Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[pilotbob]

Originally Posted by orlok

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Now I know what to call it when I do that.

BOb

[straygator]

Two hydrogen atoms are walking down the street. The first says, "Hey! Someone stole my electron!" The second atom says, "Are you sure?" The first atom says, "Yeah. I'm positive!"

[Fbone]

If we learn by our mistakes, some of us are getting one great education!

[Fbone]

Originally Posted by orlok

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

These are great. I'm constantly amazed at people's talents.

[Javed]

The policeman got out of his car and the lad who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the policeman said. The lad replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on his way without a ticket.

[Fbone]

That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart.

[Bikeridr]

Murphys law no 1:
If anything can go wrong, it will.

Murphys extended law:
If anything that can go wrong fails to go wrong, it would in the long run prove evident that it would be best if it went wrong initially.

[DrDln]

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.
"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "are they all yours?"
"Yep, they are all mine," having heard that question a thousand times
before.
She says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats.
"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll
need all your children's names."
''Well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named Leroy and the girls are
all named Leighroy."
In disbelief, the case worker says, "Are you serious? They're ALL named
Leroy?"
Their momma replied, "Well, yes . . . it makes it easier. When it's time to
get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, Leroy! An' when it's time
for dinner, I just yell Leroy and they all comes a runnin. And if I need to
stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell Leroy and all of
them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and
says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the
whole bunch?"
"Then I call them by their last names."

[orlok]

A little blue...

Spoiler:

Little Johnny walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts. Worried about what her son has seen she dress’s quickly and goes to find him.

Little Johnny sees his mom and asks "What were you and dad doing?"

The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You’re wasting your time," say’s Little Johnny.

"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

"Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

[Fbone]

The squeaky wheel doesn't always get the grease, sometimes it gets replaced.

[Fbone]

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

[Bikeridr]

Archimedes' principle:
Any body wholly or partially immersed in a fluid experiences an upthrust equal to, but opposite in sense to, the weight of the fluid displaced.

Archimedes' revised priciple:
Any body wholly or partially immersed in a fluid experiences that the telephone rings.

[Fbone]

Does time fly when you're having sex or was it really just one minute?

[travger]

Nocturnal arboreal primate - Bug-eyed thing that lives in trees and comes out at night.

[wannabee]

Originally Posted by travger

Nocturnal arboreal primate - Bug-eyed thing that lives in trees and comes out at night.

Spoiler:

We get lots of them at our place