Unutterably Silly technical difficulties

[LazyScot]

Listen. I know you've spent the last nearly 10 days being tortured by some extremely over-qualitified Igors, but it does clearly say here in the script that in this situation you can reach a speed of Mach 6.3 along the corridors without the need for any intervening acceleration, or requiring deceleration to corner.

No, I can't wait for the CGI to do all this, so could you just move a bit faster.

Yes, I can do bribery. There'll be a nice bowl of Cranachan waiting for you in the bus home if you just manage to limp a bit faster.

Oh -- could you just claw the ankles of that security guard that is going to put up the required token resistance.....

Ermm.. Well ankles are normally lower than that, but it seems to have successfully distracted him. (Memo to self, do not annoy that cat.)

[LazyScot]

<fx: 1 minute of running (and limping) around what the director desparately hopes will be perceived as different corridors thanks to repositioning of lighting, the superposition of various explosions and the ominous self destruct explosion countdown.>

Okay. We're almost out of here.

Yes this door.

Yes the one labelled "Emergency Exit (Good Guys and Gals use only)".

Yes I've got transport waiting outside. No you didn't see it before because the script-writer thought it would add to the dramatic tension and mystery if you didn't see me arrive with in.

Yes, now would be good as the count down has got to 10, 9, 8...

[desertgrandma]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

<peers out the door>

Achh Haud yer Wheesht. The Igors have gone; great. Dinnae fasch yerself -- after all, I didn't ask for a hoover. Anyhow, quickly connect that hose to the waste value hook-up, and then come help me attach this Acme 10-second delay button press secret agent tie-pin to the red button.

Great. I'll just check the coast is clear. Good now press the crimson button
zZZaBangMrrrow Ftsss.

Oh sorry, I forgot. Here, let me help you take those electrodes off, and connected them to the high pressure pump. Okay.

Coast still clear? Right press the crimson button, and trigger the acme delay.

<fx: Whirrr. Rumble, Bang. Unflushing of toilets. dangerous smells. Extreme rumblings...>

Right, in the best Doctor Who traditions, RUNNNNN!

mmmmrrrrrooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrwwwwwwwwww........:help :....(fur flying, nay, explosively being flung,in patches, )pant, pant, pant, just getting this hose removed.......UH........(that smarted)WHAT IS THAT SMELL??? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD ITS GONNA BE TO CLEAN THIS UP??? Not to mention the time its gonna take for my fur to grow back, probably won't even be the same color,....maybe I can hope for curly this time...........(disentangling leg from strap) Okay. Hey, Dr. Scot..........come 'ere a moment, would you? I need to whisper something in your ear.....................anyone else want a piece of me????

[LazyScot]

Originally Posted by desertgrandma

mmmmrrrrrooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrwwwwwwwwww........:help :....(fur flying, nay, explosively being flung,in patches, )pant, pant, pant, just getting this hose removed.......UH........(that smarted)WHAT IS THAT SMELL??? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD ITS GONNA BE TO CLEAN THIS UP??? Not to mention the time its gonna take for my fur to grow back, probably won't even be the same color,....maybe I can hope for curly this time...........(disentangling leg from strap) Okay. Hey, Dr. Scot..........come 'ere a moment, would you? I need to whisper something in your ear.....................anyone else want a piece of me????

8....

Listen now is not a good time to debate this; anyway almost all that flying fur in black and white.

7....

I never said this PLAN FOR FREEDOM would be painless (have you any idea how hard it is to come up with the acronyms anyway).

6....

So unless you really want to stay and become part of some cute cuddly panda breeding programme (wait.. this sentence is getting away from me)

5...

Thank goodness, saved by the countdown. Trust me, you'll be safer coming this way. Any how the whole place is going to blow up in

4...

seconds. Thank you...

<fx: swinging door. Sound of engine starting>

3....

2...

1...

Thunderbirds Are Go....

[LazyScot]

<Cut to>

Scene: Red double decker bus driving into sunset with the heros aboard.

Overdub: "This could be the end of a beautiful friendship."

Background sounds: various deadened explosions

CGI: The occasional flying panda narrowly missing the bus.

Subtitle: The CAT will return in Indiana Cat and the Quest for the Duck's Skull.

