically fixated by your avatar....

[pshrynk]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

don't worry about that ; we're taking up a collection to get you a new one. it might be genetically-engineered from squirrels. so far i think we've got something like 5.37$, plus a gum wrapper and something else, i can't remember... i'l have to ask the treasurer.

There was also a fortune cookie fortune, but it said, "Spleens are fragile."

[zelda_pinwheel]

...in bed.

[Taylor514ce]

Now what?
Now that we've each
said that sad, fateful word --
all we can hear now are fading
echoes.

[Taylor514ce]

Originally Posted by montsnmags

To not wax lyrical...

Her suit -
bikini cut,
a tidy pink affair -
reveals some nether parts are still
hirsute

To wax, or not to wax, that is the question.

[zelda_pinwheel]

porteur
et voltigeuse
ils s'enlacent, se séparent
toute une histoire dans leur ballet
de gestes.


sorry, i wanted to write it in english, but i don't know those words it's about circus acrobats.

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

porteur
et voltigeuse
ils s'enlacent, se séparent
toute une histoire dans leur ballet
de gestes.


sorry, i wanted to write it in english, but i don't know those words it's about circus acrobats.

I'll translate...

Wheeeee!
Catch me, baby!
Whoops, mum, no hands,
ARRRGGGHH! [boioioioinggg!]



Okay, maybe I'll let someone else translate.

Cheers,
Marc ("...without a net")

[zelda_pinwheel]

that might be the sequel...

[montsnmags]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

that might be the sequel...

Okay, okay...

Going for something reasonably literal (that is, with a fish in my ear - more just words than poetry), I would say...

Catcher
and flyer
intertwine and separate
a whole history in their ballet
gestures


Cheers,
Marc

[zelda_pinwheel]

are they called catcher and flyer ? those are the words i didn't know, and i couldn't find good equivalents in the dictionary... yours seems like a good translation, with just one or two changes :


Catcher
and flyer
intertwine, separate
a whole story in their ballet
of motion.


but the last line is still not quite right. it's not an easy poem in english.

[Taylor514ce]

My attempt:

2. leaper
4. and her catcher
6. interlace, separate --
8. their gestures a history, a
2. ballet

Not literal, but going after more of the flavor and trying to keep it a cinquain.

[zelda_pinwheel]

i like all three versions together.

[zelda_pinwheel]

we should try more poèmes à six mains.