Unutterably Silly The Story Game

[radioflyertoo]

The Story Game


The Characters

Asparagus Pungent - A disreputable, financially disabled, failed secret agent, who was a cunning linguist, in 7 seven earth and 42 alien languages, and had the record of the most failed assignments.

Stringbean DaGee-Pungent - Asp's absolutely stunning better half, who recently divorced him and was a successful agent.

Pundit - Asp's talking dog, the smartest of the pair, who had Telsian fleas.

The Lizzards - A race of Purple popple eaters, chasing Pungent for crimes against their nature.

"F" - the leader of the IDIGIPSAA

Other characters as deemed necessary.


The Current Place.

Earth in the year 2525 at F's office.


The Mission (that Pungent failed at).

Asp was to relieve the Lizzards of their Gizzard (A device they used for theft but commonly used for Inter everything transport.)


Definitions.

Popple - a food stuff similar to Poi but blander.)

IDIGIPSAA - InterDimensional, InterGalactic & InterPlanetary Secret Affairs Agency. Charged with keeping all things within bounds.

Telsian Fleas - similar to earth fleas in size, but actually undetected secret agents for GFLAC

GFLAC - Galactic Frauds, Letchers, Assassins and Conmen.

Lizzards - A race of Gecko like blue and red spotted lizzards with a pink base color, whose primary mission in life was to steal from others.

Alice's Restaurant - An intereverything place you can get anything you want (except Alice).


The Rules.

1. Any one can enter (even the Judges) as many times as they wish.

2. Each entry must be a paragraph of at least one sentence. It can be longer or more than one paragraph

3. Each paragraph must relate somehow to the prior entrants writing. There is no such event as off topic.

4. This will be a "never ending" story.

5. Characters may be added as necessary.

6. The judges will select the prize winners.

7. The selected judges will be contacted by PM prior to their announcement. I don't want to commit any one already committed.
A. Judge DixieGal - a personage of downhome southern humor, gracious wit and recipes (yum).

B. Judge Dr. Drib - that Intelctual maven of fine taste,wicked wit and bad advice.


C. Judge Zelda-Pinwheel - The shining star of inciteful comments, generous wit and protector of sparkly spinning object.




Disclaimer:
No one under the age of silliness and intellectual fun & pun will be allowed to enter. All prizes won must be picked up Alice's (you must find your own way there). I really do not know how to write. All spelling errors and word misuse are deliberate.

The Prizes.

Grand Prize: A one way trip for 2 to the furthest reaches of the multiverse.
First Prize: A table for two at Alice's and a prime dinner of aged popple (a lizzardian delicacy).
Second Prize: A Telsian flea.



The Start.

Pungent was cringing in F's office after failing his last mission.

"Pungent you excretable cretin" yelled F "You failed again - no Gizzard from Lizzard. How are we supposed stop intereverthing theft? Get out of here!!!!"
Asparagus Pungent, head hung low, left the office.
Disintering himself via the secret exit, he turned left down Nowhere St. towards his domicile. "Darn it!" He thought, "My residence isn't mine, SBD (his nickname for his former wife) got it during the divorce, where am I going to go?"

Mean while Stringbean entered F's office via the telport door and said "F, I successfully retrieved the Flatiron Gizmo from the Techno's secret lab. Now, maybe we can lay smooth the wrinkles in the multiverse and keep better track"

F, who was now calm. said "Good work Stringbean, we needed a win. Hmm, by the way what DID you see in Asp anyway? I know you are now divorced."

Stringbean didn't answer - just turned her head, to hide a wicked grin and the red creeping up her tanned neck. She thought "Cheeky B*****d". Turning away she asked "Next Assignment?"

F thought a moment and said "See if you can find the Gizzard and bring it back, Asp failed again."

"Ok" she replied and left via the telport door.


Pungent realized he had no ready cash to get Pundit out of doggy jail. So he went to the Beetlejuice Bank ATM, did all that entry stuff and then prayed on his knees that money would come. Pungent was ecstatic when money spued out.

Walking jauntily to the pound Pungent actually avoided several Lizzards in drag waiting to kidnap him at his former house.

Pungent entered the pound paid Pundits fine and left.