<cut to.....>

<roll credits over outtakes>

[desertgrandma]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

<Cut to>

Scene: Red double decker bus driving into sunset with the heros aboard.

Overdub: "This could be the end of a beautiful friendship."

Background sounds: various deadened explosions

CGI: The occasional flying panda narrowly missing the bus.

Subtitle: The CAT will return in Indiana Cat and the Quest for the Duck's Skull.

<cut to.....>

<roll credits over outtakes>

ahhh, me, you are a canny Scot! (should that be capitalized?) Now, lets get a few ground rules straight.
1) No one touches the cat
2) See above.

[GeoffC]

Right, Pshrynk...

Left in a hurry, did we?

Leaving me to sort out a few problems on your behalf...

1) If you hadn't run out of the surgery catawalling away like a banshee, you would have realised that the fmanual states : attach ALL the electrodes at the same time...press the buttons in the sequence, blue, green, yellow, turn the dial to 3659, then the black button...

2) The crazy inspector who turned up like a jobsworth made a right hash of the procedure..
If you had looked at our contract with the Ministry, para 4598 sub para 89901 sub-sub para 1a) you will have realised that he had absolutely no juristiction in the surgery. Only those whos names are "written in green" can drop in an lend a hand...[yes I know these para are written in the smallest of fonts, and also in invisible ink]-but they constitute a binding agreement duly signed by the CEO, the President, the Vice-majesty and her ladyship...authorising you to 'perform' as appropriate to the situation...

3) erm...we've treated the 'wrong' patient...I blame it on him with his clipboard confusing the robot and the serfs...it's OK, I've charged the patient double the normal rate - now all we have to do is find the correct one....

[pshrynk]

Originally Posted by GeoffC

Right, Pshrynk...

Left in a hurry, did we?

Leaving me to sort out a few problems on your behalf...

1) If you hadn't run out of the surgery catawalling away like a banshee, you would have realised that the fmanual states : attach ALL the electrodes at the same time...press the buttons in the sequence, blue, green, yellow, turn the dial to 3659, then the black button...

2) The crazy inspector who turned up like a jobsworth made a right hash of the procedure..
If you had looked at our contract with the Ministry, para 4598 sub para 89901 sub-sub para 1a) you will have realised that he had absolutely no juristiction in the surgery. Only those whos names are "written in green" can drop in an lend a hand...[yes I know these para are written in the smallest of fonts, and also in invisible ink]-but they constitute a binding agreement duly signed by the CEO, the President, the Vice-majesty and her ladyship...authorising you to 'perform' as appropriate to the situation...

3) erm...we've treated the 'wrong' patient...I blame it on him with his clipboard confusing the robot and the serfs...it's OK, I've charged the patient double the normal rate - now all we have to do is find the correct one....

1) What can I say, I'm a coward.

2) What?

3) Well that's all right then.

[GeoffC]

Originally Posted by pshrynk

1) What can I say, I'm a coward.

2) What?

3) Well that's all right then.

Yep - I think on balance we may have made a profit ...

(Yikes, a new Av)...

Geoff

[pshrynk]

we continue to experience techincal difficulties. please stand by. in the meantime, might we suggest the comedy interludes of the Congressional Record?

[GeoffC]

Originally Posted by pshrynk

we continue to experience techincal difficulties. please stand by. in the meantime, might we suggest the comedy interludes of the Congressional Record?

only if there are sub-titles, too....

[LazyScot]

<As the very last credits disappear and the screen goes black, the camera pulls back from the screen and slowly pans back over the empty theatre. All that can be seen are a few upturned tubs of pop-corn, empty cups of zero-everything pop and a couple of serviettes rolling forlonly down the aisles like abandoned tumbleweeds.

Slowly, the camera pans back to the screen, which slowly, slightly brightens to reveal a moon-light desert landscape, pockmarked by square miles of devastation and destruction. A few fires still burn and drifts of smoke still weave their way towards the starry night sky.

Then slowly a barely audible rumbling moves gently over the landscape. A few trees, a couple of small lakes and a tiny mountain start moving, like a Nick Park tribute to Gerry Anderson.