Pungent ask "How did they treat you Pundit"

"As well as could be expected" replied Pundit "but some Lizzards came round and tried to bribe me with some paradigms." "Which I took, I told them the location of your house knowing that it wasn't your domicile any more."

Meanwhile back at the house the Lizzards were getting impatient, flicking tougue.

(next)

[DixieGal]

Stringbean froze when she heard the polite entrance of the Lizzard. Hot water streamed down her fabulous form from the showerhead up above, but she had a sudden chill at the thought of having uninvited guests catching her in the shower. "Hello?", she called, just as any other fictional character is wont to do when they are surprised by prowlers.

"Mrsssss Pungent? I'm Excccelssssior of the Lizzards. I wissssh to ssspeak with you."

Stringbean's eyebrows rose to potentially wrinkle-causing heights in surprise. She acknowledged once again to herself that she truly was the luckiest and most beautiful agent of all time.

"I'll be right out," she called to Excccelsssior, and hurried out of the shower and into a robe. "What can I do for you?"

Entering the foyer, she saw the Lizzard turn to face her. It was a genderless reptile, 8 inches long,yellowish/brownish/greenish, with a flicking blue tonge.

The Lizzard fluffed its elegant ruff and spoke ......

[radioflyertoo]

" may I taste your toesesssss with my forked tougue?"

The tougue flicked out.

But Stringbean knowing that a Lizzard's tougue, especially one of that color, contained a potent paralizing poison, reacted like a dexadrine fueled, adrenaline rushed, angry alley cat and grabbed the Lizzard right behind the forks in tougue and flung it so hard, against the wall, it's tail protruded from it's mouth. (All super agents can react quickly.)


Now, Pungent and Pundit dejected and depressed decided to visit Auntie Em's Gentlemens club were one could get a pint and a warm bed for a reasonable sum.

Mean while Alice was kneegociating with the owners of "The Resturant at The end of the Universe" the price for it. They wanted 42 but Alice was only prepared to go 41 at this point. (At this time she didn't get it).

And F was sitting down for.....

[DixieGal]

Originally Posted by radioflyertoo

" And F was sitting down for.....

.... a Mythbusters marathon with a big bag of cheese curles and a 2-liter bottle of caffiene-free diet Pepsi when the phone rang.

"Rats!", he thought, "Now I have to put my shoes back on and get up from here, since I seem to have left the phone receivr in the bathroom."

Grabbing the phone, F quietly shouted around a mouthful of cheesy orangeness, "Hewwo!" into a dial tone. They hung up before he got to the phone!

Taking the phone with him back to the living room, he once again shed his shoes. One flopped down hard enough for the downstairs neighbors to hear. The other shoe bounces silently off the first shoe and landed gently onto the rug, therevy leaving the neighbors to wonder when the "other" shoe would fall. F sprawled out on the sofa again and began to graze. Whadda ya know, you really can make a bomb with soda pop and pop rocks!

The phone rang again. Leaving a smear of orangey goodness on the phone cradle and receiver, he answered. On the other end of the line was a panicky but still beautiful Stringbean.

"F," she spoke in her husky come-hither voice, "I have a problem. A polite Lizzard broke in on me while I was in the shower."

"Lucky Lizzard!," exclaimed F.

"Not really. My perfect physical condition and training kicked in when he flicked his poisonous tonguye at me, and I yanked it so hard tht he nearly turned inside out. No exaggeration, he's lying here in the foyer with his tail hanging out of his mouth. The Gizzard he was carrying is ruined, so I will have to find another Lizzard. He said his name is Excelsior. What can your moles tell us about him?"

In a haze of confusion, F replied, "The big hairy mole on my back isn't talking today. Did I tell you it is growing an eye? But let me ask around. Maybe one of our usual informants knows something about this Excelsior."

*******************************

Pundit, having super agent training, sensed/smelled/heard Stringbean's consternation. Having been in love with her since he was a puppy, he was acutely attuned to her at all times, almost like a psychic link. However, since he wasn't psychic, he knew it was up to him to get Asp over to their former home to investigate.

"Bark Bark!", he barked, which he did sometimes when he got excited.

"What is is, Boy? Is Timmy trapped in another transdimensional well again?" asked Asp.

"No, you goof, we have to go home. Stringbean's in trouble!", Pundit barked in Glactic Standard this time.

Running across the parking lot in slippery shoes, Asp and Pundit (who wore rubber-soled sneakers) leaped in the car via the windows, like Bo and Luke Duke. Slaping the blue strobe light onto the roof of the car and blasting trhe siren, they peeled rubber out of the parking lot.

They were almost to Stringbean's house when suddenly, a little old lady and a kid on a bike began crossing the street. Pundit, the driver this time, swerved but sideswiped a passing bus of orphans being transported to the free clinic for vaccinations. The bus could not straighten up and right itsef, so instead it rolled over twice and landed in the river. However, the kids were securely belted into their seats, which would upside downo and therefore above the water line, so nobody was hurt and only had to unfasthen their seat belts and wade to safety.

Pundit continued to swerve, but after bouncing off the orphan's vaccination bus, was able to regain control of the car. That's some pretty fancy driving for a dog! Lots better than that armadillopuss driving the bus did! At last, skiding into Stringbean's driveway, they crashed to a stop against the garage door.

"That shoudl keep them from getting out through the garage," deduced Asp.

Entering the foyer of the alleged crime scene, they saw .....

[DixieGal]

Hey RF2, may I have this story? I think maybe I'd like to expand it into something longer and bookish.

[radioflyertoo]

Dixie Gal See my PM.

Bob

[radioflyertoo]

The Lizzard's broken Gizzard, and the Lizzard trying to extract tail from mouth.

Pundit started to scratch, but those sneakers held no claw.
"Hummm" thought Pundit "Fleas? ........

[radioflyertoo]

"Fleas FLEAS" thought Pundit "Goodness not they are Telsian fleas. That is why we are being compromised. Those damn tattletellers."

Pungent finally aware of the goings on, vaulted down the street to Stringbean's place.

"woof" barked Pundit (to stay in character since all secret agent dogs can talk).
This brought Pugent to a sudden stop. He looked and saw 3 Lizzards waiting in the shadows.

[DixieGal]

The Chief Lizzard was geckoish and gymnastically clinging to a glass window below a porch light, flicking its poison blue tongue to catch insects. The other two were goanaish, surly and prone to bursts of drooling. Being carrion eaters, they were droolishly pawing through the contents of the streetside trash can.

"Hey look," grumbled one, "There is some cheesepaper," and it proceeded to scrim its long gray drooly tongue over the paper in order to extract the melted cheese from the cheeseburger wrapper.

"Agent Pungent," spoke the little Lizzard, "So nice to see you here. The boys here and I need to file a report with the IDIGIPSAA about an interdimensional incident that occurred here."

"That's not the way I heard it," said Asp, "I heard that a Lizzard ended up in my ex-wife's house while she was in the shower. There's no law against protecting oneself in one's own home."

"Perhaps so, but your ex-wife's tragic victim was a colleague of mine. She was attached to the Embassy here and had diplomatic immunity."

"SHE?", questioned Pungent, "Do you mean to tell me the breaker and enterer was female?"

"Yes, in this particular reproductive cycle, she assumed a female gender. And," hissed the Chief Lizzard, "she was merely looking for a humid place to lay her eggs when she was accosted by Mrs. Pungent."

"Bark woof," said Pundit.

Asparagus leaned down as if to scritch Pundit behind the ears, and Pundit subvocalized via his implanted vocoder, "I dunno, this all smells fishy to me."

"I think it's something the goanas uncovered in the trash can," subvocalized Asp.

"No, Asp, I meant that it seems unlikely that a female Lizzardian ambassador would accidentally wander into Stringbean's house while looking for a warm moist hole to bury her eggs in," subvocalized Pundit.

"Do you think she was planning to get a message to IDIGIPSAA through Stringbean?", subvocalized Asp.

"You sure do like to scritch your dog, don't you," interruped the Chief.

"Oops!", thought Pundit, and said, "Stand up and ask some more questions already."

"Yes, Pundit is a good dog. That's a good boy, who's a good boy, you are, yes you are. Oh, uhm, pardon me. I get carried away with the baby talk sometimes. So, do you think the ambassador was there to give away intergalactic secrets?", Asp inquired nonchalantly.

"It's good to see your interrogation skills are improving," Pundit subvocalized snarkily.