As the movement stops, the rumbling grows, and slowly, steadily, remorselessly Thunderbirds 1, 2 and 3 head into the air, followed by assorted other evil craft fleeing their ruined lair. Just visible through the windows are furry, black and white creatures menacingly moving evil levers and controls in a sinster and fightening fashion.

Except for the final craft. Although piloted by the same creatures, just visible in it before the craft disappears out of sight, are a different range of creatures. Some of who can be seen arguing. One appears robotic, but moves as if in pain on side; another appears part panda-part human. And then its gone. The identity and species of those mysterious others left unknown, as is the destination of this evil fleet or the plans they are preparing.

The image fades to black, and the curtains close, just as the terrifying immortal, acrane words "When in Hollywood, visit Universal Studios and ask for Babs" appear.

And the theatre lights come up.>

[desertgrandma]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

<As the very last credits disappear and the screen goes black, the camera pulls back from the screen and slowly pans back over the empty theatre. All that can be seen are a few upturned tubs of pop-corn, empty cups of zero-everything pop and a couple of serviettes rolling forlonly down the aisles like abandoned tumbleweeds.

Slowly, the camera pans back to the screen, which slowly, slightly brightens to reveal a moon-light desert landscape, pockmarked by square miles of devastation and destruction. A few fires still burn and drifts of smoke still weave their way towards the starry night sky.

Then slowly a barely audible rumbling moves gently over the landscape. A few trees, a couple of small lakes and a tiny mountain start moving, like a Nick Park tribute to Gerry Anderson.

As the movement stops, the rumbling grows, and slowly, steadily, remorselessly Thunderbirds 1, 2 and 3 head into the air, followed by assorted other evil craft fleeing their ruined lair. Just visible through the windows are furry, black and white creatures menacingly moving evil levers and controls in a sinster and fightening fashion.

Except for the final craft. Although piloted by the same creatures, just visible in it before the craft disappears out of sight, are a different range of creatures. Some of who can be seen arguing. One appears robotic, but moves as if in pain on side; another appears part panda-part human. And then its gone. The identity and species of those mysterious others left unknown, as is the destination of this evil fleet or the plans they are preparing.

The image fades to black, and the curtains close, just as the terrifying immortal, acrane words "When in Hollywood, visit Universal Studios and ask for Babs" appear.

And the theatre lights come up.>

Brilliant! I mean......Aaaccckk.........(coughs up hairball) ((with a little panda fur))

[Taylor514ce]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

Except for the final craft. Although piloted by the same creatures, just visible in it before the craft disappears out of sight, are a different range of creatures. Some of who can be seen arguing. One appears robotic, but moves as if in pain on side;

Those diodes all along my side...

[RickyMaveety]

Originally Posted by LazyScot

<As the very last credits disappear and the screen goes black, the camera pulls back from the screen and slowly pans back over the empty theatre. All that can be seen are a few upturned tubs of pop-corn, empty cups of zero-everything pop and a couple of serviettes rolling forlonly down the aisles like abandoned tumbleweeds.

Slowly, the camera pans back to the screen, which slowly, slightly brightens to reveal a moon-light desert landscape, pockmarked by square miles of devastation and destruction. A few fires still burn and drifts of smoke still weave their way towards the starry night sky.

Then slowly a barely audible rumbling moves gently over the landscape. A few trees, a couple of small lakes and a tiny mountain start moving, like a Nick Park tribute to Gerry Anderson.

As the movement stops, the rumbling grows, and slowly, steadily, remorselessly Thunderbirds 1, 2 and 3 head into the air, followed by assorted other evil craft fleeing their ruined lair. Just visible through the windows are furry, black and white creatures menacingly moving evil levers and controls in a sinster and fightening fashion.

Except for the final craft. Although piloted by the same creatures, just visible in it before the craft disappears out of sight, are a different range of creatures. Some of who can be seen arguing. One appears robotic, but moves as if in pain on side; another appears part panda-part human. And then its gone. The identity and species of those mysterious others left unknown, as is the destination of this evil fleet or the plans they are preparing.

The image fades to black, and the curtains close, just as the terrifying immortal, acrane words "When in Hollywood, visit Universal Studios and ask for Babs" appear.

And the theatre lights come up.>

Ooooo .... I like Nick Park!! Will Grommit be in this movie???